February 26, 2018 by Michael Madden

Scary In Print – Scarier In The Kitchen!

A couple of catch ups from the festive period, we went to see Guys And Dolls at the Royal Exchange Theatre in Manchester. This fantastic theatre always puts on a good show, and midweek tickets for under 26 year olds are just £7. Get yourself down there.

My surgery developed an infection, so my surgeon prescribed a seven day course of antibiotics. Fortunately, it being the festive season, they were unaffected by alcohol. However, they did provide another conundrum – the instructions said to take them either one hour before or two hours after food. When does that ever happen? Anyway, they obviously worked as a few days later I was given the all clear – and that’s that. Twenty five months after a high tibial osteotomy, I now have the legs of an 18 year old. He will be livid when he finds out.

Another good thing happened at Christmas – my credit card stopped working! Something to do with fraud, and I had to get a new card. No spending on it for seven days – and it was more than delighted at this unexpected detox.

The new year brought an unexpected cancellation of Ole’s driving test, so we rebooked it quickly and applied for out of pocket expenses (still not paid!) Unfortunately the rebooking was for Buxton, whereas all of his lessons have been in Macclesfield. That probably explains why he failed for driving too slowly! Anyway, all’s well that ends well, and on Valentine’s Day he successfully passed in Buxton, with just one minor fault. That’s 16 minor faults less than I got!

I’m still getting out and about with work – this time to Southampton. Piece of cake! I flew from Manchester, and on the return journey I was still in the office at 3.30 and landed in Manchester at 5.15. Quicker and cheaper than the train. Next stop…Exeter! My new website has finally been completed. Need a few more images – but its a lot better than it was previously!

Legacy IT Consultants Limited

With the MMU students, the broken links app is coming along a little more slowly than I would like, but the Tideswell Male Voice Choir website is almost done. The Cookie Policy generator should be ready in time for the Expo on March 16th.

Another website that came to my attention is my Whaley Bridge takeaway blog. This contains menus for all of the takeaways in Whaley Bridge, but I have not updated it for around 3 years. In fact, I’d forgotten about it until a friend said that his children use it all the time. So, my mission for this week is to bring it up to date. I will try to add the chippies, and maybe the cafes too. Update – takeaways done!

Takeaways in Whaley Bridge

I did an interview on Ex Pat Radio with Scottish author Eilidh McGinness. She’s a fascinating character, and has a new book, The Cypher Bureau, coming out in March. The interview went well, and now Eilidh and myself are guest presenters on The Book Show every week! Still not quite sure how that happened, but never mind, it will give me a great opportunity to publicise my latest book.

Yes, regular readers, The History Of Zombies is finally available on the virtual and real shelves. The wonderfully talented Emmy Ellis at Studioenp did the cover – and we are very pleased with it.

 

 

 

It finally happened, Sally walked in to room and had to ask, ‘What did i come in here for?’ Its all down hill from here!

It was her birthday recently, and after the fiasco of Zac’s birthday when the firework candles expired before he got off his X-Box, he decided that mum’s cake would make up for it. I have to say it was a bit of a fire risk!

Our quest for the perfect Sunday lunch took us back to The Bull’s Head at Foolow, and once again it didn’t disappoint. Any recommendations for more local venues would be much appreciated.

Ole won a scholarship. This was for his ‘A’ Level results, and it amounted to £2,000. I fear that this will now completely deter him from ever getting a student job, and it is certainly not a reflection of his common sense. He spent a proportion of it on flights and tickets for the Bencassim festival in Spain (yes I know he hasn’t received the money yet – but that didn’t seem to matter). I advised him to book Priority + 2 bags on Ryanair, as they have changed the rules. He completed the transaction, along with several other flatmates, but then he had to ask, ‘what kind of bag have I booked?’ I can see an opportunity for hiring a minibus to rescue lost teenage Brits wandering around Valencia in late July!

The Superbowl was a tremendous game, and Ole managed to stay up and watch it all in his Student Union bar. He is really getting into it – and I have now acquired season tickets for the Wembley games in October. It may even be to watch the Superbowl winning Philadelphia Eagles, so I guess we know who Zac will be supporting.

Zac has been dong well at football, he won a man of the match award and after a hard fought victory at Rose Hill his team mate tried to pick him up. Dec is probably one of the smallest on the team, and Zac certainly proved to be an immovable object. A few weeks later and Ole came to watch his brother play for the first time in ages. Ole was surprised at how well Zac has improved as a goalkeeper and all round footballer, whilst Zac was spurred on to another man of the match award as Whaley Under 14s hung on for a 2-1 victory.

And finally, as they used to say on the news, here is a strange one. Zac fell out with one of his long time friends, which was a bit sad, but then I saw them laughing and joking at the weekend. ‘I thought you had fallen out with him?’ I commented. ‘Not in real life,’ came the rather puzzling reply. ‘What do you mean not in real life?’ ‘We’ve only fallen out on the X-Box. Jim’s character can be really stupid sometimes. So their X-Box characters have fallen out – but they are still best of friends!

June 4, 2017 by Michael Madden

Teenage Depression And The Best Burgers In The World

Financial choices can be difficult within families – do you put it aside for university? Do you try to get the best interest rate? There are countless options, but I didn’t really expect Sally’s question when she asked, ‘Should I put Zac’s money into ISIS?’

Speaking of Sally, after almost 23 years of marriage I still don’t think she quite gets my sense of humour. She was watching a documentary about the ill-fated dodo on tv. ‘When did the dodo become extinct?’ she asked. ‘Dodo,’ I replied. The withering look of disdain told me she didn’t find it funny!

Elvis Under The Covers is going well as the deadline approaches – including quotes from Louise Hoffsten and Mary Coughlan. I read Mary’s autobiography last week – and it was superb. Baring her soul about growing up in Ireland and making it, losing it and making it again in the music industry. Thoroughly recommend you check her out.

Mary Coughlan’s website

#Elvisunderthecovers

Cricket took a turn for the better at the beginning of the month, with a knock of 162no. And I was still able to walk the day after. Now, I have had big scores before, two over 100, but apparently this broke records for Whaley Bridge second team, and at my age there is probably an even greater sense of pride than if I had done it 20 years ago. Unfortunately I have been consigned to the first team ever since!

Right – I’m going to put this in print so that it doesn’t get forgotten. Russ Wild and I are starting a band – him on ukelele and me on bass guitar. It will be an unusual and perhaps unique sound, to say the least, and we are currently working on parodies. We have no name for the band as yet – but the working titles of a couple of songs are Menopausal Man Blues and My Wife Is A Serial Killer.

Zac, as ever, seems hard done to. ‘I’m this close to depression,’ he declared one evening, going on to explain, ‘do you know what the single biggest cause of teenage depression is?’ The swiftness of his reply told us that the question had been rhetorical. ‘Homework,’ he confirmed. So what mountain of homework had brought on this state of melancholy? His English teacher had asked him to complete 3 sheets of A4 paper. Including pictures!

