October 19, 2021 by Mike Madden

Star Of Lady M

Born Under A Wandering Star

Sally, Fiona, Helen and Kerry went a wandering, and as Fiona had sustained an injury they stuck to relatively flat tracks rather attempt the challenge of Cracken Edge.

Sally hung back to take this picture, and although she titled it a A Hobbit’s Tale, I thought that it was Lord Of The Rings and Game Of Thrones that were being filmed in the Peak District.

Anyway, I think it was the hairy feet that gave them away.

Lunch

We have started to venture out for Sunday lunch again, with our first two visits being the Church at Chelmorton and the Swan at Kettleshulme.

The Swan possibly just shaded it, but it was very close. Both were excellent, with the service at the Church being outstanding.

The Swan still has gravy that could be a little bit thicker for us northerners, but there is no disputing the quality of their food.

Both are definitely recommended, and we will be visiting again.

Crumble, Crab Apples, Creole and Chilli

As the foraging season comes to a close I made a plum and blackberry crumble cake which disappeared as quickly as it was made.

Our plum tree has produced more fruit than ever before, and I have several jars of plum gin and a plum liqueur maturing in a dark cupboard.

With the last of the blackberries I made blackberry gin, as well as adding some to a crab apple liqueur where the apples were sourced from the tree next door.

Plum and blackberry crumble cake

Elsewhere in the kitchen I made some chilli jam which could well turn out to be a game changer as a burger relish.

And my Creole cake has moved on to the second stage!

I bought a steamer, really to make a steamed Christmas pudding, but as I had the equipment I decided to try a steak and ale suet pudding as well.

Man On Fire

Meanwhile, Zac has been doing some of his own cooking, starting with a somewhat unambitious grilled cheese and ham sandwich. As he munched on his supper there was a feint smell of burning, and this grew stronger and stronger until the smoke alarm kicked in. A brief investigation showed that he had taken his sandwich from under the grill, and then closed the grill without turning it off.

No harm done, but then he did it again! Now the whole house is on edge whenever he uses the grill, not too dissimilar to when Sally ventures anywhere near the cooker.

Eating Your Greens

The garden has yielded a few small tomatoes from what seemed like a lot of tomato plants, but it also produced several decent sized cucumbers. The cucumber plant hides its produce, but they were there – though they were a bit nobbly. After peeling the skins they tasted just like cucumber!

The only thing left out there now is the sprouts. Hoping to have them in time for Christmas!

Wereworld

Regular readers will remember Ole doing a voice recording for a potential Netflix series “Wereworld”. That was for a pilot, and twelve months later they asked him back to record a trailer. Things are moving very slowly, but at least they are moving. Of course, there is always the possibility that the series will not get commissioned, or that they will get Tom Hanks in to record the lead, but for now we are keeping our fingers well and truly crossed!

The Dead And The Not So Dead

Ive been taking my mum to a few places recently, including two graveyards. The first of these, St. Martins in Ashton-Upon-Mersey, is where my dad’s aunt and uncle are buried. It brought back fond memories of playing amongst the graves as a kid, and the adjacent farmyard which didn’t have such happy memories. The church and cemetery provided the inspiration for The History Of Zombies, which is still available on Amazon!

The History Of Zombies on Amazon

The second graveyard was Brooklands cemetery, where several of my family members are buried. We struggled to find one particular grave, but a helpful graveyard maintenance chap asked us for details. We knew the name, and that it would have been 70s or 80s when he was interred, but that was about it. A quick phone call produced a reference, and within seconds we had found the final resting place of my grandmother’s cousin!

The following week we did something a little different, though still church related. We went to the United Reformed Church in Sale, and my mum was sceptical at first as a devout Roman Catholic. The event was the PTA, or Pleasant Tuesday Afternoon, as they liked to call it, and involved around 20 senior citizens gathering for a chat, tea, cake and biscuits. It was indeed a pleasant Tuesday afternoon, until one of the ladies stood up and made the following announcement…

“It is the Townswomens Guild meeting on Thursday, and unfortunately Mary Higgs has passed away since the last meeting.”

After a brief pause, another lady stood up and announced, “No she hasn’t, she’s sat over there.”

And indeed she was. It was a case of mistaken identity, and very “Vicar Of Dibley”. I can picture my mum saying, “It wouldn’t happen in a Catholic Church!”

Zachary Played Guitar

Zac has taken up two activities recently, Jujitsu and Guitar. He has completed his first few guitar lessons, but not without incident. He needed to restring my guitar, for which he had to take it apart. It involved unscrewing, drilling, missing pieces, and all manner of household tools. The guitar is still not back in one piece! Meanwhile, my guitar was really only a temporary solution,. He wants an acoustic and an electric. After his first lesson he decided we should just buy an acoustic, as his guitar teacher has a friend who will make him a custom electric.

He has always fancied himself as a bit of a Jimi Hendrix!

I also took him to the Leek Blues Festival to appreciate some live music and he was very impressed. He particularly liked the double bass, though his favourite was Elvis Fontenot, playing rocked up Zydeco and Cajun music. I suspect his next request might be for a washboard.

Cleanliness And A Teenage Boy

The Jujitsu brings its own set of problems. He has successfully enrolled, and he now has a Gi to wear during lessons. There are very strict instructions about cleanliness and hygiene, and the Gi is supposed to be washed after every session. I am not sure Zac has fully grasped this, as before one session I asked if he was having a wash, to which he replied, “I had one yesterday and I’ve not done much since.” Before his latest session I asked if he had washed his Gi. “No,” he said, “I’m just going to spray it with Febreze.”

Next Box Down

Sometimes in life, usually every ten years, you get to a birthday that I like to call “the next box down”. This happened to me recently, so now when I fill in an online form, where you indicate your age range as being 20-29, 30-31, etc, I have now reached the next box down.

We have several things planned, but as gifts I received a fully enamelled paella pan and several terracotta pots that are just perfect for the imminent arrival of the new oven.

Fuego have promised this for tomorrow – so fingers crossed.

And speaking of presents, Fiona was very impressed when Zac walked in and handed his mum a tin of Heroes. “Just for you,” he said. The bubble was well and truly burst when Sally explained that he had only bought that as he had eaten almost a whole tin that she had put away for Christmas!

Madam!

Our annual trip to York races, that now happens several times a year, was not without incident. A friend had a runner, but he would not be able to attend, so Sally decided that we should represent him, especially if it meant visiting the winners enclosure. Unfortunately the horse was running in the last race, by which time we had consumed rather a lot of alcohol. We met the jockey, and he was hopeful rather than confident.

As the horses went off towards the start, Sally spotted a friend on the other side of the parade ring fence. She crossed the path to speak to them, blissfully unaware that another horse was still parading. “Madam!” shouted the female steward, but Lady M did not respond. “MADAM!” she shouted again, with a fair degree of urgency as the horse approached. When there was still no response she grabbed Sally by the waist and manhandled her to safety on the other side of the path. There are not many who would have been brave enough to do that, but I think the champagne had probably mellowed the Lady by that time.

