June 3, 2016 by Michael Madden
Brexit And Ball Pools
Its been a busy few weeks – not even had any time to update this blog. And in the near future it looks like its going to get even busier! Could be off to Washington DC again, including a day trip to Toronto. Hopefully it will be all worth it in the end.
Of course, when you are busy your health can suffer, and when I saw my physio today she advised me that the swelling in my knee was a flare up through doing too much. Particularly cricket, and particularly batting. Well what can I say? I’ve got an average almost as big as my age (over 50), and on Saturday I batted for about 45 minutes with Ole as we put together a match winning partnership. So I guess I’ll have to bat left handed!
My sister Fiona got bitten by a dog, and yes I do think that this is as funny as you might imagine. Its caused a bit of a furore, and no doubt there will be compensation and retribution involved. In fact, I think she expects the dog to suffer the same fate as that gorilla.
So what’s been happening? Well, Zac, mainly. He went to a party at a jumping place in Handforth. All was well until it was time to leave and he realised he had dropped his inhaler in the ball pool. Of course, that was the cue for a mass invasion of the ball pool, and little round plastic balls being thrown everywhere. The inhaler was found, and Sally made a sharp exit amongst mumbled apologies.
Zac has also taken an interest in life insurance. I told him that if you break a leg you could only get a few hundred pounds at the most, but as ever, he has a plan. He suggested that you could pay a doctor to say that you have broken every bone in your body and you are lucky to be alive. Next day a cheque for half a million would arrive on your doorstep.
Unsurprisingly he has been grounded more than once, but it has had no effect. So I struck a deal. When my phone contract is up for renewal in January he can have my old phone, but every time he is naughty I will add a day onto the date that he gets it. Starting at zero, I would subtract 1 for every misdemeanour, and there were no additions. After three days he was on -8 and barred from his X-Box for five days. Back to the drawing board.
It has been a great month for kids football, with both Ole and Zac winning their respective leagues. Trophies galore, and junior presentation night should be entertaining at Whaley Club.
Back to Zac again, and a bit of a mystery about his maths homework. John Jodrell tipped me off as Lewis had to have his in the following day, and there was no sign of Zac doing any. ‘Are you in the same class as Lewis?’ I asked. ‘Yes’. ‘Well his homework has to be in tomorrow. Where’s yours?’ ‘Its at school.’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well its a long story…’ Anyone got a number for Supernanny?
The next story involves Meg, and Zac! Zac was supposed to escort Meg onto and off the school bus and bring her to our house. As an aside I received a text from Chapel School earlier in the day stating that there had been a small fire but everyone was safe. My first instinct was ‘what’s he done now?’ but it wasn’t actually him. He arrived home, but without Meg. ‘So where is she?’ ‘We had a fire at school. Must have lost her in the excitement.’ ‘Was she on your bus?’ ‘Don’t know.’ Fortunately Sally had anticpated this kind of thing and met Meg at the bus stop.
We had a nice treat when Pixie came round and stayed for a couple of days. She settled in well. Very chilled. Loves bouncing, strawberries, and vanilla slices.
Ive managed to get somewhere with the Rock & Roll musical. Five songs constructed and a good idea of the plot. Maybe next year…
Its barbeque season, and smoked cod loin and fresh tuna have already been on the menu. As have king prawns placed on foil with chilli, coriander and garlic oil. Leave them until they sizzle. We’ve also had plenty of marinated chicken (so easy, and so tender), and tonight I will unleash my new toy – a smoke box with apple and hickory wood chips. Today is an experiment before the pulled pork gets the full treatment on Sunday.
The latest orange infused Creole Cake is just as moist as the previous one. Not overpoweringly orangey – but the taste is there. Should have perfected this in time for Christmas.
My credit card got hacked again. What a pain that is. Cancelling everything and then having to set up new payment details for the likes of eBay, Amazon, etc. Maybe that’s the problem in the first place?!
