April 3, 2025 by Mike Madden

When Is An Americano Not An Americano?

Coffee Roast

Those of you who know her will understand that Sally is formidable in most situations, and particularly when it comes to retail. Well, earlier this week she had an experience that left her completely gobsmacked. She accompanied my sister to the vet near Chester so that Fiona’s horse could have yet another assessment for her poorly tendon. They set off early, with travel mugs full of hot coffee for the journey. When they arrived their mugs were empty, but they were in luck. Outside the equine vet there was a coffee truck advertising coffee, doughnuts and other refreshments. Sally marched across with mugs in hand, and she was greeted by two ladies eager to please. “Two Americanos please,” she announced, “and you might as well put them in these,” as she handed over the travel mugs.

The lady duly poured them and placed them on the counter, at which point Sally put a splash of cold milk in each and replaced the lids. The first lady then pointed her in the direction of the second lady, and said, “She will take payment.”

The second lady asked, “What did you have,” and the ever so helpful first lady immediately jumped in. “Two lattes,” she said, and Sally was taken aback. “No, I ordered two Americanos,” she interjected. The first lady, like a scammer about to seal the deal on a multi-million dollar fraud against an unsuspecting old lady, added, “Ah, but you had the additional milk, so that makes it a latte.” The difference? 45p. Per cup. So, Sally had no option but to fork out an extra 90p, and spend the rest of the day telling anyone who cared to listen, and many who didn’t, all about it.

Mind Over Matter

More mayhem from the mind of Sally. I decided to go to the yard to see Star Of Lady M the following Monday. After various discussions with our trainer we decided that Friday would be a better option, and so it was agreed. I mentioned it to Sally, and she said, “I can’t go on Friday.” I was a little surprised and replied, “You weren’t going on Monday either.” Undeterred, she said, “I might have been persuaded to go on Monday, but I have something to do on Friday.” Does anyone know where I can get some mindreading lessons?

Springtime In Venice

I like to spring surprises, and Sally likes to receive surprises, so I planned the ideal trip for her recent “big” birthday. Unfortunately It could not be a full surprise, as I will explain.

She has hinted many times that she would like to go to a masked ball in Venice, and as neither of us had ever been to Europe’s most beautiful city, I made that the focus of her celebration.

Flights and accommodation would be easy, but which ball to go to? And which costume to hire? And how do we get to and from the airport? Throw in a gondola ride and there was a lot to think about. So, I contacted “Venice Events”, and they put the package together for me. Then came a problem. They wanted to know our measurements so that the atelier could prepare our costumes. So, I had to reveal at least a part of the surprise. We measured ourselves, chose costumes from a catalogue, and sent it all off. The response that came back was a little unexpected, and perhaps a little insulting. The costumes that we had chosen could not be adapted to our measurements! So, we chose again, and this time all was fine.

Water, Water, Everywhere

We set off one Thursday morning from Manchester airport, and landed less than two and a half hours later at Marco Polo airport. We were met by Clemy, a local guide who escorted us to our private transfer. There seemed to be no other way to leave the airport than by water, and as we waited for our pick up we sat and drank espresso lungo by the waterside. Clemy explained some of the history of Venice, and gave us tips on where to go.

Our water taxi arrived, and we threw our bags on board and then got ourselves on with the aid of a strong arm from the driver. It seemed a little “loose”, as the boat bobbed up and down in the choppy water, and there was never a hint of a solid connection between boat and shore. This was the approach with every boat we got in to, and I was surprised that we did not see anyone actually fall in, particularly ourselves. Anyway, we made it onboard safely, and we set off at a rate of knots towards the city. We slowed as we approached the labyrinth of canals, and after about twenty minutes we pulled up at a small jetty outside the Hotel Orologio. Orologio apparently means “clock”, and the place was full of them. Ironically, none of them seemed to work.

Venice did not disappoint

Clemy joined us in the reception, and wrote suggestions for various restaurants on a map. She pointed out the tourist areas, and the squares and streets that should be less busy. She bade us farewell, and after dropping our bags off we headed out.

Bridges Over Untroubled Water

I am not sure what I expected of Venice, but the first thing to notice is that there are absolutely no cars. The air is clean and there are hundreds of bridges across canals both large and small. Crucially, there are only 3 bridges across the grand canal, the huge waterway that runs throughout the city.