Over at Middlethorpe Hall, our hotel of choice for the racing, my sister spotted a woman in a long red dress, but when she and Sally tried to see who she was, she was gone! So is Middlethorpe haunted? Woooooooo! More to follow on this one I am sure.

The following day I went to York again, this time in the “cheap seats” that are the grandstand and paddock. Whilst I am always quick to praise York as a racecourse, the queues at the bars and food stalls were unacceptable. Wouldn’t surprise me if many people were put off having to wait 25 minutes for a can of lager.

It’s Good To Be Back

After what seemed like an age we finally got back to London to watch the NFL. The main difference was that we travelled to Tottenham’s stadium rather than Wembley, and if I’m being honest I prefer Wembley.

We bought premium tickets for Atlanta Falcons vs New York Jets, which allowed us some free food before the game, but we would have preferred to walk around the stadium and sample all sorts of stuff rather han the basic choice of pulled pork or mac n cheese. However, we had managed sausage rolls at Euston so we weren’t too hungry.

Only In America!

Bets were on, cheerleaders were on the pitch, and we settled back for the national anthems. The British was a formal affair, with a lady in a flowing red dress belting it out in perfect tune. The American version started and we wondered where the singer was, until we looked up and saw her on the roof. The boys thought this was a typical US thing to do, well over the top, and sarcastically suggested that they would probably end up with fireworks and jets! As she built up to the finale, sure enough, four fighter jets flew over the stadium, followed by an enormous burst of red, white and blue fireworks.

The game itself was quite a good one, and it seemed like some of the bets must come in but sadly not! However, that was offset by Aitch who was performing the half time show. To be honest, although he was described as “Manchester’s finest”, I had never heard of him. After Ole enthused about the three songs he performed, I must admit that it sounded like just one to me!

The highlight of the second half was Zac catching a mini football fired into the crowd. We missed out on a few t-shirts and other assorted missiles, but the football was safely clutched and tucked away.

All Aboard

When the game finished we managed to get to the train within a couple of minutes. This meant that we were an hour early on our journey home. However, if the train had a capacity of 100 there were at least 200 passengers on board, a breeding ground for disease. It made me feel like I should book a Covid test for the following day.

Euston station is not the best for Sunday evening food, so we went to Burger King. Strangely, because it was after 6pm, they only served “large” meals. Not sure what people concerned with obesity would say about that, but I don’t think they need to worry. The BK version of “large” is actually miniscule! A real rip off and an experience that won’t be repeated.

Another Big Birthday

It was Zac’s 18th birthday a week later, and, as explained earlier, he wanted a new guitar. We headed down to the marvellous PMT on the outskirts of Manchester, and we could have spent hours in there. We cut this short as we had a lunch date with Gabi, Ciaran, Nixie and Miles. Unfortunately Reds True Barbeque has gone a bit downhill, and is certainly not a patch on Hickorys, but the kids seemed to enjoy it.

Newmarket By Numbers

Finally, we set off for Tattersalls in Newmarket to buy our racehorse, and came back with more than we bargained for! A very smooth run down meant we were in position by 9.15 with the sales starting at 10. Our friend and bloodstock agent, Luke Lillingston, had made a list, and so had I. Sadly, not many of my choices were on his list. So, we decided to go with him as I did not really know what I was looking for.

Our first choice was in the ring at about 10.40am so we got into position and prepared to bid. I would have been a little disappointed to win that horse as we had planned a full two days. However, I needn’t have worried. We never even got to raise our hand as the price soared to £80,000.

This trend continued for the rest of the day, and it was close to 9pm when our final candidate for the day appeared under the hammer. This time we did get to place a bid. Unfortunately it soon sailed on past our limit and eventually sold for £28,000. However, we did get to meet the wonderful Willy Carson who was selling horses from his stud farm.

We had dinner and then returned to our hotel, ready for tomorrow’s skirmishes. It was a really nice hotel, but we did not have much time to spend there. Even the breakfast had to be a take away!

Lunch With The Maddens

Back at the sales we visited horse after horse and came up with a shortlist of 9 or 10. The first of these went for £50,000, and we then had a gap to regroup. A horse shied away from Sally, clearly disturbed by her black coat. Another got loose and almost knocked me over. It was a hazardous time so we retired for lunch with another business associate. He was off to St James Palace later that day, for a charity dinner with Prince Charles and the ruler of Qatar. Sally complimented him on it. “Lunch with the Maddens followed by dinner with Prince Charles and the ruler of Qatar. That’s quite a day you’ll have.”

Star Of Lady M

After lunch we looked at more fillies, and some were crossed off the list after we saw them in the parade ring. Others went for far too much, and by 5.30pm we were left with just four. The first of these, a beautiful grey by the stallion Havana Grey, looked to be in our price range. We were bidding against ex jockey and now successful trainer Jamie Osborne, but he must have seen how determined we were. The hammer went down, and she was ours. We registered her for her journey home, then went to take photos. After that she went for a wind test. This is where she runs round in a circle for five minutes and a vet listens for any odd noises. Not particularly scientific but a well established final check.

We retired to the bar to celebrate, and after some deliberation we decided to call her Star Of Lady M (subject to confirmation). She will be trained by David O’Meara close to York, and she will run in these colours!

Derbyshire Duchess

While we were in the bar our other three choices were due into the ring. The first and third of these were half sisters, but we thought they would be out of our price range. The first went for £35,000 and so we were even more pleased with our purchase. The penultimate selection was our least favoured, but even that went for £22,000, and we were expecting £50-£60,000 for the last one, which on looks would have been our first choice. Luke went into the ring to see who was bidding, and he even placed a couple of bids himself but to no avail. She went for the surprisingly small sum of £20,000, and very quickly Luke had news!

The trainer, Tim Easterby, had bought her, and the breeder, Richard Kent, wanted to retain 25%. The rest would be sold, and she seemed to fit the profile of our syndicate. So, half an hour after having no horses, we now had one and three quarters. Monday was busy with registrations and conversations, but our second filly is likely to be named Derbyshire Duchess. She will probably run in the same colours as Star Of Lady M. More updates to follow!

February 1, 2021 by Mike Madden

If You Cant Stand The Heat…

We had a very strange occurrence this week! The boys have bought some wrestling mats that they lay down wherever there is space and then grapple with each other. Yesterday they used our bedroom floor, and Bo decided to see what all of the fuss was about. A short time later Ole called down to check on Bo as she was acting rather strange. She was rubbing herself on the mat, yowling constantly, and “presenting” her rear end. Quite simply, she was in heat. Ole kind of realised, and as Zac was stroking her, trying to comfort her, Ole warned his brother, “I wouldn’t do that if I was you mate.” When the problem was confirmed they were both mortified. Bo could smell their sweat and she obviously thought they were two Tom cats fighting for her attention. Zac had a million and one questions, like how does it last for? Is she in pain? etc. Ole simply closed his door and refused to let her in.