In an attempt to focus Zac’s mind I have started teaching him COBOL. We’ve got as far as data (i.e. chapter 1) and we already have an attention span issue.
Finally, there’s the vote later this month. To Leave Or Not To Leave? That is the question.
Here’s an article extolling the virtues of voting out…
To Brexit
And here’s the opposite view…
Not To Brexit
I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody actually knows! To Brexit or not to Brexit – that is the question. We could revisit the reasons for joining in the first place, but the world has changed a lot since then. I’ve heard that leaving will be an economic disaster, and I’ve heard that we will become a new global superpower without the millstone of the EU. I’ve heard that the EU has prevented WW3 but we survived 20odd years without one prior to joining. I’ve heard that a joined up EU will prevent terrorism (tell that to Paris, Brussels, London, etc) and I’ve heard that closing our borders is the best policy. So really, no one knows, because no one has done it before. And really, if we left would you trust the politicians to do it properly, or will some behind the scenes links still exist to feather their nests (well they’ve got to make up for the expenses shortfall somehow). The only people who will definitely profit from a Brexit are the sign writers. So do your own research, toss a coin, ignore the political rhetoric, and hang on to your hats!
April 30, 2016 by Michael Madden
There’s A Moose Loose Aboot This Hoose
Regular readers will recall that Sally opened a packet of popcorn recently and found that it was nothing more than air. This week her box of compensatory goodies arrived. ‘Hardly a year’s supply,’ she complained, though I don’t think that was ever the deal. There was, of course, some popcorn, as well as Tyrell’s vegetable crisps (just don’t go there). Zac, however, was more interested in the airbags that were packed to ensure the goods remained undamaged. Wasn’t that the problem in the first place?
Sally came home yesterday waxing lyrically about the deer in the field a stone’s throw from our house. She then said that must be what Zac was on about when he said he had seen a moose. From there the conversation went downhill.
Sally, ‘Zac, that wasn’t a moose in the field, it was a deer’
Zac, ‘I didn’t say I saw a moose. I said I saw a yak’
Sally, ‘Well it wasn’t a yak it was a deer’
Zac, ‘It was a yak when I saw it’
This had the potential to go on for ages, so I decided to take a look for myself. I cycled that way this morning and saw no moose, no yaks, and no deer. I did see some horses under the trees, and from a distance it could be said that the branches above their heads looked like antlers. The case is not yet closed!
Last night I picked up Sally and Helen and gave Hell Dog a lift home to Chinley. They were clearly pissed. Sally spotted an unusual pattern in the sky…
Sally, ‘Look at the red sky. Red sky at night, shepherds delight’
Helen, ‘That always reminds me of shepherds pie. I like shepherds pie’
Sally, ‘I like shepherds pie too. Michael, do you like shepherds pie?’
I turned the music up. A lot.
The Creole Cake has had its first feed, with two tablespoons of Cointreau drizzled into it. Another three weeks until the official tasting. Book early!
Yesterday was home made pizza day. A bit of a faff, but well worth it in the end, and the combination of pineapple and jalapeno is quite mouthwatering.
February 6, 2016 by Michael Madden
My Golden Plums
The Transylvanian Green Bean Soup caused a bit of stir last week. Sally asked how I would ever consider making such a thing, and its quite simple really. She would not think twice about buying a hundredweight of beetroot or red cabbage to eventually end up with a small jar of pickle, whilst I looked in the freezer and saw that we had at least 5 kilos of green beans, therefore, in my mind, a green bean recipe was called for. The green bean forest was caused by Sally’s scatter gun approach to shopping, but that is a discussion for another day. Anyway, green bean soup is, unfortunately, not just green beans, so I had to get soured cream and parsley, but everything else was already in the cupboard.
And here’s how it happens…
900g green beans
bunch of fresh parsley (chopped)
1 clove garlic (crushed)
water
salt
2-3 slices bacon
3 tablespoons cornflour
1 onion (chopped)
1 pot soured cream
3 tablespoons vinegar
Put the green beans, parsley, garlic and salt in a large pan. Cover with water and bring to the boil.