We found our way to the famous Rialto Bridge, and although it was busy we managed to grab a table at the edge of the canal. The streets were filled with tourists and locals, some in elaborate costumes and some not. We enjoyed a charcuterie board and drinks in the early spring sunshine, then headed back through the maze of streets.

Eventually we came to a covered restaurant where we sat down for more drinks. Our waiter, Sergio, was happy to serve Gin and Birra, as well as bruschetta when we needed to soak up some more alcohol. He spoke five languages, and was originally Romanian. Sally tried to converse with him in Italian, but he gave up on that so she switched to French. She then tried Spanish with slightly more success, but eventually he admitted, “Your Spanish is ok, but mine is better,” echoes of a German in Lisbon a few years ago.

Your guess is as good as mine

When In Rome…

We took to the streets again, and they were noticeably busier. The shops were either food outlets or mask sellers, and we decided to stop for a quick takeaway pizza. It looked and smelled delicious, but when we got it outside it was missing one key thing, flavour! It was the first realisation that Venice is known for many things, but food is not really one of them.

Back at the hotel the world was in turmoil as Trump and Vance and Zelensky had a tiff in the Oval Office. We did not have much choice other than to watch it, as BBC World News was the only English channel available.

Breakfast was good, though on different days the hot buffet included peas, carrots and spinach. Saturday would be busy, as we had to get our costumes as well as attend the masked ball, so we decided to find Tragicomica which was our atelier, and the venue for the ball in advance. This took us on a completely different path through the city, taking in many different canals, and many different bridges. We found what we thought was the atelier, but it was not. It was the atelier’s mask shop. The atelier was a further two or three streets away. So, we found that and were confident that we could find it again the following day.

Avenues And Alleyways

We then set off through what looked like the university district. More tiny streets, surprising squares, and of course, bridges and canals. We came to another of the bridges that crossed the grand canal, and a few minutes later we were at the back of the Casino Of Venice, the location for our ball. We could not get to the front, and it seemed that the only way to approach it was from the water. That was fine as we had a water taxi booked on Saturday evening.

So, we set off again, this time heading for the Rialto Bridge, a route that would eventually take us back to our hotel. It was only about 150 yards away, but crucially there was a the wide expanse of the Grand Canal in the way. We also took the opportunity to seek out a couple of the recommendations from Clemy. First up was Il Diavolo Aquasanta, a tiny restaurant in a backstreet. There were people standing at the counter inside the restaurant, and tables were full. It was obviously popular, and when the owner approached us I assumed he would tell us that we would have to wait.

Not a bit of it! He somehow managed to squeeze two chairs around a table, and we ordered drinks and Venetian tapas. Some of it was delicious, some of it was ok, and some of it was decidedly odd. However, the good thing is that there was plenty of it, accompanied by the obligatory bread, olive oil and balsamic vinegar. On our way back to the hotel we passed another recommendation, Cantina Di Moro, and this was also busy. This was more like a pub, with very little seating and everyone stood, drinking and eating on the go.

Carnival!

I took the opportunity to try Frittelle, a local pastry that is only made during the carnival. Its a cross between a doughnut and a profiterole, and the ones with cream in are delicious. There are some with custard which are also nice, but sometimes the custard has a hint of sherry in it which tastes a bit strange.

In the evening we took a different route from the hotel, and came across a family restaurant close to the fish market. Outside, a man was doing his best to entice diners inside, speaking several languages until he found the right one. In perfect English he showed us to a table in the window, instantly making the restaurant appear full. Grilled chicken breast and lasagne were well cooked, and a bottle of local wine was inexpensive. Unfortunately the place lost marks as we actually had to ask for olives!

We meandered through many more streets, over bridges and through squares. The local population were out and about on a busy Friday night, and it added to the atmosphere. At around 10pm we found a bar close to our hotel, and I ordered a beer. Sally wanted an espresso lungo, which surprised the barman. “Now?” he asked, implying that no one would drink coffee at that time. “Yes,” I replied. “Are you sure?” he confirmed, and it was clear that Sally’s choice of late night drink was not the norm.

Your Costume Awaits

Saturday was our big day. After breakfast we set off for the atelier, and although we were early they still managed to see to us straight away. Sally was taken behind a curtain as several layers of her costume were brought out. After a few minutes I was led to a booth where my costume was explained. I had to put the satin tights on first, then the voluminous shirt. Then the pantaloons which the shirt tucked in to. Next was the waistcoat, followed by the jacket, and finally the gloves. Buckles would be provided for my shoes, and I would have to buy a mask.