We had a visit from Nixie a couple of weeks ago. It was only supposed to be for a day, then overnight. Then another night. And another. It was joyous to see her, and she had a great time on the trampoline with the boys, but three days with a 1 year old can be quite tiring! Something that we had long since forgotten. We are stocking up on espresso and Sanatogen ready for her next visit!

My sister has taken to riding horses. Or more accurately, she has taken to falling off horses. She is a bit younger than me, but she doesn’t bounce as well as she once might have done! Any suggestions?

Zac had to bake a cake for school. Well that’s not strictly true. He had to make a guillotine, and apparently Minecraft was a suitable medium to use. Anyway, Zac found that too hard, so he decided to bake a cake and then ice a picture of a guillotine on to the cake. With it so far? So, it was the night before the guillotine project was due in, and I was blissfully unaware of all this. I was at Old Trafford, and the game finished around 9.45pm. I was walking back to the car and I got a phone call. It was Zac, explaining the Minecraft situation and asking if I would bake a cake when I got in. He then said that he had made the cake, it just needed cooking. He had got a recipe from Youtube, and the time for baking was somewhere between 20 and 50 minutes, and that would be beyond his bedtime. The icing would be done in the morning. So, an hour later I poured his cake batter into a tin and put it in the oven. I tasted the batter, and it seemed to have something missing, but it was 11pm so I left it! It came out quite well, and the following morning he managed this design.

It looked good, so he took it in and it got shared about. How was it? Zac was non committal, which was strange as it was chocolate cake! I asked him what sugar he had put in it, and he said, ‘what do you mean?’ I clarified my question. ‘Did you put granulated, or brown, or caster sugar in?’ He thought for a moment, then explained, ‘the recipe said granulated, but I couldn’t find any of that so I just left it out’. Straight out of the Sally Madden school of cookery!

Two days after the Nixie mini holiday Ole took it upon himself to visit The Shepherds, and then he came home with a friend who was staying over. It was around 10.30 when I locked up and went to bed, and it was a bit of a shock when we were woken at 4 by Ole and his mate banging on the door. It transpired that he had gone to Manchester on the last train and partied until the early hours. He was very much the worse for wear, though to be fair he did get up to go to his last day of college, albeit briefly! So when the situation was dissected he asked why we had locked the door. ‘I thought you were in bed,’ I explained. ‘You didn’t even know I wasn’t in the house?’ the astonished 17 year old replied. ‘That’s just bad parenting!’

Despite our obvious lack of parenting skills the two boys decided to accompany us on a 5 day break to Italy. We flew to Brindisi, somewhere near the heel, and the cock ups started at the airport. With the heightened security Zac got the full patting down treatment as he had left his inhaler in his pocket going through the metal detector, and then both he and Ole had their bags searched as they had left spare inhalers inside. We eventually landed at our destination to find a cock up with the car, but it was probably a blessing in disguise that we got a taxi to our hotel as Sally’s navigational skills leave a lot to be desired. The hotel was lovely.

Tenuta Moreno

We arrived late at night and had a plate of bread, fruit and cheese waiting for us, as well as four large glasses of red wine! The next day we went back to the airport to pick up the car, and were told that as we wanted the car for one less day we would have to pay an extra 94 Euros, which is more than what it cost in the first place. That puzzled the lady at Budget as well as ourselves. Fortunately the rental company agreed to repay this, so we returned to the hotel and for once Sally navigated us right to the door. Now, we know that Italians can make pizza, pasta, ice cream and coffee, well in the small town of Mesagne I can confirm that they make quite possibly the best burgers on the planet – and I have tried a few! Burger Eat Gourmet is the top rated restaurant in the town on Tripadvisor, so we gave it a whirl. Three 200 gram burgers, all excellently prepared and presented on a bun that was sturdy enough to not fall apart, together with chips and a bacon baguette for Zac. This wasn’t on the menu but they made it anyway, and seemed happy to oblige! Beer, wine, water and Sprite all accompanied the burgers, and the cost came to an unbelievable 48 Euros.

Would you? This one’s a New Yorker!

The next day we took advice from our cabbie and headed for the beach. It was half an hour away, but well worth the journey as we rented four sun beds and two umbrellas for 24 Euros. The man on the beach said that in August the same furniture would cost 8-10 times that! The locals claimed that this was their Caribbean, which is stretching it a bit, but the sea was clear, shallow and completely free of rocks for miles. An excellent pizzeria bordered the beach, and we spent a marvellously lazy day throwing a tennis ball and a frisbee until some pesky kids got in the way!

,

January 6, 2017 by Michael Madden

Leave The Cooking To Dad

We are just 6 days into 2017 and Expedia have already made an outstanding case for the worst customer service of the year.

The start of the new year is always a good time to plan ahead, so I decided to look for a short break for the May half term, which happens to be the only school holiday where the kids are off at the same time. They do have an overlapping week at Easter, but firstly Europe is not that warm in April, and secondly the travel companies do like to pull your pants down and have their way with you as a kind of addendum to the traditionally religious festival.

So, I found 4 nights at a rather nice hotel flying with Ryanair to Brindisi. I looked it up, and it turns out to be in Southern Italy, so what could possibly go wrong. I sat on it for a couple of days, and then decided that the time was right. So, on Tuesday, I went on to the Expedia website armed with a credit card, and the confidence that I had used the site so many times that I had now reached gold status. The cost was around £1300 for four of us, so imagine my surprise when the minimum amount rose to over £1800. I did a bit of digging and it transpired that Expedia no longer offered the Ryanair flights. I then discovered that I could get the same package, with the Ryanair flights, for around £1500 on Opodo. I then discovered that I could get flight only on Expedia with Ryanair for just under £400. So I wondered why they wouldn’t offer the flights as part of a package.

Still with it?

Well, I decided to call Expedia to find out, and that was when things started to go wrong. Fortunately iPhones log all of your calls, including duration, and that is how I know that the first call lasted precisely 49 minutes. During thus time I was told that my original package was indeed available for around £1300 plus a £7 credit card charge. I gave all of the passenger details, confirmed the dates and the hotel, and went on hold. After several minutes the customer services lady, cant remember her name but let’s call her Mrs Singh, came back on the line.

Mrs Singh: I’m sorry Mr Madden it is taking a long time to go through, are you still ok to hold?
Me: Yes thats fine.

Several more minutes silence.

Mrs Singh: It is still not going through. I will ask my supervisor why. Are you still ok to hold?
Me: Yes thats fine.

Several more minutes silence.

Mrs Singh: Do you have another card? It is not accepting this one?
Me: Is it declining?
Mrs Singh: No, it just doesn’t seem to be going through. But the price has come down to £1258. I will try again…No it is still not accepting it. Do you have another card?
Me: No. Don’t worry. I will book it through Opodo.
Mrs Singh: Let me try one last time. Are you ok to hold?
Me: Yes that’s fine.