A trip to the vet is in order!

The Lockdown Legacy

The lockdown goes on and on and on!

Our holiday, originally booked for 14th February and subsequently moved to 28th March, may have to be further delayed to May. I’ve forgotten what a beach looks like.

So, of course, you have to find things to keep yourself busy, I am still working more hours than I want to, but all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and we all know what happens next!

Return To Radio

So I started recording more radio shows for Lockdown Radio. Lots of musicians had Christmas records out, and they were all looking for publicity. First up it was Marty Wilde, the famous 50s and 60s rocker. He was a great guest, and one of the first to receive the Covid vaccine. You can listen to the show here:-

Next up it was a double header, with Chris Meredith followed by the sensational Limahl. I had a lovely chat with Limahl that continued well after the show finished. You can bring back your memories of Kajagoogoo here:-

Finally, it was Richard and Fred Fairbrass, better known as Right Said Fred. These guys could have filled a month of shows with their take on music, Covid, and the world in general. Really good conversation, as well as fantastic music.

Next up I have a show containing the cheesiest records of all time, and an alternative take on Valentine records!

Driving Mister Zachary

Zac’s driving lessons have progressed, but not without incident. Lockdown meant that his regular lessons were severely restricted, so we decided to insure him on my car, as we had done previously with Ole. We concentrated on minor roads, but he got nervous around Taxal Moor, particularly when he had to turn around! A three point turn was a lot more than three points, and I almost rued my decision not at have parktronic fitted as he narrowly missed a post whilst reversing. He improved daily, and we decided to let him drive to Stockport on Christmas Day.  Sally was in the passenger seat, with Ole and myself in the back. There was a lot of agitated conversation, that came to a crescendo as we approached the lights at the Rising Sun in Hazel Grove.

“Slow down,” said Sally.

No reaction

“Slow down,” said Sally, raising her voice and gripping her seat more tightly.

No reaction, and the lights changed to red.

“Slow down,” said Sally, slamming her foot on an imaginary brake.

As we sailed through the red light Zac shrugged. “Too late now,” he said.

Sally insisted that we switch drivers at the next available layby, but even that was not without incident as she shouted at him to pull over with very little notice. He was getting stressed and her urging was stressing him more.

But he continued to improve! However, we had some stormy weather. This did not affect the driving, but the next time Sally and Zac went out there were shaking fists, blasts on the horn and verbal abuse. Of course, Sally gave as good as she got, and it was only when they returned home that she realised that the storms must have dislodged the L plates. Other road users were simply unaware that Zac was a learner, which is obviously illegal!

He booked a theory test in Stoke, but he failed. Whilst Sally was pleased that she had managed to get him a test at such short notice, she regretted the destination as she had to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that Zac attributed his failure to. Still, it was only a 90 minute journey. On the positive side, he got a second test in Salford, and his brave brother Ole accompanied him. This time there were no such problems as he passed with ease. His driving test is scheduled for April, lockdown permitting.

Lights, Camera, Payment

Ole got good feedback from his Coronation Street audition, but sadly no role, and he has not heard anything from a recent Halfords ad audition. This doesn’t seem to have affected his income, as he received yet more fees for the BUPA ad, this time for the use of stills taken at the shoot. Look out for mugshots appearing on a billboard soon!

A Different Canal

There is never a good time to get a toothache, and Christmas makes it so much worse. So, when my tooth started aching in November I booked myself in. Root canal surgery was the diagnosis, so I made another appointment and prepared for the worst. Actually, all of the horror stories are mostly exaggerated. There was certainly discomfort sitting in the chair for 90 minutes, but without doubt the biggest pain comes when you get out of the chair, go to reception and pick up the bill.

News From The Kitchen

Lockdown weekends meant lockdown treats, including brownies, rocky road and various other festive chocolate based comestibles.

The brownies went particularly well with lashings of brandy cream!

Its not all sweet stuff though, and Ole’s favourite Mexican lentil soup has been on the menu quite a few times.

Christmas Crackers

Obviously Christmas was not the same as normal years, and in particular my stroll to the Drum & Monkey for a few pints of Peroni on Christmas Eve was sadly missed. We decided to have a bonfire instead, and despite several wet days we managed to get a roaring flame. Festive beverages were downed with the traditional cheese & onion pie, plus a Mediterranean twist of Ciabatta with oil and balsamic, and we raised a toast to next Christmas.

Sally decided that the Creole Cake should have a minimalistic look this year – I’m not convinced, but it still disappeared very quickly!

New Year was another strange one, spent playing Game Of Thrones Risk, which was lost on me as I have not watched a single episode. Midnight saw another bonfire with a few impressive fireworks, but again we look forward to normality resuming on December 31st this year.

Bo loved Christmas, and surprisingly the Christmas tree remained intact. The same could not be said for some ornamental twigs and another upright Christmas sculpture.

Perhaps more surprising is her love of that most traditional of Christmas vegetables, the sprout!

Robot Wars

The boys bought us a robot vacuum cleaner for Christmas, and you might think it was to make their lives easier when they do their chores, but you would be wrong. They don’t really do chores. Anyway, Bo is intrigued by it as it chugs its way around various rooms, cleverly changing direction when it hits a blockage. However, if you ever consider getting one of these, ensure you close all doors and block any nooks and crannies. We have lost ours on several occasions; its favourite hiding spaces seem to be under the television cabinet and at the back of the settee.

Business Woes

Brexit may well have impacted Buyanom, as mare owners arranged their 2021 matings far in advance to avoid any complexities arising from transporting horses into the EU. 

Worse affected has been PubHead. Our pub based app has more or less been put on hold, but we will be ready with a big launch party when the pubs are open again.

On The Bench

I started another bench project, and this time it turned out to be a lot more complicated. The two cast iron bench ends needed some TLC to restore them, and as they were powder coated I had to sand them down. I spray painted them black, along with the two cast iron braces, and they came up really well.

The slats were a challenge. Without the previous ones to work from I guessed at the sizes required, though I don’t think it would have made much difference. However, the holes did make a difference. I discovered that the holes in the bench ends were not uniform, and some of them were as much as half a centimetre out. I also discovered, though this is hardly news, that there is no “give” in cast iron, so if the hole in the slat was not aligned with the hole in the cast iron, it would have to be re-drilled.

Anyway, I painted them fire engine red, and started the tricky process of inserting the correctly drilled slats in the right order. This was not like one of those plastic puzzles where you can slide the tiles up and down until you get them in the correct order. If a slat was out of order it would often mean the removal of two or three other slats or even starting again. I am sure a professional DIYer would have planned this in advance, but I am not that person. I got it done eventually, and tightened the nuts which required significant dexterity. Finally it was done, and it looks impressive even if I do say so myself. Next? Well not another bench for sure.