I emerged fully kitted out, whilst Sally had her costume packed away in a bag. Both were black, mine with gold highlights, and Sally’s with silver. The dressing up certainly took me back to the days of Tumbattle and the pirate costumes! Masks were chosen and we were on our way.

The fitting

Dressed To Kill

The ball did not actually start until 9pm, so with a long night ahead we decided on a nap. This was not very successful, which is probably just as well, as we started getting dressed just after 6pm. My costume was relatively straightforward. The only decision was whether or not to wear socks beneath the tights. Sally’s was a different matter. She had most of it on, but I had to fasten it up. It was a dimly lit hotel room, with a frayed thread, and not all of the eye-holes still had their metal surrounding in place. It was a challenge, but I finally managed it, pulled the thread tight, and it snapped. After a few FFSs I rewired it and we were ready to go. It had taken the best part of a couple of hours, so we went downstairs to the bar for a well-deserved drink.

   

Masks were essential

Lady M looking mysterious

Madame, You Shall Go To The Ball

In this city of costumes ours must have looked good as we were asked for several photos. The masks were slightly uncomfortable, and my coat and waistcoat weighed a ton, but it would be fine until midnight when we expected to be on our way back. We snacked on olives and hazelnuts until our water taxi arrived, and we were driven the 150 yards or so to the Vendramin Calergi Palace, otherwise known as the Casino Of Venice.

Ready for the ball

We checked in and were allocated a table, but as it was still early the ball had not officially started and we had to wait in a reception area. There were about 50 people also waiting, and every one of them was dressed in magnificent period costumes. More arrived, and finally the red carpet was opened up and we could make our way up the stairs.

The way was led by an old man with a stick accompanied by several girls in white costumes. He shouted at everyone to follow, and we emerged into a long bar with a stage at the far end. We were offered Aperol Spritz and Prosecco, along with some trays of nibbles. At our end of the bar there were several girls that sat like statues beneath a flimsy lace covering. Occasionally they moved, and guests would look around surprised. A man on stilts rushed past us, and various other characters interacted with the crowd.

The fairytale ball

Ballroom Blitz

We moved through into the dining room which was split into three. The setting was magnificent. Portraits stared down from the walls, and the tables were decorated in the style of a royal wedding. Even the menus were ornate, and we took our seats ready for the evening. Wine was served in abundance, and we were joined at our table by some British people who now lived in Texas, and a couple from Luxembourg. Everyone spoke English, so we could communicate easily. As the first course of lobster arrived the entertainment started. Throughout the evening there were magicians, jugglers, a play, an almost naked dancer, and a running theme of Giacomo Casanova, the hero of Venice. Prawns, risotto, tuna, orange cake and several other dishes arrived, and the wine continued to flow.

Lady M becoming a part of the entertainment

When the dinner had finished we moved to the bar where Lady M decided to get involved. As some fairytale music played she stood on a small podium and moved in clockwork fashion, pretending to be the girl from a musical box. As she slowly turned around several guests took photos and videos, assuming that she was part of the show. The only disappointment came when I went to the bar, and they had no lager. Lady M carried on dancing, and around 1am we headed for the exit.

Your Pumpkin Awaits

The water taxi that took us the 150 yards back to our hotel was 50 Euros, which we thought was quite steep, but that was the going rate as we found out later.

Lady M emerging from a musical box – like an elaborate Camberwick Green

The Morning After

I packed most of my costume away ready to be returned the following day, but Sally discarded hers on every surface. In the morning we searched the room to put it all back together, and after finding her choker disappearing under the bed we eventually managed to head off back to the atelier.

The return was quick, and our next stop was a gondola ride that was pre-booked. As it turned out this was not necessary, as there were gondola stations at almost every bridge, but this gave us the opportunity to walk all the way around the city, towards the Hotel Gritti close to St Mark’s Square. We crossed the third of the three bridges that cross the Grand Canal, and although we were several hours early the gondolier was happy to take us out. After some dubious navigation we left the Grand Canal and floated down some of the narrower waterways. It was extremely peaceful, and we could almost touch the walls of some of the ancient buildings. After half an hour or so we returned to dry land, and headed back towards the Rialto Bridge.