Several more minutes silence.

Mrs Singh: It won’t let me book it because of the flight. I don’t know why. Should I look for another flight?
Me: No thanks.
Mrs Singh: What if I got you another flight at the same price?
Me: No thanks. The flight with Ryanair goes direct from Manchester to Brindisi. Alternative flights go half way around Europe to get to the same destination.
Mrs Singh: What if I guaranteed the same price?
Me: No thanks. If that flight is not available I will go somewhere else.
Mrs Singh: What if I tried to book the flights and hotel separately?
Me: That is usually more expensive.
Mrs Singh: What if I guaranteed the same price?
Me: That would be fine. Go for it.
Mrs Singh: Are you ok to hold?
Me: Yes that’s fine.

Several more minutes silence.

After 49 minutes the phone went dead. I was cut off, which was unfortunate, but not the end of world. I seriously doubted Mrs Singh’s ability to do what she had promised, but then I thought what if she actually had done it? So I called back. Obviously I didn’t get Mrs Singh, so let’s call the new chap Mr Patel.

I explained the situation to Mr Patel and he tried to resolve it.

Mr Patel: I have your details Mr Madden, are you ok to hold?
Me: Yes thats fine.

Several minutes silence.

Mr Patel: It says I can’t book it because of the flights.
Me: Yes, that’s what happened before.
Mr Patel: Should I try to book it separately?
Me: That’s what your previous agent tried to do but we got cut off.
Mr Patel: Are you ok to hold?
Me: Yes that’s fine.

Several more minutes silence.

Mr Patel: What price were you quoted?
Me: Anything from £1258 to £1306.
Mr Patel: The cost of the flights is £383 and the cost of the hotel is £1032.
Me: Thats a total of over £1400. I am not prepared to pay that.
Mr Patel: Ok what shall I do then?
Me: Nothing thanks. Goodbye.

I decided that I would check online later.

Next I received an email. Not from Expedia, but from Ryanair. Interestingly, it was timed 26 minutes into my 49 minute conversation with Mrs Singh. It confirmed my booking for 4 flights for £432.40. That’s £50 more than Expedia’s Mr Patel quoted just minutes earlier. I quickly went to the Ryanair and Expedia websites and found the same flights still available for under £400. I rang Expedia again. This time I was put through to customer service rather than bookings. Now I realise that you think that me calling the Expedia representatives Mrs Singh and Mr Patel could be construed as being racist, but that is not the case. They are actually very common British names! However, I do have an aversion to non British call centres where the operatives can barely string two coherent English words together. So, now that I have cleared that one up, I spoke to the customer service chap. Let’s call him Mr Smith. Unfortunately Mr Smith had what appeared to be a very strong Mumbai accent.

Mr Smith: Hello Mr Madden. What appears to be the problem?
I explained my previous two conversations and the email.
Mr Smith: So you didn’t want the flight only booking?
Me: No. I specifically told ‘Mrs Singh’ that I would accept separate bookings only if she could guarantee the same price as a package booking. Go back to your call recording and check.
Mr Smith: So what about the flight only booking?
Me: Well unless you can add on the hotel I suggest you cancel it as I have no intention of paying the hotel only price.
Mr Smith: It is with Ryanair. They wont let us cancel it.
Me: That is your problem, not mine. I did not authorise that booking so I expect a full refund or a hotel.
Mr Smith: I will look into it. Are you ok to hold?
Me: Yes.

Several minutes of hold music – interestingly I got music when on to customer service but silence in bookings!

Mr Smith: We can’t cancel the flight booking. Can you book a hotel?
Me: What?
Mr Smith? Can you book a hotel?
Me: Yes. I could book a hotel. Bit I have already apparently paid £50 more than quoted for flights and if I book the hotel separately I will end up paying another £200 extra.
Mr Smith: Can you book the hotel and we will look into it?
Me: Your customer service is shocking. I have gold status, I wonder what it would be like if I was entry level? Anyway, I will book the hotel at a cost of £1032 if you guarantee to refund the difference.
Mr Smith: We will need to listen to the calls. That will take 48 hours.
Me: That’s fine. So how will you get back to me?
Mr Smith: We will email you or call you. But it will take 72 hours.
Me: Can we just end this now before it takes any longer?
Mr Smith: I’m sorry?
Me: So am I. Goodbye. (51 minutes later)

So, I booked the hotel, and it was indeed £1032. I then decided to back up my claim by contacting Expedia via email, which is a lot harder to do than you might imagine. I stumbled upon their price match guarantee page, so I filled in the form, and used the comments section to elaborate on why Expedia owed me around £250.

Yesterday was interesting. I received two different flight confirmations from Expedia, and an email from their price match team stating that my claim was not valid as I had booked hotel only, Aaaaargh!! I then emailed them back to tell them to read the comments section (I was amazingly polite), and they did actually reply saying they apologise for the miscommunication and they would look into it. I would have to wait.

I am still waiting – approximately 70 hours into their 72 hour promise….

Sally lost her iPhone. She knew approximately where, but not exactly. In fact, she had a choice of three places. So, she quite sensibly logged on to the findmyiphone app. Sure enough, there it was, in Drinkwater’s where she had left it. Unfortunately it was Saturday afternoon, and it was closed. And we didn’t have the number. This revealed a flaw in the app, that would be really useful if it was called findthenumberoftheguywhoownstheshopwhereileftmyiphone rather than just findmyiphone. Undeterred, she put a request out on Facebook for the number of Jim from Drinkwater’s. Half an hour later she was getting impatient. ‘I thought it was supposed to be quick this social media,’ she complained, so I pointed out that if she wanted to find something out about Kanye it would probably come back a lot quicker than the contact details of the owner of a plumber’s merchant in Whaley Bridge! Anyway, all’s well that ends well, and my thanks to Jim for opening up on a Saturday afternoon so that we could retrieve the phone.

So, it’s Christmas, and there was a lot of festive baking going on. I used Rachel Allen’s toasted almond paste recipe to cover my Creole Cake, and it looked and tasted really good, even if it was a bit fiddly. And speaking of fiddly, I made a chocolate log. Well, I actually made two chocolate logs, filled with Nutella buttercream. The first disappeared rather quickly, and when I asked Zac how much he had eaten he simply said ‘loads’!

Another messy one was Christmas Gingerbread Biscuits. I made two batches of these – the second with considerably more ginger. Icing these has always been a pain, but rather than use the tiny tubes from Tesco, I got large ones from Sainsbury’s and the result was much better.

I also made strawberry cheesecake, which was ok, but didn’t quite set properly. The problem was solved by the freezer, but I might just try a baked one next time.