And Finally…

I bought a trail camera and have finally set it up to record the presence of wildlife in the garden. Badgers and foxes have been seen quite close by, but I’m not sure that they would venture this side of the railway line. It has also been suggested that deer might frequent the area near the vegetable patch, but the only way deer will appear is if they are parachuted in, or they are accompanying Santa’s sleigh. The first night has so far been inconclusive, as it was so cold that the batteries died. Rechargeable, low discharge replacements are on their way! I will let you know how it goes in the next edition.

November 29, 2020 by Mike Madden

Losing It In Lockdown

So we are in Lockdown 2 – only a month, but its already had an impact. We booked a holiday for February, travelling in style to the Dominican Republic where Zac could enjoy the delights of a butler, a plunge pool, and lobster on demand.

The flights were via Paris, and unfortunately Air France have cancelled all flights for the foreseeable future.

On the positive side, Virgin Holidays customer service excelled themselves, and within 20 minutes they had rebooked us on the same trip for the end of March. I’ll warn the butler.

Steps

Back in July I thought it would be interesting to take the million step challenge. The idea is to walk 1 million steps in 3 months, and I have decided it is  impossible. I refereed several football games, did endless walk rounds at cricket, and walked up and down Elnor Lane picking blackberries. I don’t think I even reached half way.

Lockdown Treats

The kitchen has been a busy place, with Lockdown Saturday treats and a few in midweek too. My bramble gin has been duly bottled, and the Creole cake has had its first and second feeds (port and brandy – sherry and Cointreau to come). Chocolate digestives have been made, hidden, found and eaten, whilst Victoria sponge and chocolate sponge with Nutella buttercream didn’t last much longer. The latest creation is mini cheesecakes. They are supposed to be left to set for 24 hours, but I am not hopeful!

Pumpkin pie was a perennial favourite, and then there were beef enchiladas!

And chocolate skulls for Halloween…

 

Of course, as the year turns towards December there is the obligatory chocolate log and gingerbread biscuits.

Shoutout to Hickory’s Smokehouse in Poynton. We’ve been there twice recently and not only do they do the Covid distancing really well, they also serve delicious food and drink.

For our wedding anniversary we headed to Castleton, and decided to climb up Winnats Pass. Well, about 2/3 of the way. Its a lot easier going up than coming down, especially on a wet day. Anyway, we survived and had a nice pub lunch at the Bull’s Head. Wonder when we will be allowed to do that again?!

Bo!

We have the patter of tiny feet around our house, as Bo the little girl pussycat joins the family. She spent the first few days sat on my shoulder like a pirate’s parrot, but that has now changed. She has settled in very well, loves to surprise you by leaping on to your back, hanging on with extended claws, and her favourite resting place is a chair under the dining room table last frequented by Bobby.

 

PubHead

Its a bad time to launch PubHead, it being a pub-based app, but it has given us the opportunity to add new features – the latest being pub crawls. Once lockdown ends and the tier system moves in our favour, who will be first to complete all pubs in Whaley Bridge?

Get the PubHead app

When Is A Good Deed Not A Good Deed?

Zac had a pair of Yeezys that he outgrew. Size 8, whereas he is now a size 10. These exclusive trainers were the genuine article – I know because I paid for them. But when Sally tried to sell them she was hit with a barrage of “they look fake”! If there was definitive proof that they were not fake they would have fetched around £170, but people remained sceptical. However, there is a boy in Buxton who lost a lot of his possessions in a fire. Sally offered the magical trainers to him and he was delighted. It was a real feelgood gesture, but Zac did point out one downside, “I am still £170 down on the deal”.

Zac has had abut 3 driving lessons, but that does include driving to Buxton and back. Now, however, he wants to drive us all to my mum’s in Sale at Christmas, as that is what Ole did (after significantly more lessons). I feel that only an extended lockdown will thwart him.

Acting Up

Ole has been very busy despite the lockdown.

His LGBTQ short film is now the subject of a book available on Amazon,

A Series Of Light book

Whilst his BUPA ad finally saw the light of day

BUPA ad

He also did another voiceover, a job he got because of his Wereworld recording in London, and then he got a part in the Channel 4 series Ackley Bridge. Its a small part in the final episode of the next series, but he made the most of the experience, staying in a nice hotel for a couple of nights and mixing with the rest of the cast. It should hit the screens in February.

This week he has had two audition requests, one for Coronation Street, but I’m not allowed to tell you which part as it would be spoiler, and Brideshead Revisited which would be very exciting with a lot of global travel (post pandemic of course!)

Kitchen Calamity

Despite best efforts, some home made things don’t last as long as the preservative filled equivalents that the supermarkets sell. I made sweetcorn relish, and despite being in the fridge it grew some mold. Sally decided she would try to avoid the mold and use the rest of the jar, but to no avail. She eventually gave up, but the interesting part concerned the jar itself. She was making beetroot chutney at the time, and I pointed out that the jar was given a thorough wash in boiling water, and then sterilised in the oven. “In the oven?” she questioned, and hastily revised her plans for cleaning the chutney jars.

The pumpkins came to an untimely end, as the local squirrel population filled their faces with them. We salvaged a very small one, just to prove that it was genuinely a pumpkin, but not sure we will use up that amount of growing space to feed Mr and Mrs Nutkin next year.

We got a new dishwasher this week, or rather we didn’t, we got a six month old dishwasher, as ours has a dodgy front panel which means opening it is, well, very slightly more awkward than on other dishwashers. Anyone who has ever had to plumb in a dishwasher will tell you it is never straightforward, but Sally duly fetched the dishwasher, chopped the plug off the old dishwasher so that it could be removed, and made ready to plumb the new one in. Unfortunately, the water pipe is not compatible. It has a small plastic block on the end of the pipe, and there is no way this will fit with our existing pipe structure. So we would have to put the old one back. But wait a minute, she chopped the plug off that one so it won’t work. So, now we have to call a plumber to alter our pipework so that we can replace an old dishwasher with a slightly less old dishwasher.

And Finally…

We still went to York for our annual pilgrimage, despite not being able to actually attend the races. Middlethorpe Hall was magnificent, and we decided to make the most of our night away with dinner at the National Trust hotel. Sat in the drawing room, we had several drinks beforehand, and I decided to nip back to our room to get changed.

“I was just going to bring you a menu,” the waiter said as I walked past him. “I will leave it with the young lady.”

“I would rather you left it with my wife,” I replied. I laughed at my own joke, Sally did not!