St Mark’s Square before the crowds

The Square Dance

It was early Sunday afternoon, and between us and the bridge was Harry’s Bar and St Mark’s Square. The crowds were everywhere. Getting across the square was a challenge, but we eventually made it, and got stuck in the streets back to the bridge. It was a relief when we found our way back to the fish market, and we sat down for a drink. I asked for a beer, and when I opted for “large”, it was a bit bigger than I expected. I fought my way through it, then we decided to cross to the quieter side of the city for lunch. Pizza and scallops were the order of the day, and I was relieved that the pizza had a lot more flavour than the stuff we bought on our first night. We headed back to our hotel and prepared for our final night.

Just another day in Venice

We’re just off the to the shops

This proved to be reasonably quiet. Carnival had ended, the cruise ships had left, and I guess many of the tourists had gone too. We found a backstreet restaurant, where we dined on ravioli and spaghetti, and of course bread and olive oil. We had four fantastic days, which is just about enough. Venice certainly surprised me, and I would recommend that everyone heads to this unique city at least once.

Farewell to Venice

Cookies And Guinness

As ever the kitchen has been busy, and I decided to make old-fashioned brownies for the first time in ages. I’d forgotten just how rich they are, but I suppose putting six eggs into a relatively small cake mixture is going to do that.

I also wanted to try something new, and I have never made chocolate chip cookies before. So, I gave it a go, and they turned out quite well. I think I might make them a little smaller next time.

Nixie came over for a couple of days, so we managed to conjure up banana and walnut loaf and lemon drizzle cake which she prefers, even when the alternatives include molten chocolate lava cakes.

I tried salt and pepper chicken drumsticks with mini potato farls and pineapple hot sauce. The drumsticks were easy enough to make, and the hot sauce went well with them. The surprising thing was that it contained no sugar, gaining its sweetness from fresh pineapple.

            

Salt & Pepper Drumsticks          Mini potato farls                       Pineapple hot sauce

St Patrick’s Day is always a busy time for Guinness and cooking. I started with a full Irish breakfast, although I could not source any white pudding. Later in the day I made beef in Guinness, with traditional Irish soda bread, followed by St Patrick’s Day cake including Guinness, Irish cream, and Irish whiskey. The day was rounded off with a visit to the Drum for a couple of pints of the black stuff!

Full Irish Breakfast

Tradition!

Finally, Sally does not appear to have improved in the kitchen. A couple of days ago, she proudly announced that during her latest culinary experiment she had managed to set fire to a tea towel!

Warning!

I think that the Met office have been given far too much leeway with their weather warnings. Every time there’s something on the horizon, up pops a weather warning. We never used to get these, and the weather has not really got worse. Its just a bit of wind and rain. We live in northern England. We are used to it.

Cat Matters

Thomas and Bo have developed an interesting dynamic. There is certainly still a cold war going on, but just occasionally we find them in close proximity. Meanwhile, Bo has started complaining when I want to go out, and Thomas had a lot of trouble with a balloon.

Best of enemies

Where do you think you’re going?

Things That Go Bang

We had to travel to Amsterdam on business recently, and it was certainly eventful. On the way out we had just taken off when there was a bright flash and a loud bang. Passengers looked at each other for inspiration, but none was forthcoming. I thought that we might have just lost our landing gear, or some other catastrophe, but the airline staff continued to go about their business. After about five minutes, that seemed a lot longer, the pilot came over the intercom and calmly announced that we had been struck by lightning. It was nothing to worry about, and happened all the time. It was a welcome relief, but it would have been better if he had announced it five minutes earlier.

On the return journey, as we landed and began to taxi to the arrival gate, the pilot announced we had to stay put whilst the police came on board. No reason was given, so again speculation was rife amongst the passengers. After a few minutes a sheepish looking woman was led off the plane, announcing to everyone that she was not in fact a criminal. I’m not sure that her fellow passengers believed her.

Do It Yourself

Spring is always a busy time in the garden, and this year there seems to be more jobs than usual. I began by painting a fence, then a table and a bench. We have a cherry tree in the garden, with a small area of decking surrounding it. The decking had started to rot, so I had to replace substantial parts of the decking, as well as the struts underneath. Then I had to treat it with preservative. Whilst I had brush in hand I also applied it to another bench.

I made cold frames a few years ago, and they were in need of repair, so I stripped out the polythene, washed them, painted them, and I should be able to replace the polythene later this week. However, my biggest job was Sally’s summer house. The fascia boards were rotten, the doors had dropped, the decking in front was falling apart, the door hinges were knackered, and it needed a lick of paint. The boards were fairly easy to prepare, but a nightmare to attach. The paint was fiddly around the windows, but the doors and hinges proved to be straightforward. The summer house is 13 years old, and hopefully I have given it another five years of life.