 

The run up to Christmas was fraught, as Ole finished off the chocolate in his Advent calendar before the 10th. The chocolates on the Christmas tree didn’t last much longer either. Ole had zero, Zac had two, I had zero, and Sally may have had one. The remainder must have been stolen by the cats. Sally was at the end of her tether and she announced that she was not buying any of these treats next year, at around the same time as she reached the bottom of her giant tube of Smarties.

There were tears, and I was feeling quite smug. Brownie points earned for the year, and lots of time spent at the stable for Lady M. Not so. The following day I had to go to Bakewell for the hunt (before you get upset its a drag hunt, and not a very successful one at that). The streets of Bakewell were packed awaiting the spectacular departure of hounds and horses and riders, but the day almost came to a premature end when ‘Nancy’ spooked at a bicycle. Lady M kept her together well, and off they went.

June 3, 2016 by Michael Madden

Brexit And Ball Pools

Its been a busy few weeks – not even had any time to update this blog. And in the near future it looks like its going to get even busier! Could be off to Washington DC again, including a day trip to Toronto. Hopefully it will be all worth it in the end.

Of course, when you are busy your health can suffer, and when I saw my physio today she advised me that the swelling in my knee was a flare up through doing too much. Particularly cricket, and particularly batting. Well what can I say? I’ve got an average almost as big as my age (over 50), and on Saturday I batted for about 45 minutes with Ole as we put together a match winning partnership. So I guess I’ll have to bat left handed!

My sister Fiona got bitten by a dog, and yes I do think that this is as funny as you might imagine. Its caused a bit of a furore, and no doubt there will be compensation and retribution involved. In fact, I think she expects the dog to suffer the same fate as that gorilla.

So what’s been happening? Well, Zac, mainly. He went to a party at a jumping place in Handforth. All was well until it was time to leave and he realised he had dropped his inhaler in the ball pool. Of course, that was the cue for a mass invasion of the ball pool, and little round plastic balls being thrown everywhere. The inhaler was found, and Sally made a sharp exit amongst mumbled apologies.

Zac has also taken an interest in life insurance. I told him that if you break a leg you could only get a few hundred pounds at the most, but as ever, he has a plan. He suggested that you could pay a doctor to say that you have broken every bone in your body and you are lucky to be alive. Next day a cheque for half a million would arrive on your doorstep.

Unsurprisingly he has been grounded more than once, but it has had no effect. So I struck a deal. When my phone contract is up for renewal in January he can have my old phone, but every time he is naughty I will add a day onto the date that he gets it. Starting at zero, I would subtract 1 for every misdemeanour, and there were no additions. After three days he was on -8 and barred from his X-Box for five days. Back to the drawing board.

It has been a great month for kids football, with both Ole and Zac winning their respective leagues. Trophies galore, and junior presentation night should be entertaining at Whaley Club.

 

Back to Zac again, and a bit of a mystery about his maths homework. John Jodrell tipped me off as Lewis had to have his in the following day, and there was no sign of Zac doing any. ‘Are you in the same class as Lewis?’ I asked. ‘Yes’. ‘Well his homework has to be in tomorrow. Where’s yours?’ ‘Its at school.’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well its a long story…’ Anyone got a number for Supernanny?

The next story involves Meg, and Zac! Zac was supposed to escort Meg onto and off the school bus and bring her to our house. As an aside I received a text from Chapel School earlier in the day stating that there had been a small fire but everyone was safe. My first instinct was ‘what’s he done now?’ but it wasn’t actually him. He arrived home, but without Meg. ‘So where is she?’ ‘We had a fire at school. Must have lost her in the excitement.’ ‘Was she on your bus?’ ‘Don’t know.’ Fortunately Sally had anticpated this kind of thing and met Meg at the bus stop.

We had a nice treat when Pixie came round and stayed for a couple of days. She settled in well. Very chilled. Loves bouncing, strawberries, and vanilla slices.

 

Ive managed to get somewhere with the Rock & Roll musical. Five songs constructed and a good idea of the plot. Maybe next year…

Its barbeque season, and smoked cod loin and fresh tuna have already been on the menu. As have king prawns placed on foil with chilli, coriander and garlic oil. Leave them until they sizzle. We’ve also had plenty of marinated chicken (so easy, and so tender), and tonight I will unleash my new toy – a smoke box with apple and hickory wood chips. Today is an experiment before the pulled pork gets the full treatment on Sunday.

The latest orange infused Creole Cake is just as moist as the previous one. Not overpoweringly orangey – but the taste is there. Should have perfected this in time for Christmas.

My credit card got hacked again. What a pain that is. Cancelling everything and then having to set up new payment details for the likes of eBay, Amazon, etc. Maybe that’s the problem in the first place?!

In an attempt to focus Zac’s mind I have started teaching him COBOL. We’ve got as far as data (i.e. chapter 1) and we already have an attention span issue.

Finally, there’s the vote later this month. To Leave Or Not To Leave? That is the question.

Here’s an article extolling the virtues of voting out…

To Brexit

And here’s the opposite view…

Not To Brexit

I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody actually knows! To Brexit or not to Brexit – that is the question. We could revisit the reasons for joining in the first place, but the world has changed a lot since then. I’ve heard that leaving will be an economic disaster, and I’ve heard that we will become a new global superpower without the millstone of the EU. I’ve heard that the EU has prevented WW3 but we survived 20odd years without one prior to joining. I’ve heard that a joined up EU will prevent terrorism (tell that to Paris, Brussels, London, etc) and I’ve heard that closing our borders is the best policy. So really, no one knows, because no one has done it before. And really, if we left would you trust the politicians to do it properly, or will some behind the scenes links still exist to feather their nests (well they’ve got to make up for the expenses shortfall somehow). The only people who will definitely profit from a Brexit are the sign writers. So do your own research, toss a coin, ignore the political rhetoric, and hang on to your hats!

April 30, 2016 by Michael Madden

There’s A Moose Loose Aboot This Hoose

Regular readers will recall that Sally opened a packet of popcorn recently and found that it was nothing more than air. This week her box of compensatory goodies arrived. ‘Hardly a year’s supply,’ she complained, though I don’t think that was ever the deal. There was, of course, some popcorn, as well as Tyrell’s vegetable crisps (just don’t go there). Zac, however, was more interested in the airbags that were packed to ensure the goods remained undamaged. Wasn’t that the problem in the first place?

Sally came home yesterday waxing lyrically about the deer in the field a stone’s throw from our house. She then said that must be what Zac was on about when he said he had seen a moose. From there the conversation went downhill.
Sally, ‘Zac, that wasn’t a moose in the field, it was a deer’
Zac, ‘I didn’t say I saw a moose. I said I saw a yak’
Sally, ‘Well it wasn’t a yak it was a deer’
Zac, ‘It was a yak when I saw it’

This had the potential to go on for ages, so I decided to take a look for myself. I cycled that way this morning and saw no moose, no yaks, and no deer. I did see some horses under the trees, and from a distance it could be said that the branches above their heads looked like antlers. The case is not yet closed!