January 30, 2020 by Mike Madden

The Saga Of Advent – Christmas Comes Early

Regular readers will recall Zac’s triumphant, if a little muddy, Duke Of Edinburgh expedition. Well, of course, that’s not all he had to do. Another of his tasks was cooking. He had to cook one dish every week for three months to show that he could do it. It started off well, with brownies, pizza, even Moroccan lamb. Then he kind of lost interest. That was until the night before the deadline when he had to complete two more tasks! There was a frantic scramble for ingredients as he decided to make a chocolate log. Ambitious, but he had seen me make one several times and he loved it. Unfortunately, left to his own devices, he used Lurpak spreadable rather than solid, unsalted butter. The mixture was like water, time was pressing on, and at around 10pm he had to start again! Zac being Zac he insisted on rolling the log the opposite way to me, so he ended up with a long thin branch rather than a thick log, but it worked! A bit of icing sugar and it looked quite festive. His alarm was set, and the next morning he produced scrambled egg on toast. Not the most ambitious, but the thirteenth of his thirteen food challenges was complete. Bronze award sorted. I think the silver award is out of the question.

Sally, Zac and Ole went to see 1917 at the Light Cinema in Stockport. It was brave of Sally to watch a movie so late in the afternoon, and she may well have had a snooze, but Zac came out absolutely buzzing. Highly recommended, so much so that he has already been to see it again. This is in stark contrast to Gypsy, the subject of our annual trip to the Royal Exchange in Manchester. Whilst the theatre retains all of its charm, the play was quite simply too long!

It may well be the last chance to catch The Stranglers live in 2020 as they announced that they are withdrawing from their gruelling tours. Manchester Apollo in November promises to be an emotional night.

In the next few weeks I will be back on the air with Ex Pat Radio. Several interviews are already in the can, including a very promising French outfit called Saults and an elderly Welsh chap who is still rocking with his band Razmtaz, but the two I am most looking forward to are Steve Harley (of Cockney Rebel fame), and Suzi Quatro.

Christmas was a bust time in the kitchen – with Rocky Road and of course Creole Cake emerging unscathed (apart from a somewhat grotesque snowman!

Zac’s rants are becoming infamous, and there was another last week when he could not find his hair conditioner. It turns out that Sally had binned it, even though there was enough for another wash still remaining. “When its ketchup I have to squeeze the last drop out of the bottle, but with conditioner you just throw it out. You’re a hypocrite,” he declared to his unsuspecting mother.

She does sometimes get the better of him, or at least she thinks she does. A couple of weeks ago he refused to get out of bed, and she refused to give him a lift. It got worse and worse, and eventually he had to get the Service bus. When he got home he admitted that he did not actually get the Service bus, as his mate Alex was getting a lift from his dad and they picked Zac up at the bus stop. “Did you call him to pick you up?” I asked. “No,” Zac replied, but the guilty laugh told me otherwise.

Around Christmas could have been a stressful time for Zac, with mock exam results looming large. However, he was not really concerned. “I know how much work I’ve done to get these marks,” he reasoned, “so I will know how much more work I have to do to get better marks in the real exams.” Whether he actually does the extra work is another matter.

He seems to have spent a lot of money on his Xbox FIFA game recently, but, as ever, he has a plan. “Loads of people do it,” he said, justifying his criminal activity. “I buy some points, then tell them I’m only 12 and they have to give me my money back.” Dad’s foot went firmly down at this point.

Christmas was indeed a joyful time, and Sally loved it from the minute Ole rang her to play “Driving Home For Christmas” as he set off back to Whaley Bridge from Salford. However, he got a bit of a shock on Christmas Day. Zac had waited patiently for this moment, exacting revenge on his brother for a similar event years earlier. He carefully wrapped an iPhone 11 box (after getting instructions on how to wrap a box) and handed it to Ole on Christmas morning. Ole was so grateful to be able to replace his ageing phone, and he carefully lifted the lid to reveal… a pair of socks. “I just won Christmas”, Zac declared, with a laugh that Dick Dastardly would have been proud of.

Of course, Christmas is increasingly a time for parcel deliveries, and I was expecting a package. I received a very precise email notification, stating that it had been delivered at 11.52, but there was no sign of it. We have one of those Ring doorbells, so we checked the log. Sure enough, there was activity at 11.52, so where was it? Sally remembered the postman knocking, but she was not sure what happened after that. “It will be in the office,” she said, but it wasn’t. We searched high and low, and eventually found it tucked away in our wardrobe. “I don’t remember putting it there,” she admitted. We may have to have a Ring fitted on every door in the house so that we can trace parcels after delivery.

I’ve got another job! My trips to Kiev will soon fade away, but now the destination is Sao Paolo working with Google. That may sound exciting, and Zac is most impressed, but my first visit involved an overnight flight that landed at 6am. It was too early to check in so I got changed in the hotel toilet, then I spent a full day at the Google office. That night I had the luxury of a hotel room, and the next day I had a full day at a client office. I returned home on another overnight flight vowing never to do that kind of whistlestop trip again! I learnt that Sao Paolo traffic is amongst the worst in the world, with scores of vendors selling all manner of stuff to the drivers of endlessly stationary vehicles. I also learnt that Google have free beer in their offices every Thursday.

In fact, as I write I am on my way back to Sao Paolo on a much more sensible daytime business class flight (well, Google are paying so why not?) I had to be up at 3.40am, so I set two alarms, and then decided to add insurance with Alexa. “Alexa is the worst alarm ever,” said Zac. “You just have to say Alexa stop, and she does. Its rubbish. I have to set about ten Alexa alarms every morning.” “We know, we hear them,” Sally and I replied in unison. I have spotted a Runaway Alarm Clock on Amazon, I might just replace Zac’s Alexa with it! To make matters worse, snow was forecast overnight, making my journey to the airport potentially hazardous. “Its 31 degrees in Sao Paolo,” I announced. “Yes, but you will miss the snow,” said Zac. He will learn, one day.

I am not sure if this is the best Christmas present, but it has certainly got the most potential. The board is Velcro, and it takes footballs and tennis balls. Can’t wait for summer!

We live in a beautiful part of the world, and Sally seems to be somewhat jealous of my picture of Fernilee reservoir. I think she believes that she is the only photographer in the house. My thanks to Louise Thompson for letting her know how good my pic is!

Sad news that rockabilly legend Sleepy Labeef passed away. I first interviewed Sleepy back in 2009 which led to me meeting Mike Sanchez which led to Mike Sanchez Big Town Playboy – a marvellous adventure. RIP Sleepy.

We have launched a new app thanks to a collaboration with Manchester Metropolitan University. This one is along the lines of Panini football stickers, but for pubs You visit a pub, collect a sticker, and collect “Pint Points”. There’s also the facility to create “friends”, upload photos, and see yourself on leaderboards. Of course, its really an app to find pubs, and as it links to Google Maps you can find out what kind of establishments are in your vicinity with just a couple of clicks. It’s in beta testing at the moment, and only on Android, but we have big plans for it including a major launch during Freshers Week in September.