   

Before…

…After

An Identity Thief

I was the victim of identity theft last month, which materialised in me getting an email recommending I go for a prostate cancer test. I quickly discovered that the person who stole my identity was Sally, and she had filled in all of my details to get me to take the test. Apparently its a killer, and often with no symptoms. I called in at the doctor’s to make an appointment, and they don’t do tests without symptoms!

One Step Ahead

Zac had to hatch his cunning plan for the second time recently. Once again he was in breach of his black box car insurance policy, and his insurer said that they were cancelling his policy. Their mistake was giving him a few days’ notice. Before they were able to cancel it Zac beat them to it, so not only was he able to answer “No” to the question “Have you ever had insurance cancelled?”, he also got a decent rebate! He did not have time to celebrate as he was late for work, and as he wheel-spun out of the drive it was clear that his latest black box policy was already in jeopardy.

A Big Birthday

We tried a new venue for lunch to celebrate Sally’s big birthday, the hidden away Sutton Hall near Macclesfield. Its a nice setting, and Sally’s lamb shank was excellent. The black pudding starter was ok, but the burger that I ordered was decidedly average. We would probably return to try their Sunday lunch.

Sally’s birthday cake – note the ambulance (just in case!)

           

The scores are in from Sutton Hall…Burger 6/10, Lamb Shank 10/10, Black Pudding 8/10

Walking Woes

I took one of my many walks over to Buxworth, passing close to Eccles Pike, then turning right to head towards Whitehough. My plan was to walk back along the tramway to the Navigation, but I came across a footpath closed sign. The whole area was being dug up for gas pipe replacement, so I had to double back, head towards Chinley, and walk along the road back to Buxworth. My route that was meant to be a mile further than normal, suddenly took in a four mile detour!

On another walk, I saw this exotic Mandarin duck at the canal basin.

Hopes And Horses

We got a nice video update from David O’Meara ahead of our planned visit in February. Star Of Lady M was strong and had wintered well. She was full of herself, which they had come to expect. Percy’s Daydream had become a bit feisty, but she too was looking good and David was quite looking forward to seeing her on the track in the spring.

There were 28 of us that visited Willow Farm in February, and they had conveniently arranged for Star Of Lady M and Percy’s Daydream to be out in the same group. They looked very well, but had not started any speed work as yet. The season was still five weeks away, and it would be another five weeks before we could expect our pair to race.

Targets

A couple of weeks later I had a call with David to discuss options for Star Of Lady M. The Palace House at Newmarket was still high on the agenda for her seasonal debut, followed by the Temple at Haydock or the Prix Du Gros-Chene at Chantilly. We both agreed that The King Charles at Royal Ascot would not be suitable for her, particularly as the first entry stage would be before she had even started racing again. I arranged to visit the following week to map out what might be the rest of her season.

So, a few days later I sat down with David and we started with Percy’s Daydream. She looked like being ready a little earlier, so we looked at options at Catterick, Beverley, Ripon and Wetherby towards the end of April. A win was more important than maximising her bonus, and we would probably avoid returning to Wolverhampton as the turns were just a bit too tight for her.

Aiming High

Star Of Lady M had fewer options, but they were considerably more exotic. Although the Palace House was still her preferred starting point, there was also the Group 3 Prix De Saint-Georges at Longchamp eight days later. She would not run in both, and the French race was obviously closer to her potential second targets.

We looked at the Summer Stakes at York, and the Sapphire at the Curragh. The King George at Glorious Goodwood was an obvious choice, with our ultimate target being the Nunthorpe at York. If we somehow got there we would then consider the Flying Five at the Curragh and the Prix De L’Abbaye at Longchamp. There was also the Petit-Couvert at Longchamp as another Group 3 option in September.

Outside, Star Of Lady M was stepping up her fast work on the round gallop, and Percy’s Daydream led a group up the hill. She retained the pacifiers even though the bump to her eye had cleared up. This seemed to calm her down, but they were not in the plan for when she actually raced. Afterwards, Star Of Lady M enjoyed a pick of grass, but Percy’s Daydream definitely did not want to pose for photos. Her feisty side was definitely apparent.

Star Of Lady M happy to pose

Percy’s Daydream has become a bit of a diva

 

You can read the previous edition here…

I Don’t Like Mondays

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