Last night I picked up Sally and Helen and gave Hell Dog a lift home to Chinley. They were clearly pissed. Sally spotted an unusual pattern in the sky…

Sally, ‘Look at the red sky. Red sky at night, shepherds delight’
Helen, ‘That always reminds me of shepherds pie. I like shepherds pie’
Sally, ‘I like shepherds pie too. Michael, do you like shepherds pie?’

I turned the music up. A lot.

The Creole Cake has had its first feed, with two tablespoons of Cointreau drizzled into it. Another three weeks until the official tasting. Book early!

Yesterday was home made pizza day. A bit of a faff, but well worth it in the end, and the combination of pineapple and jalapeno is quite mouthwatering.

February 6, 2016 by Michael Madden

My Golden Plums

The Transylvanian Green Bean Soup caused a bit of stir last week. Sally asked how I would ever consider making such a thing, and its quite simple really. She would not think twice about buying a hundredweight of beetroot or red cabbage to eventually end up with a small jar of pickle, whilst I looked in the freezer and saw that we had at least 5 kilos of green beans, therefore, in my mind, a green bean recipe was called for. The green bean forest was caused by Sally’s scatter gun approach to shopping, but that is a discussion for another day. Anyway, green bean soup is, unfortunately, not just green beans, so I had to get soured cream and parsley, but everything else was already in the cupboard.

And here’s how it happens…

900g green beans
bunch of fresh parsley (chopped)
1 clove garlic (crushed)
water
salt
2-3 slices bacon
3 tablespoons cornflour
1 onion (chopped)
1 pot soured cream
3 tablespoons vinegar

Put the green beans, parsley, garlic and salt in a large pan. Cover with water and bring to the boil.
Fry the bacon until well done, then chop and add to the pan.
Add the onion, cornflour and a little water to the frying pan and mix until smooth. Add it to the green beans pan then stir in the soured cream and vinegar. Bring to the boil and simmer for 20 minutes.

If you want any other recipes for stuff mentioned here just let me know.

Sometimes there is something that I just want to make, for instance Creole Cake. This calls for a load of ingredients, including Cherry Brandy and Angostura Bitters. There’s no way I’m buying bottles of those for a one off cake, so I put out a a FB message and found them both in the same place. Fortunately my sister Fiona has a reputation where alcohol is concerned, and she will be delivering at least 3 tablespoons of each this week. Any idea what Angostura Bitters is? I had always thought that it is part of a hangover cure, and maybe it is. Originating from Trinidad in the Caribbean, it contains 44.7% alcohol. So maybe it won’t cure your hangover, but it will probably make you forget about it in a hurry.

Heading for Nottingham last week I left Chilli Chicken and Garlic Chilli Chicken behind. One extra word but completely different dishes. The first is along the lines of chilli con carne, whilst the second is a curry. Both can be found in Mmm…No1…Cookbook.

Mmm…No1…Cookbook on Kindle

Today I made Beef in Chilli and Ginger (with a few other things thrown in) and Rocky Nests. These are like Rocky Road with less biscuit, and after pouring the first half into the dish to set, Cadbury’s Mini Eggs are placed uniformly onto the mixture before the rest is poured on top. In theory, each piece should have a mini egg inside. I’ll let you know how it turns out later! And whilst on the subject of Cadbury’s Mini Eggs we appear to have a magpie in our house. The eggs, in their original packaging, were stored safely out of the way from prying eyes and prying fingers. Unfortunately, Sally found them and by making a tiny hole in the bottom seam she managed to extract an egg, and then another, and then several more. Of course, the bag now looked and felt considerably lighter than it was before, so I asked the question. Who has been stealing the eggs? It did not take long to figure out that the uncontrollable sniggering and tears running down her cheeks said ‘guilty’. She then had the bare faced cheek to offer to show me how she had perpetrated the crime. Now you see how Zac’s maternal role model has an adverse effect on him.

And now on to my golden plums. I got them from Sainsbury’s. Fresh and juicy and already ripe. Then I noticed that the package said ‘keep in the fridge for extra freshness’. Up until today I had always kept my plums on display, golden or red, so was I doing it wrong? I did what every self respecting person would do, I Googled it. I then discovered that there was a whole science and a plethora of different rules for keeping fruit fresh. Ripen at room temperature seems to be the standard advice, then move to the fridge to enable it to last longer. Berries should be placed in the fridge straight away, but then there is the avocado. To get that to ripen you should place it in a brown paper bag with some bananas. So now you know, and now I know how I can keep my juicy golden plums fresher for longer!

My Blog is certainly getting read. I got a message from California regarding the contract mentioned in the last edition, whilst my daughter said, ‘I read that you had been cycling’. Felt a bit like I was being paparazzied for Hello magazine! I wonder how much further I can reach?!

Its been quiet on the WI Jam & Jerusalem front, but I am sure that the Whaley Bridge chapter of this originally Canadian institution will soon be in full swing. The aims of the WI were originally to revitalise local communities and to encourage women to produce food during the first World War. I expect that the second of these will come to fruition in the form of a Whaley Bridge Bake Off or a Who’s Got The Biggest Marrow? competition, whilst the revitalisation of the community will come about through loose tongued gossip, whispered over cups of Earl Grey and a slice of Lemon Drizzle, I suppose that is just the nature of the beast. No? Well I already know a potted life history of many of the attendees! Seriously though, the WI is a great institution and is to be encouraged. I just think that in this most unique of rural villages their choice of speaker and subject matter must be very carefully considered!

Got a bit of an ear infection or possibly just a blockage this week. Quiet disorientating when one of your ears won’t clear. Solution is simple – just drive to Buxton and hey presto, ‘Pop’ at the top of Long Hill.

Back to cycling this morning, and although the stiffness and a little soreness is still there, I was able to get up out of the saddle for a few yards/ I managed to turn the corner out of Shallcross Mill Road onto Elnor Lane without getting off and walking. A small triumph but another significant step forward.

The US election is all over the tv at the moment, and Zac wanted to understand deficits.

Zac: Why do we want to leave the EU?
Me: Well sometimes we have to pay more money than others.
Zac: More money for what?
Me: Well remember when Greece went bust?
Zac: Yeah.
Me: Well we had to pay a lot of money to bail them out.
Zac: And will they pay us back when they are back on their feet?
Me: Hmm, probably not.
Zac: Are we richer than America?
Me: Well we both owe money, but I suppose as they are bigger than us then they probably owe more.
Zac: Is that why they don’t have proper traffic lights?
Me: Err, what do you mean?
Zac: Ours are proper traffic lights that are fixed in place, but theirs just hang over the road.

So, America, you need to get your house in order on the traffic light front!