Android users can download the app here…

www.pubhead.com

Finally, another excitement that builds up towards Christmas is the traditional chocolate-filled Advent calendar. Mum laid one out for Ole, even though he was at university for much of the month, and one for Zac, but things did not go according to plan. Zac admitted that he had dipped into Ole’s calendar, proudly revealing that he started at the 24^th and worked backwards to avoid detection. Mum also admitted that she had snaffled a few, and when Ole got home he just gobbled up the rest. Advent finished on December 14th.

October 22, 2019 by Mike Madden

The Secret Of A Happy Marriage

I have been writing this blog for almost five years – and never have I been so busy! So lets go back to August, and our holiday to Portugal.

As so often happens, the drama started at the airport. Dad sailed through security, whilst Sally was stopped due to a can of deodorant in her luggage. Ole had put his laptop in the same tray as his bag, so he too had to have his luggage reviewed, but the best was reserved for Zac. Regular readers will know that he has taken a liking to poker, and he had packed a bag full of poker chips so that we could play whilst away. These triggered an alert, and the security guards wanted to make sure that the chips were not branded, and that he was not in fact money laundering.

It amused me when Sally and the boys looked around the car park in Faro for our hire car. I pointed to a bus. They laughed, so I pointed to the bus again. When I did it a third time they realised that, yes, I had hired a bus.

We had a lovely time at the villa and in the local area, but I have to say that the strip in Albuefeira would put Benidorm to shame. Lots of drunken English people with half priced beer watching Premier League football, in an area which is smelt like the drains needed some attention. We hurried on through and reached the seafront, where a seafood restaurant looked out over the ocean. It would have been picturesque if you could put all of the inflatable slides etc out of your mind. Anyway, they had lobster for about £90. Expensive, but it was a one off. The waiter disappeared into the kitchen, and suddenly the lobster had increased to £180. We declined and Zac had fries.

Incidentally, Tesco have started to sell whole Canadian lobsters for £6, and they are already cooked. Once defrosted you can either warm them through or eat them cold. Its obvious really, but when I was at work Sally sent me this!

Zac had a bit of a trauma with his bank, and he had to contact their call centre. He was not looking forward to it. The guy will say, “Hello, this is HSBC and my name is Bob.” But its not Bob is it? Its Rajesh, and you’re not even in England, you’re in India.

Cast your mind back to the Supreme North Face bag – well he actually managed to sell that for a £90 profit, though he had to deduct £50 for the cost of the bot that got him the purchase in the first place. Lesson learned hopefully.

It had been a rather damp summer, but Zac and his friends were undeterred. They set up a tent in our garden, complete with electricity, music and all mod cons. However, when it came down to it Zac was not keen on losing his comforts, so when all was quiet he came inside and was soon tucked up in his own bed.

Ole too has been busy, though I still cannot reveal his big news. He has auditioned for Cold Feet, a period film called Rajah, and most hilarious of all, as a presenter for CBBC. Did you know that it is impossible to touch your ear with your elbow?

Sally did very well with Nancy, finishing sixth in her first hunter trial. I will let you know when the dynamic duo are on Horse Of The Year Show.

Its been a while, but I finally got to play lads v dads with Zac’s team on the artificial pitch up at Whaley. After running around in defence for a bit I adopted a somewhat stationary role on the left wing. And then it all came flooding back. Two Cruyff turns and a solo goal later, and those fifteen year olds were wondering what happened. Even Zac had to grudgingly admit that “you’ve still got it!”. It was about a week before I could walk again – but well worth it.

The end of the cricket season came and went – and it was a bit of a damp squib. None of the raucous songs of yesteryear. However, we did manage to pull of a magnificent and unlikely victory in difficult conditions at Stalybridge in which I departed the stage as victorious captain. That is it now – Ive called it a day, until someone asks me to play just one more time next April.

The climate change marches drew a lot off attention, and often for all of the wrong reasons. Zac and his mates decided they would go, but only because it meant a day off school. Sally decided that he could go, but he would have to write a summary of events when he returned. He marched for a bit, then went to Greggs and bought a sausage roll – presented in paper which was very green. When he got home he did a great job, copying and pasting the background to the march before ending with the conclusion “it wasn’t all about climate change, a lot of people were trying to persuade you to become socialist, and most people on the march were a bit weird.”

The WBCC trip ventured to Pisa this year – a bit of culture, fine wine and great food. Has the Trip finally grown up? I doubt it – there is talk of a 20th anniversary return to Dublin next year.

My birthday was a trip down memory lane as we went to Almost Famous in Manchester. Its changed a bit – but the burgers are still the best show in town!

In other culinary matters Sally cooked some chicken and onion with the instruction that I could do something with it when I got home. Then she called me. The chicken is in a dish, she said. Where is the pan? I asked with a note of suspicion. Its soaking in the sink, she said. Its got a little burn on it. You’ve ruined it haven’t you? I said. Yes, she admitted. But you can get a replacement for about £30 from Tk-Maxx. It has become a disposable society, and it is clear that Sally is all too familiar with the burn it, throw it, replace it circle of events where pans are concerned.

My only other news in the kitchen is that stage 1 and 2 of this year’s Creole Cake have been completed.

Even Delia Online “Liked” the Tweet for this one!

Last week it was York races, and although it was a disaster financially, Sally used the opportunity to undertake a Buyanom photo shoot in the grounds of the splendid Middlethorpe Hall.

So what is Buyanom? Well its a new trading platform for stallion nominations. Its a very pricey world, and I travelled down to Newmarket in my role as Managing Director. I got to meet some very big players in the industry, as well as the delightful Francesca Cumani who presented our launch evening at Palace House in Newmarket.

The launch itself was a great evening, Francesca held it all together like the consummate professional that she is, and I met huge numbers of people that I will hopefully meet again. Afterwards there was a suggestion that we went to the local Pizza Express or maybe the Italian, but Ted, one of our founders, decided on the Jockey Club. And what a great idea it was. The sumptuous surroundings were a joy to behold, with the walls adorned by paintings, notably by Stubbs. We dined and drank (your glass is never empty in there), and then retired to the bar where I sat talking to trainer Charlie Hills. What a gent, though I doubt he would have remembered the following morning. Disappointingly he’s a Spurs fan.

Next up its Ireland in November, followed by the December sales in Newmarket. After that its Australia and the US, though the order has still to be decided. It might be the next big thing, or it might fall by the wayside, but I’ll have a lot of fun along the way.

Finally, it is our silver wedding anniversary today, but we nearly didn’t make it. On Saturday the tv in the playroom broke. Our house has two main rooms, the playroom and the lounge. To be without a tv in one of them would have meant that either I would have had to watch Strictly and a lot of other reality tv nonsense, or Sally would have had to watch sport. Divorce would have been inevitable. I nipped up to Buxton and bought a new one from Argos thus saving our 25 year marriage.