Fry the bacon until well done, then chop and add to the pan.
Add the onion, cornflour and a little water to the frying pan and mix until smooth. Add it to the green beans pan then stir in the soured cream and vinegar. Bring to the boil and simmer for 20 minutes.
If you want any other recipes for stuff mentioned here just let me know.
Sometimes there is something that I just want to make, for instance Creole Cake. This calls for a load of ingredients, including Cherry Brandy and Angostura Bitters. There’s no way I’m buying bottles of those for a one off cake, so I put out a a FB message and found them both in the same place. Fortunately my sister Fiona has a reputation where alcohol is concerned, and she will be delivering at least 3 tablespoons of each this week. Any idea what Angostura Bitters is? I had always thought that it is part of a hangover cure, and maybe it is. Originating from Trinidad in the Caribbean, it contains 44.7% alcohol. So maybe it won’t cure your hangover, but it will probably make you forget about it in a hurry.
Heading for Nottingham last week I left Chilli Chicken and Garlic Chilli Chicken behind. One extra word but completely different dishes. The first is along the lines of chilli con carne, whilst the second is a curry. Both can be found in Mmm…No1…Cookbook.
Today I made Beef in Chilli and Ginger (with a few other things thrown in) and Rocky Nests. These are like Rocky Road with less biscuit, and after pouring the first half into the dish to set, Cadbury’s Mini Eggs are placed uniformly onto the mixture before the rest is poured on top. In theory, each piece should have a mini egg inside. I’ll let you know how it turns out later! And whilst on the subject of Cadbury’s Mini Eggs we appear to have a magpie in our house. The eggs, in their original packaging, were stored safely out of the way from prying eyes and prying fingers. Unfortunately, Sally found them and by making a tiny hole in the bottom seam she managed to extract an egg, and then another, and then several more. Of course, the bag now looked and felt considerably lighter than it was before, so I asked the question. Who has been stealing the eggs? It did not take long to figure out that the uncontrollable sniggering and tears running down her cheeks said ‘guilty’. She then had the bare faced cheek to offer to show me how she had perpetrated the crime. Now you see how Zac’s maternal role model has an adverse effect on him.
And now on to my golden plums. I got them from Sainsbury’s. Fresh and juicy and already ripe. Then I noticed that the package said ‘keep in the fridge for extra freshness’. Up until today I had always kept my plums on display, golden or red, so was I doing it wrong? I did what every self respecting person would do, I Googled it. I then discovered that there was a whole science and a plethora of different rules for keeping fruit fresh. Ripen at room temperature seems to be the standard advice, then move to the fridge to enable it to last longer. Berries should be placed in the fridge straight away, but then there is the avocado. To get that to ripen you should place it in a brown paper bag with some bananas. So now you know, and now I know how I can keep my juicy golden plums fresher for longer!
My Blog is certainly getting read. I got a message from California regarding the contract mentioned in the last edition, whilst my daughter said, ‘I read that you had been cycling’. Felt a bit like I was being paparazzied for Hello magazine! I wonder how much further I can reach?!
Its been quiet on the WI Jam & Jerusalem front, but I am sure that the Whaley Bridge chapter of this originally Canadian institution will soon be in full swing. The aims of the WI were originally to revitalise local communities and to encourage women to produce food during the first World War. I expect that the second of these will come to fruition in the form of a Whaley Bridge Bake Off or a Who’s Got The Biggest Marrow? competition, whilst the revitalisation of the community will come about through loose tongued gossip, whispered over cups of Earl Grey and a slice of Lemon Drizzle, I suppose that is just the nature of the beast. No? Well I already know a potted life history of many of the attendees! Seriously though, the WI is a great institution and is to be encouraged. I just think that in this most unique of rural villages their choice of speaker and subject matter must be very carefully considered!