Finally, frustration on the football field. Zac’s game got switched last weekend, whilst Ole’s was called off altogether. At this rate the season will extend well beyond April, and Sally is getting a bit fed up about it. Our own pitch certainly takes a big part of the blame, and she questioned the drainage. ‘Why didn’t they spend money on the drainage rather than that fence? Or why did they buy that silly little thing that they sit in (the dugout) rather than sort the pitch out?’ She has a point. With no games the fence and the dugouts become rather glaring white elephants.

N.B. The next edition could well concentrate on the unusual subject of ‘Lady Magnets’. Yes, there is such a thing, and I have commissioned a bit of a survey to verify the benefits of these magical devices.

January 22, 2016 by Michael Madden

I Had To Laugh

Its been a funny old few days, and sometimes I have to laugh otherwise I would have to take some things far too seriously. For instance, I laughed when Sally came back from the shops with three brand new pans. Followers of this blog will know that our kitchen is a veritable graveyard for anything that is likely to be a vessel for Sally’s culinary delights, but in this instance I had to ask, ‘What about the old pans?’ She had to admit that she did not know what I was talking about, so I lifted out the tub that contains rice, quinoa and pasta, and lo and behold, there were three brand new pans. ‘Those are my nice copper pans, they are not for cooking with,’ she replied. ‘So why are they hidden away?’ I asked, at which point I decided that future debate was pointless. I contented myself with an inward smile, knowing that the three newest pans would soon end up in that non-stick graveyard in the sky, whilst the copper ones, that had previously looked on enviously as their distant stainless steel cousins boiled and steamed all manner of comestibles, now realised that they were fortunate to be pretty enough to just sit there on display (albeit at the back of a dark space!) without risking incineration.

I went back to work, getting a lift of Michael Glover, but more of him later. After a few hours in the office I realised the importance of keeping my leg horizontal, and at the end of the day it was sore and stiff as I settled in to an evening at Roomzzz. Of course, a bit of forward planning and a trip to Sainsbury’s meant that I was self sufficient, knocking up a very nice curry and rice on the hob. Yoghurt and blueberries with a dash of honey for dessert, and it was almost as good as being at home. Of course, another good thing about being in a hotel room is that even if you wanted to snack, the effort involved in going out and finding something would be too much to contemplate. After another two days at work I got a lift back home again, thankful that I could then rest for a few days.

In another triumph I started cycling again. I’ve been to Tesco and back several times, and once to Buxworth, but its not really the time of year for this, and I have taken to wearing two pairs of gloves to go with my lycra.

I had to laugh last Friday, when I couldn’t find my phone. I rang it, and although I knew it had full charge the answering service told me that I wasn’t available. Hmmm, that means that it is somewhere that does not get a signal. Buxton perhaps? Now what would my phone be doing in Buxton when I am clearly in Whaley bridge. This mystery was soon resolved when I rang Sally. ‘No, I’ve not got your phone. Only mine. And my work one. Why have I got a missed call from Sarah…oh, this must be your phone.’ She then claimed that I summoned her back from Buxton, but I will let you make your own mind up about that.

It is the cricket club AGM next Tuesday, and that means the Secretary’s Report. Our secretary is notorious for the length of his prose, and recently he has taken to including quotations for effect. Now, I have no problem with this, in fact a flowing narrative can be rewarding to both read and write. Unfortunately, Mr Crowley seems to delight in using words that are not, shall we say, every day ones, and when a reasonably intelligent person has to look up the meaning of some of these words, then the average Whaley Bridge Cricket Club Cricketer will either dismiss it along with the rest of the report, or worse misunderstand it, thereby diluting the efficacy of the message (sorry!).

The effectiveness of a man of letters is constrained by his ability to use the correct spelling and grammar, and when using quotations it is simply unforgivable to mix up the surname of the author of the quotation with that of both the second team player of the year and the chairman of the club, which obviously renders that quotation useless, whilst at the same time casting doubt on the credulity of the remainder of the document.

Zac’s butterfly knife arrived, and although it is perfectly safe it looks and feels impressive. He was at a sleepover on Friday, and he was desperate to take it with him, and of course it is perfectly safe so we agreed. He came home from school with his mate Alex, and then they they had to head off to the shops for supplies for the party. They returned, and got ready to party, at which point we noticed that Zac’s rucksack looked rather heavy. Ignoring this I dropped him off, pointing out to Helen, the hostess of the sleepover, that the knife that Zac had with him looked lethal, but it was perfectly safe. The following morning all was well, but Helen had a couple of things to hand over. Firstly, the knife. Although it was perfectly safe Helen thought it best that it didn’t fall into the wrong hands so she confiscated it. She confiscated several other things, including two full cans of Monster Energy drink, which explains why the bag was so heavy. ‘We only had a sip at a time,’ Zac claimed. More detailed searches will be carried out in the future.

I made chicken fried steak last week – very tasty it is too! I even used my meat tenderiser which makes a huge difference, turning ‘casserole steak’ into tender strips. The process is fairly simple. Dredge the meat in spiced flour (I added 12 different herbs and spices – more than KFC), dredge it in egg wash, then dredge it in the flour again. Shallow fry for about 3-4 minutes on each side then drain on absorbent kitchen paper. Definitely one for MMM…No2…Cookbook. Heading off to Nottingham I also made chicken and vegetable soup that passed Sally’s taste test (it was better than cabbage water), pork in ginger, and meatballs in bolognese. Not much left when I got back last night!

Of course, not everyone is a fan of this preparation, in fact Sally frequently complains that there is too much food in the house, and if it wasn’t there she wouldn’t eat it. Then she bought me a new baking tray. ‘You can make biscuits on it,’ she explained. I had to laugh.

Last week I had to remind Zac that you are what you eat. If you eat rubbish it will turn you into a couch potato. In a related matter, every morning is an adventure when it comes to Zac’s bag. I take out the previous day’s lunch box and replace it with today’s fresh offering. On Tuesday, just before I set off for Nottingham, I found that Monday’s apple was untouched, but a Galaxy bar wrapper was there. I left him a note reiterating that he needed to eat healthily and he would have to forfeit his X-Box for leaving the apple. I spoke to him later that night, at which point he tried to complain. ‘You are what you eat you said. If I eat carrots I’ll end up like a carrot.’ Not quite sure he understood what I meant. The phrase ‘couch potato’ was also thrown into the conversation, so I just asked him why he didn’t eat his apple. ‘Did you put apple in there?’ he asked. ‘I wasn’t very hungry at school.’ Hardly surprising given the empty Galaxy wrapper!

Going to see The Stranglers in Nottingham in March. Can’t remember the last time I saw them, but the first time was almost 40 years ago! I wonder if they will remember the words? Michael Glover is very excited about the prospect. I wonder if Annie’s Burger Shack is also on the cards.

Spam seems to have taken an odd direction since Christmas. As well as the Nigerian Generals and well meaning American benefactors, I’ve now been offered an online degree, miracle slimming pills, and perhaps most bizarrely a field light that is bright enough to blind a bear. I kid you not. Bright enough to blind a bear. What a selling point! Perhaps I will dedicate one of these blog entries entirely to Spam. I certainly get enough of it.