October 25, 2018 by Mike Madden

Horses, Pumpkins And A Lady – No Its Not Cinderella!

Credit where it is due! This year sees the 100th anniversary of the end of The Great War, also known as the First World War, that produced many atrocities from 1914 to 1918. I am sure that the youth of today cannot comprehend just how bad things were back then. I am 57 years old and I could not contemplate National Service, let alone the trenches and battles that killed so many. To commemorate the 100 years you may have seen “Silent Soldiers” in numerous locations. These dark silhouettes are a stark reminder of those times, and Whaley Bridge will soon be the recipient of several of them. Actually, the first of these has gone up today, on the grass at the bottom of Elnor Lane next to the Welcome To Whaley Bridge sign. Sally has been instrumental in gaining sponsorship and funding for these eloquent monuments, though the erection of the first soldier led to a few technical difficulties that she managed to overcome with the help of her brother Simon. The soldiers arrived last week, and stood silently (that’s what they do) at the bottom of of the stairs, it was actually quite eerie catching a glimpse of them every now and then – I’ll be glad when they are out on duty!

In addition to this she has been helping to raise awareness of and funds for the Fernilee church and graveyard, and many of the inhabitants of the graveyard are the same war heroes that are epitomised by the Silent Soldiers. This culminates in a huge party at the end of November, and tickets are selling like hot cakes so you had better act fast if you want one.

And whilst on the subject of war, there has been tremendous progress on the Whaley Bridge memorial that was so badly vandalised by an errant tree. Hopefully the stonemason will be able to restore it to its former glory in time for the remembrance ceremony.

They have even managed to tidy up the fallen tree!

 

Anyway, back to the mundane, and I started a new job in Leeds. I used to work in Leeds, and remembered the journey by car to be around 75 minutes. Unfortunately, I soon realised that that was 24 years ago! There is a lot more traffic on the road these days, and the average journey time is about one hour and fifty minutes. I’ve booked myself some accommodation for this week, but I have signed up until the end of February, so anyone who has a helicopter flying there regularly  please let me know.

The kitchen has, as ever, been a busy place. I pickled a whole new batch of balti paste, leaving a rather fetching aroma for several days, but I made sure that my Creole Cake had reached its next stage first, and so could not be contaminated by the smell of the sub continent.

It doesn’t look particularly pretty right now – but when it is laden with alcohol and iced with almond paste….

I also made pumpkin chutney, using the innards of my first pumpkin carving of the year, as well as citrus fruit and sultanas. Its a bit zingy – but good with cheese!

…and here’s the pumpkin…

…its a spider – looks better in the dark!

Finally – I tried a different recipe for gingerbread – not as good as my mum’s – I will be reverting to hers in time for Christmas.

We used to have an annual trip to York races – now we seem to be there every few weeks! However, I guess that the October meeting will always be our favourite – and Mick Easterby’s too! He once again managed to get his picture taken with Lady M in the Parade Ring!

And speaking of horses, this next tale is not for the weak of heart or faint of mind! Sally was watching some sort of horse event on her phone. Not sure what it was, it might even have been a recording of herself riding Nancy. Anyway, there were lots of shouts of “That’s the way”, “Go on”, and “You can do it.” Zac waited for his moment, and then quite simply asked his mum, “Is that what you shout in the bedroom?”

That’s not been his only gem this month. We received notification that there was a jobs fair at his school, and we asked him if he intended to go to it. “I might do, but I am planning on working for myself so it won’t be much good.” A noble thought, but one that deserved a challenge. “What are you going to do?” I asked. Without skipping a beat he announced, “I’m going to do your job. That seems to pay the bills.”

Product news, and I can definitely confirm that the new style and much maligned Toblerones do not last as long as the older ones. It must have something to do with the increased space which inevitably leads to less triangles. And space is not just reserved for Toblerone. I took out a box of McCain Micro Chips from the freezer and it sounded suspiciously quiet. I shook it, nothing. It appeared that the box was completely empty. It was still sealed in cellophane, so had clearly not been tampered with, it had always been without chips! Sally sensed compensation, so she emailed them. They were not exactly distraught. They asked her for the batch number and said that they would send her some vouchers by way of recompense. So what is an empty box of McCain Micro Chips worth? £6. Well, actually it is £6 in vouchers that can only be spent on other McCain products. Hardly worth the effort!

I sometimes wonder about Ole! He had the relatively simple task of getting from Salford to Whaley Bridge tonight, on the train. He somehow ended up in Bolton, and he has no idea why or how. Maybe he was trying to get his head around his newly opened Sky Bet account as he tries to make up for his complete lack of funds by gambling on the NFL. Luckily he has come to the right place!

Yes the NFL is back at Wembley, and here are a couple of travel tips. When heading down there from Macclesfield get off at Watford Junction and get the direct train from there. If you do manage to end up at Euston, don’t follow the crowds. Instead get the Victoria line for two stops to Oxford Circus, then the Bakerloo for 3 stops to Marylebone, and finally the overground train to Wembley that only takes 7 minutes. Just as easy on the way back too as it arrives at and departs form the very convenient Wembley Central. As a side note, isn’t it amazing how London has managed to name its streets and stations after the squares on a Monopoly board?

Sad news, the fox got in up at the farm and savaged Dave’s hens and his prized cock. This little fellow will no longer be there to greet me in the mornings!

However, every cloud has a silver lining, and now Nellie’s pen has expanded into the vacant lot next door!

The 21st century has arrived! I have now discovered that I can pay cheques into my HSBC account using just my phone. It scans the cheque and deposits it with very little fuss, and without trying to find a branch that has not suffered the ultimate cut by closure!

Staying in the 21st century, Zac’s bot finally worked. He managed to purchase a Supreme North Face bag, for the princely sum of £188 plus £5 postage. Now, it doesn’t look like a £193 bag, but who am I to judge? His next task is to either keep it, or sell it on Stock-X, the marketplace for this kind of high end nonsense. At the moment the bag is selling for around £210, which would mean no profit or even a small loss taking into account their commission. I will let you know the outcome, meanwhile when December comes around there is a really big drop, so who knows what he and his bot will end up with. My credit card is braced for the assault.

Which brings me nicely on to my latest writing project, Clickbait. Its a horror novella, around 10-12000 words (if I ever get around to finishing it), and I am trying a new marketing technique. Rather than just bombarding people with ‘please buy my book’ messages, I have created a blog that explains the dangers of Clickbait. So whilst you may not be tempted to buy the book, at least you might learn something!

The cover has once again been created by the wonderfully talented Emmy Ellis at Studioenp.

Click here for the Clickbait blog

I will be adding new Clickbait examples on the blog over the coming months.

We have an unexpected addition to Zac’s diet. Lobster. I don’t think it will ever quite replace sausages, but he tucked in to half a lobster tail, and now he is looking forward to trying King Prawns. He has also started to tolerate Heinz Spaghetti on toast, which is a huge improvement on 12 months ago!