Got a bit of an ear infection or possibly just a blockage this week. Quiet disorientating when one of your ears won’t clear. Solution is simple – just drive to Buxton and hey presto, ‘Pop’ at the top of Long Hill.
Back to cycling this morning, and although the stiffness and a little soreness is still there, I was able to get up out of the saddle for a few yards/ I managed to turn the corner out of Shallcross Mill Road onto Elnor Lane without getting off and walking. A small triumph but another significant step forward.
The US election is all over the tv at the moment, and Zac wanted to understand deficits.
Zac: Why do we want to leave the EU?
Me: Well sometimes we have to pay more money than others.
Zac: More money for what?
Me: Well remember when Greece went bust?
Zac: Yeah.
Me: Well we had to pay a lot of money to bail them out.
Zac: And will they pay us back when they are back on their feet?
Me: Hmm, probably not.
Zac: Are we richer than America?
Me: Well we both owe money, but I suppose as they are bigger than us then they probably owe more.
Zac: Is that why they don’t have proper traffic lights?
Me: Err, what do you mean?
Zac: Ours are proper traffic lights that are fixed in place, but theirs just hang over the road.
So, America, you need to get your house in order on the traffic light front!
Finally, frustration on the football field. Zac’s game got switched last weekend, whilst Ole’s was called off altogether. At this rate the season will extend well beyond April, and Sally is getting a bit fed up about it. Our own pitch certainly takes a big part of the blame, and she questioned the drainage. ‘Why didn’t they spend money on the drainage rather than that fence? Or why did they buy that silly little thing that they sit in (the dugout) rather than sort the pitch out?’ She has a point. With no games the fence and the dugouts become rather glaring white elephants.
N.B. The next edition could well concentrate on the unusual subject of ‘Lady Magnets’. Yes, there is such a thing, and I have commissioned a bit of a survey to verify the benefits of these magical devices.
January 22, 2016 by Michael Madden
I Had To Laugh
Its been a funny old few days, and sometimes I have to laugh otherwise I would have to take some things far too seriously. For instance, I laughed when Sally came back from the shops with three brand new pans. Followers of this blog will know that our kitchen is a veritable graveyard for anything that is likely to be a vessel for Sally’s culinary delights, but in this instance I had to ask, ‘What about the old pans?’ She had to admit that she did not know what I was talking about, so I lifted out the tub that contains rice, quinoa and pasta, and lo and behold, there were three brand new pans. ‘Those are my nice copper pans, they are not for cooking with,’ she replied. ‘So why are they hidden away?’ I asked, at which point I decided that future debate was pointless. I contented myself with an inward smile, knowing that the three newest pans would soon end up in that non-stick graveyard in the sky, whilst the copper ones, that had previously looked on enviously as their distant stainless steel cousins boiled and steamed all manner of comestibles, now realised that they were fortunate to be pretty enough to just sit there on display (albeit at the back of a dark space!) without risking incineration.
I went back to work, getting a lift of Michael Glover, but more of him later. After a few hours in the office I realised the importance of keeping my leg horizontal, and at the end of the day it was sore and stiff as I settled in to an evening at Roomzzz. Of course, a bit of forward planning and a trip to Sainsbury’s meant that I was self sufficient, knocking up a very nice curry and rice on the hob. Yoghurt and blueberries with a dash of honey for dessert, and it was almost as good as being at home. Of course, another good thing about being in a hotel room is that even if you wanted to snack, the effort involved in going out and finding something would be too much to contemplate. After another two days at work I got a lift back home again, thankful that I could then rest for a few days.
In another triumph I started cycling again. I’ve been to Tesco and back several times, and once to Buxworth, but its not really the time of year for this, and I have taken to wearing two pairs of gloves to go with my lycra.