Finally, I had to laugh. You may recall that I had to have stomach injections post op, and now we have a container full of discarded needles. These specially made containers, ‘Sharpsafe’ or something like that, hold the needles until they can be properly disposed of. ‘You can drop them off at the doctor’s in Whaley when you go,’ Sally said. A couple of hours later the needles were back in their original place, on the side in the kitchen. ‘You didn’t take the needles,’ she complained, but I pointed out that I did indeed take the needles. Unfortunately, the doctor’s do not take needles, and if they did it would have to be at Chapel, and even then they would only take needles that they had actually given out. I would have to take them to a hospital, and preferably the one that originally handed them out. ‘That’s ridiculous,’ said the ex nurse. ‘I’d have thought that someone who works in a hospital would know the procedure for disposing of needles,’ I said, which it could be argued was somewhat inflammatory. ‘So, do you know anyone who is heading off to a hospital any time soon?’ She ignored me as she put on her coat and went off to work at Wythenshawe Hospital. I had to laugh.

December 30, 2015 by Michael Madden

Another Year (Almost) Over…

Well its almost New Year, and the chocolate fest will soon be over. Even at Easter its not really acceptable to tuck in to half a box of Ferrero Rocher at 10 am, have brownies with cream for lunch, and eat stuff thats in the fridge just because its there. Someone needs to tell Sally that, even at this time of year, shopping is optional! The Bags For Life have been discarded in favour of huge boxes. Today was a horse riding expedition, followed by a trip to the shops in Macclesfield. That probably won’t last long as she has taken Zac with her, never the most patient of shoppers.

Roll on Saturday, and not just because we will be well in to 2016, it is also the day I can officially put full weight through my leg. I must admit, I have been tempted a couple of times, and it doesn’t quite feel right, with some interesting swellings in places that I didn’t think could swell.

Its been a busy week in the kitchen, and not always a successful one. I made a cranberry, almond and orange sponge. One of Nigella’s. It looked very easy on the telly, but when I found it on the net the quantities seemed a bit off. I checked the video on Youtube and after getting distracted several times, sure enough the quantities are significantly different. For one, the eRecipe uses a mixture of ounces and cups. Never did quite get the American use of the ‘cup’ as a measurement. Anyway, it came out very sticky, gooey and crunchy, all at the same time, more like a crumble than a sponge, but Sally loved it, and it didn’t last long. When I get the quantities right she may well be disappointed.

I’ve not been to the pub for ages, maybe manage a cheeky couple on New Year’s Eve, but if not then I will definitely be heading out on Saturday!

There always seem to be tragedies around this time of year, and I guess the flooding is what has made headline news this week. There has also been an earthquake, a shark attack in Gran Canaria, and a terrorist bomb plot foiled. There have been some very sad deaths, too. Lemmy was arguably the biggest name, but he had a great life in rock and roll before succumbing to the big C at the age of 70. Specials drummer John Bradbury also passed away at the alarmingly young age of 62, but the most tragic was surely Pavel Srnicek who suffered a cardiac arrest aged just 47. Frank Sinatra has been on the tv, but he died years ago, whilst Elvis died almost 40 years ago, but that certainly hasn’t stopped him from releasing a new record.

Of course, there are also good news stories. A German man died when he tried to blow up a condom machine, and there are reports that during the recent security lockdown in Belgium police and soldiers engaged in an orgy!

One of my favourite Christmas presents, for various reasons, is my Muddy Fox cycling shades, with 4 different coloured lenses. I look forward to getting out in the very near future, though shades may be pushing it a bit, except perhaps to stave off the glare from another present, a fluorescent lime cycling top. You will definitely see me coming.

A gift that I gave to the family was tickets to see the stage version of Goodnight Mister Tom, its about the only chance I have to get the kids to do something educational! Yesterday they took to the garden in new Real Madrid and Barcelona kits. El Classico lasted all of about 10 minutes, followed by a debate about whose football team was better at whatever ages. and that is about the only exercise that they have had since the Christmas holidays began. To be fair, Ole has walked from his bedroom to the fridge many times, whilst Zac has carried lots of heavy weights in the form of disguised chocolate from the kitchen to wherever he thinks he can eat it undetected.

Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, and I have a beef chilli partially made in the fridge. I like chilli to be hot, I hope our guests are similar! There are always a few odd people around, and so I will be making a vegetarian sweet potato chilli too. Probably not as hot. I think festive apple puffs will come in handy, so I had better make some almond paste today. So much for the term ‘holidays’. Speaking of which, Sally is hoping to head off stateside in February to ride a horse along a trail. Not sure if she thinks she is Ruben Carter (you have to know the song) or Annie Oakley. She then hopes to take in a rodeo. Its a bit ambitious, particularly as she is going with my sister Fiona. Sally rides quite frequently, and although my sister is probably used to sitting on her arse for long periods of time, I am not sure her business class airline seats ever quite mimic five hours in the saddle of a potentially bucking bronco!

I think a week in the more sedate surroundings of a Cuban beach seems a better option to me.

Today Storm Frank is battering the UK, and Whaley Bridge is getting the tail end of it. Nothing too drastic, but I guess the X-Boxes will be getting some more hammer, whilst next week the first real snows of winter are forecast. That’s great with the prospect of returning to work. Now where’s that box of Famous Names Liqueurs I was looking forward to?

December 19, 2015 by Michael Madden

Back To The Kitchen…Mmm…

Monday saw a trip to see my consultant, ten days after the operation. He removed the dressing and showed me what a splendid job he had done with the stitches. He sent me upstairs for an x-ray (don’t worry, there’s a lift), and when I came back down he showed me the results of his handiwork from inside. It made me feel quite sick as I saw how much he had sawed into the bone and the size of the bracket and pins. There was another chap in the waiting room with a very similar scar (we HTO patients like to wear shorts to show our wounds as badges of honour). Anyway, it was six weeks since his operation and he was almost walking ok, though still with the occasional use of crutches. Unfortunately he had not yet been passed fit to drive. It was an uncomfortable journey home as the full extent of the ‘injury’ began to sink in.

It didn’t get any better on Tuesday, with Zac faffing about in the morning and missing his bus. Despite her assertions to the contrary, Sally ended up giving him a lift, for which he paid with two days without his X-Box. That can be a double edged sword, and later that night, whilst Sally was giving me yet another injection into my stomach (only three more to go) Zac was allegedly doing some homework that involved a cake, grapes, and a glue gun! The kitchen was a right mess – we would have all been better off if he’d have been on his X-Box.

Tuesday was actually a busy day, as my own activity started with a visit to the physio. Alarmingly steep stairs up to her treatment room, but thanks to a lift from Clayton and some skillful crutch work I made it in one piece. She was very impressed with my progress, a good range of movement and inflexion of over 100 degrees, but she gave me some leg raises and leg straightening exercises that were excruciating. At one point she asked me if I was going to be sick.