Finally, the US is going absolutely mental on the political front, with the mid-term elections fast approaching. If you have not been following – you have a lot of catching up to do. This week some suspicious packages were sent to various Democrats as well as to CNN. Now, you would think that a Republican supporter would be to blame, right? Not necessarily. You see, it has become so twisted that there is a strong belief that a Democrat supporter sent them so as to adversely affect the support for Republicans. But I have another theory. What if a Republican really did send them, thinking that a Democrat would get blamed for trying to adversely affect the Republican vote? Still with it? Well, to compound the situation the US president then said the media and politicians should not treat each other as enemies and should not encourage violence, exactly the behaviour that he has been showing for the past two years, or maybe that’s just the fake media reporting it so! Maybe not, I am sure I have seen some footage of his rallies and some white supremacists at the White House! Stay tuned, November 6th promises to be a real rollercoaster. In the meantime – here is my take on it…

SIDES

There have always been sides
Parallel, perpendicular, adjacent sides
Sides that could touch each other
So close together
But now I look at all sides
I see them all so wide
Apart, so torn apart
Separated both by head and heart
Each so sure of wrong and right
Each so sure of truth and lie
A river through the great divide
Where ethics come to die
And morals shrink
Beneath the outstretched hand
And dollars rule the land
Signed with poisoned ink
As the buttons on a shirt
Can draw two sides to stay
Or let them drift away
For now but never hurt
Alas our fabric has been gripped
The fields of our cotton have been ripped
Forced by hands of fury
Buttons fall beside Old Glory
Fastenings never more
Strewn across the floor
And so the shirt falls open
No modesty remains, no token
And vulgar nakedness no longer hides
A shadow cast across both sides

October 3, 2018 by Mike Madden

Broccoli, Brett And A Bot

Well let’s start this month with Zac’s money making scheme. His first purchase has been a bot that runs on his laptop to automatically buy expensive Supreme stuff that he hopes to sell at a profit. The bot cost around £60 – and he left it running on his computer while he went off to school, leaving me with strict instructions  on what I should and should not do. As it turned out it found the correct product, but failed to buy it because of incorrect credit card details. The following week it failed to buy because of a mis-spelling. Then, just to confirm it worked, Zac bought a keychain for £17. Yes, £17. It came with some labels too – and a shiny white plastic bag. But £17! I remain sceptical.

January 3, 2018 by Michael Madden

Police And Thieves And Celebrities

Happy New Year to everyone, and the run up to Christmas has been as eventful as ever.

Certain things always happen at certain times of the year, and I’m A Celebrity seems to be one of them. It finished mercifully quickly, but that did not stop Zac from getting in on the act. One of the questions asked was, ‘What percentage of men would give up sex for a million pounds?’

Zac proudly announced that he wouldn’t, then he asked me. I took the same stance.

Ex footballer Dennis Wise mulled it over, wondering what Boris Johnson’s dad would do (Mr Johnson Snr being another ‘Celebrity’.) He considered that Mr Johnson Snr might already have stopped having sex, so giving it up wouldn’t really be a hardship.

Zac saw the merits in this, and I knew where his line of thinking was going.

‘Have you stopped yet?’ he asked me, without a hint of embarrassment. When I replied that I hadn’t he had his own announcement to make.

‘Neither have I. I’ve not even started yet!’

Speaking of Zac, his latest purchase is a tongue scraper, and he has been letting all of his friends know just how wonderful it feels when you have scraped your tongue!

I’ve been travelling to London quite a bit recently, for business and pleasure. The pleasure side of it led to a great night of American Football for Thanksgiving, whilst the business side of it is mainly around my role as GDPR Consultant. However, in an interesting twist, I may be about to become non executive director of a software development company. Never done that before – so I will let you know how it goes.

Elvis Under The Covers got a bad review on Amazon, but that’s ok. If everything was five stars people would be suspicious. As Phineas T. Barnum supposedly once said, ‘there’s no such thing as bad publicity’.

Its been a busy time in the kitchen, as you might expect in the festive season. The chocolate log was confirmed as ‘The Best Cake Ever’ by Ole and Zac, an accolade that I am happy to take from my pair of cake fiends.

A week or so later, however, there was a lot of swelling and angry redness which indicated an infection.

Sally put this down to a walk to the Drum & Monkey on Christmas Eve, as that 400 yard round trip was obviously worse than chasing after her and her horse around Bakewell on Boxing Day!

Speaking of which, she looked rather splendid in her new costume. It seems that she has had quite a few new costumes to accompany last year’s Christmas present!

Anyway, New Year’s Eve definitely provided a highlight as we ventured off to Edwina Currie’s jungle room for a party. Unfortunately we were not able to stay all night, but we were there long enough for a famous face to arrive. ‘I am sure that I know her,’ Sally announced, shortly followed by, ‘isn’t that Linda Lusardi?’ My first impression was that it couldn’t be Ms Lusardi unless she has had a breast reduction, but shortly afterwards the unsuspecting celebrity came over to speak to Sally and to complement her on her outfit (including the customised Primarni boots)!

We had to dash off, which Ms Lusardi was quite disappointed about, though she did happen to mention that she was appearing in panto in Northwich. Sally googled Linda Lusardi and found out that she was indeed in panto, but that was last year in Gravesend. However, the ever resourceful Lady M then googled Northwich panto and came up with Vicky Michelle, aka Yvette from Allo Allo! An easy mistake to make!

 

 

December 6, 2016 by Michael Madden

So, how was it for you?

Regular readers will no doubt be pleased to learn that that both of my complaints have been resolved. KLM paid £503 into my bank account mid November (for the flight chaos from July), whilst Virgin Trains, well, let’s just say they have paid compensation. Ok, since you asked, how much do you think they paid for the ordeal of standing nose to nose with the great unwashed for just under 2 hours on a train to London, where seat reservations were ‘out of the window’ (not literally of course)? The grand total of £5! A whole fiver, including the animal fat. Now before you get all giddy and put in a compensation claim of your own, that was between us. So, £2.50 each. That makes me feel a lot less guilty about blagging first class!

I’ve been in festive mood in the kitchen, I guess its all that Christmas Food channel on Sky. Anyway, my Creole Cake is steeping nicely, having been fed with rum, brandy and port. A drop of sherry before icing will just about do it. And thanks to Rachel Allen I now have a good idea of the ‘icing’ I am going to put on it. Speaking of the lovely Rachel (always had a thing for the Irish accent – southern of course), I used her recipe to make these interesting mince pie muffins with egg nog icing. I quite like them, Sally definitely does not. Helen does, but she seems to like everything I cook. Might put more mincemeat in them next time.

November 10, 2016 by Michael Madden

Slimline or Full Fat? Cucumber or Lemon? Lady M Insists!