June 1, 2015 by Michael Madden

Packing It All In

Hmmm, regular readers will have seen my simulated rant of Arabella and her turbulent life from 19th May. Regular readers will also realise that it was completely fabricated, an illustration of the unconnected ramblings that can be triggered in the female mind. As if to illustrate just how close to the truth this actually is, Sally asked, “Who told you about that woman in Hayfield?”
The silver car saga took more twists over the weekend. Firstly, Autoexpress turned up to take a multitude of pictures of me with car keys and log book, and obviously no car. I had to insist that the dealer be kept out of this as he was doing his utmost to get me a full refund, but even that hit a problem this morning. The first payment has already gone out to Dacia Finance, and therefore his idea of a zero invoice would not work. However, Dacia Finance told me last Tuesday that it was too late to cancel that first payment even though it was not due until the 31st. This was evidently not true, so Renault Manchester are looking into it. Dacia Finance confirmed that if Renault Manchester officially accept that the car has been rejected (which they have), then I would get a full refund. Sally is now fretting about just exactly what that full refund includes.
My blue car is officially valued at around £1250, but in part ex I got £1100. So there’s £150. Then there was the £100 deposit I paid. The first finance payment was £317.93, and the fee to change my insurance may well be another £50. I also filled it up with diesel, so let’s add on another £50, and for the sheer piss take of it all I reckon they should round it up to £5000. No? Well let’s see what other information I can provide Autoexpress with!
Next up it was Lookers in Stockport to buy a Kia Sportage. This was more like what I expected of car sales people, trying to sell unwanted extras despite the repeated use of the word ‘No’. Anyway, that should be with me within the next few days, so I will let you know if it comes with any freebies such as orange warning lights or, of course, rust!
Zac has been very much to the fore this weekend, starting with a conversation yesterday morning. Sally asked, “What are you doing wearing my pink socks?” to which Zac instantly replied, “I make these work.” He has been having something of a hard time of it since the latest television incident, so much so that Sally suggested he might have to see a doctor because of his anger issues. “You’re the one who needs to see a doctor,” he told her. What for? “Rudeness, and picking on children.” The day continued, and we realised that Zac does not actually know everything. “Why do people touch tongues when they kiss? Its weird. Why don’t they just have a long snog?” I think I preferred it when we asked the questions.
Another bloody puncture! That’s what I woke up to yesterday, with the back tyre on my bike once again completely flat. Someone should do something about the state of the roads! Anyway, seemingly that won’t matter for a while as I am now resting up with a suspected torn cartilage in my left knee. My left knee has had a lot of ailments in the past, and I usually know the cause. Either a twist, a fall, a tackle, or something else sport related. This time, I was simply brewing up. A sharp stab into the side of my knee told me something was wrong, and it kept happening. Later that day it had swelled to the size of a balloon, so I went to the doctor and she said I need ice on it. Then I discovered that the ice machine in the fridge doesn’t work. Sally will have known this for ages, but it was up to me to take it apart and flush out the solid clump of ice that was preventing the mechanism from working with warm water. Sally’s kitchen design means that to detach this piece of equipment you have to move the entire fridge, and, of course, move it back again afterwards. And I’ve got a bad knee! If I catch her with ice in a G & T this week I may well tip it on her.


Had a meal at Bem Brasil yesterday to celebrate Matthew’s 30th birthday. I’m normally a fan of Brazilian food, and there was plenty to eat, but next time the sirloin comes around I think I’ll just ask the waiter to leave it all on the table. Gabi also got a treat as I managed to save her some vegetarian chilli and Rocky Road. She quite liked it.
I think we just had a power cut, but I’m not really sure. Anyway, Zac used the darkness as another excuse to interrupt his packing. He is off to Whitehall with the school tomorrow, so you will have to save your questions for the weekend. He will be available to take them via satellite from Benidorm! And what an exercise packing for Whitehall is.
Have you packed your underpants?
Where are they
They are drying on the radiator
So you’ve not packed them?
I will do it in the morning
Have you packed your socks?
Where are they?
In the bag
Have you put your name on them?
I’m doing that next
So you will have to take them out of your bag?
Have you got an inhaler?
I’ll pick one up from school tomorrow
No – get one from here and make sure its full
Ok – I’ve finished now
What about your brown inhaler
I just have to get my brown inhaler and I’m done
What about your underpants on the radiator
Yes I know, just the underpants and the brown inhaler and I’m ready for Whiehall
And Piriton tablets?
Have we got any?
Yes – here they are
Right, I’m now ready for Whitehall. Goodnight.
Zac, have you packed pyjamas?
In the morning
Etc, etc.