I have to say that incapacitation is not a situation that I enjoy, but it is equally bad for Sally and the kids. So after returning from the physio I had a couple of hours before I needed to bed down into my office to do some work, and I headed for the kitchen. I laid out all of the ingredients so that I wouldn’t have to move too much, and I made chilli chicken and syrup sponge pudding. Ole would be mightily relieved that he could get something good to eat (not that Sally wasn’t trying her best, of course), and Zac and sponge are a match made in heaven, though he did scrape off the syruppy bits!

 

That is a recipe from Mmm…No1…Cookbook, and one advantage of lying horizontal day and night is it gives me a chance to spend the evenings filling in Mmm…No2…Cookbook, as well as adding to my ‘The History Of Zombies’ project. This is to try to get Zac off his X-Box and into books, and this week we received a reading list from Chapel School. I must admit that I wouldn’t like to read many of the titles on there, and Zac was adamant that he doesn’t like reading stories as they are too long and boring and don’t have any pictures in. Note to self – illustrate ‘The History Of Zombies’. So now, Zac is reading Harry Potter and the something or other. He got it from Ole, and when I asked how he was getting on he couldn’t even remember the title. Ole, surprisingly, is showing an interest in the stock market, and he is reading ‘Financial Reckoning Day’ by Bill Bonner and Addison Wiggins. If you are vaguely interested  in money, stocks, shares and commodities I thoroughly recommend it. Entertaining and informative. However, its not all fun and games, and there are times when I feel quite sorry for myself. The melancholy usually hits when I look in the fridge!

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, my Sky Box went on the blink. Not catastrophically, it was just that the Programme Synopsis didn’t show up. Never really realised how useful that is until it wasn’t there. Over the last few weeks there have also been a few other quirks, such as failing to record, taking ages to boot up, etc. The box is over five years old and therefore way beyond warranty, so when I called Sky I wasn’t surprised to hear that it would cost me over £200 to replace plus £65 call out. However, they gave me the option of taking a six month warranty out on the existing box which would cost £10 per month. That would cover my current issue. Ok then, sounds like a bargain. The engineer was booked to come out on Friday.

More problems for Zac, he has been told by his tutor at school that his bag smells. I’m not really surprised, and after removing more rotting fruit and underwear it was once again consigned to the wash. Any ideas?

Better news on Wednesday, I have won 200,000,000 something from some kind of Nigerian lottery. An American lady managed to sneak it out of the country before fraudsters got their hands on it, for which I am, of course, eternally grateful. My favourite bit of the email was the last line – ‘If found in spam move to inbox’.

Today was a busy day with the Sky engineer arriving right in the middle of it. Within little more than ten minutes he had diagnosed the fault and quickly replaced not only the box but also the Sky dish with brand new equipment. No real down side, as he also told us that our previous recordings will all have gone, so I no longer have to worry about the series link of ‘Come Dine With Me!

I have been on calls for most of the day, all work related, and when they finally died down Sally moved in to place. Her last chance to show that she hasn’t lost her nursing skills as she prepared to remove the 20 clips holding my wound together.

She was very good at it – with only one or two actually hurting. Tomorrow sees the start of partial weight bearing. 25% to begin with, though I’ve no idea how I am going to measure that. If you see me hobbling towards the centre of Whaley Bridge, I’ve probably gone too far!

Well, Saturday morning and a quiet start to the day with Sally catching up with the entire world on Facebook. My main aim today is to start putting weight through my left leg. Its not easy, with tightness in the calf, tightness in the hamstring, and a reluctance to let go. The clip free wound is holding up well, and with some self massaging (in my calf you naughty people) its getting a bit easier.

 

August 31, 2015 by Michael Madden

Rage Against The Machine (And Against The Son)

Before I start – does this happen in everyone’s house? We had just finished tea and I was outside when Ole came running out. ‘Look what she’s done!’ he shrieked. Meanwhile, from inside, ‘she’, better known as ‘Lady M’ was laughing at having taught her first born a valuable life lesson. Number one, do not put ice down the back of mum’s top. Number two, especially don’t put ice down the back of mum’s top when she has a ketchup bottle to hand. As Ole was busy removing his ketchup soaked top, the triumphant Lady M urged me to give him both barrels of the mayo and barbeque sauce.

Anyway, that brings me on to the subject of washing. As a result of Sally completely giving up the ghost in terms of who wears which underwear, Zac can now be seen in mine, Ole’s and occasionally his own. He has so far steered clear of Lady M’s, but it can only be a matter of time.

There have been a few questions about my most popular post regarding the Prom Bitch. In answer to your question, no I have not had an apology, and nor do I expect one. Let’s just say that there are certain things that appear to run in the family!

It’s been argumentative recently, mainly between Zac and Sally. She tries in vain to tidy his room, he does not really understand the fuss. “I’ve had enough!” she exclaimed after one particularly frustrating episode, to which Zac replied, “No – I’ve had enough”. Today he appeared to get the upper hand again. The conversation went something like this…

Zac, “Where’s the hot glue gun?”
Sally, “Probably where you left it”
Zac, “No, I left it on the side. Did you move it from the side?”
Sally, “Yes – I will have put it away”
Zac, “Where?”
Sally, “Probably in the garage. You’ll find it there”
Zac, “No – you go and find it – you moved it”
Sally, “I’ll do it later. I’m watching tv”
At this point Zac pressed the Live Pause button
Zac, “You’ll get it now”

Sally eventually got up and after searching a number of places she finally found the hot glue gun, at which point Zac looked rather smug.

The Raven finished over a month ago, but I got a nice email from Underground Venues this week informing me that payment of £451 will be coming my way! That’s not bad considering they take 40% of the box office. For those that missed it there’s a rather shaky video courtesy of Lady M of the final show that was more ‘relaxed’ than the other three!

The last Whaley Warriors home game produced a fine pan of chicken & potato balti. Unfortunately that is the last of my home made balti sauce. That means the house is gonna stink of curry whilst I make some more. Want the recipe?

Mmm No1 Cookbook

Sometimes, the myth can be so strong that it propagates itself. Sally sent an enquiry regarding the hire of a holiday cottage. She did not leave her name, just her email address, ladymadden1@gmail.com. So it came as no surprise when the reply came, and it began…

Dear Lady Madden.

Of course, Lady M did nothing to dissuade the sender!

We had an interesting few days away last weekend, and for a variety of strange reasons. Firstly we headed for London, and our hotel was at the south end of Westminster Bridge. I have never driven through the centre of London before, but Zac was fascinated by the Lamborghinis and Bugattis that seemed to rival the taxis in terms of numbers.

He quite fancied this one that came to a stop at the traffic lights outside the hotel, and one day I think he might just get one!