I had to laugh last Friday, when I couldn’t find my phone. I rang it, and although I knew it had full charge the answering service told me that I wasn’t available. Hmmm, that means that it is somewhere that does not get a signal. Buxton perhaps? Now what would my phone be doing in Buxton when I am clearly in Whaley bridge. This mystery was soon resolved when I rang Sally. ‘No, I’ve not got your phone. Only mine. And my work one. Why have I got a missed call from Sarah…oh, this must be your phone.’ She then claimed that I summoned her back from Buxton, but I will let you make your own mind up about that.
It is the cricket club AGM next Tuesday, and that means the Secretary’s Report. Our secretary is notorious for the length of his prose, and recently he has taken to including quotations for effect. Now, I have no problem with this, in fact a flowing narrative can be rewarding to both read and write. Unfortunately, Mr Crowley seems to delight in using words that are not, shall we say, every day ones, and when a reasonably intelligent person has to look up the meaning of some of these words, then the average Whaley Bridge Cricket Club Cricketer will either dismiss it along with the rest of the report, or worse misunderstand it, thereby diluting the efficacy of the message (sorry!).
The effectiveness of a man of letters is constrained by his ability to use the correct spelling and grammar, and when using quotations it is simply unforgivable to mix up the surname of the author of the quotation with that of both the second team player of the year and the chairman of the club, which obviously renders that quotation useless, whilst at the same time casting doubt on the credulity of the remainder of the document.
Zac’s butterfly knife arrived, and although it is perfectly safe it looks and feels impressive. He was at a sleepover on Friday, and he was desperate to take it with him, and of course it is perfectly safe so we agreed. He came home from school with his mate Alex, and then they they had to head off to the shops for supplies for the party. They returned, and got ready to party, at which point we noticed that Zac’s rucksack looked rather heavy. Ignoring this I dropped him off, pointing out to Helen, the hostess of the sleepover, that the knife that Zac had with him looked lethal, but it was perfectly safe. The following morning all was well, but Helen had a couple of things to hand over. Firstly, the knife. Although it was perfectly safe Helen thought it best that it didn’t fall into the wrong hands so she confiscated it. She confiscated several other things, including two full cans of Monster Energy drink, which explains why the bag was so heavy. ‘We only had a sip at a time,’ Zac claimed. More detailed searches will be carried out in the future.
I made chicken fried steak last week – very tasty it is too! I even used my meat tenderiser which makes a huge difference, turning ‘casserole steak’ into tender strips. The process is fairly simple. Dredge the meat in spiced flour (I added 12 different herbs and spices – more than KFC), dredge it in egg wash, then dredge it in the flour again. Shallow fry for about 3-4 minutes on each side then drain on absorbent kitchen paper. Definitely one for MMM…No2…Cookbook. Heading off to Nottingham I also made chicken and vegetable soup that passed Sally’s taste test (it was better than cabbage water), pork in ginger, and meatballs in bolognese. Not much left when I got back last night!
Of course, not everyone is a fan of this preparation, in fact Sally frequently complains that there is too much food in the house, and if it wasn’t there she wouldn’t eat it. Then she bought me a new baking tray. ‘You can make biscuits on it,’ she explained. I had to laugh.
Last week I had to remind Zac that you are what you eat. If you eat rubbish it will turn you into a couch potato. In a related matter, every morning is an adventure when it comes to Zac’s bag. I take out the previous day’s lunch box and replace it with today’s fresh offering. On Tuesday, just before I set off for Nottingham, I found that Monday’s apple was untouched, but a Galaxy bar wrapper was there. I left him a note reiterating that he needed to eat healthily and he would have to forfeit his X-Box for leaving the apple. I spoke to him later that night, at which point he tried to complain. ‘You are what you eat you said. If I eat carrots I’ll end up like a carrot.’ Not quite sure he understood what I meant. The phrase ‘couch potato’ was also thrown into the conversation, so I just asked him why he didn’t eat his apple. ‘Did you put apple in there?’ he asked. ‘I wasn’t very hungry at school.’ Hardly surprising given the empty Galaxy wrapper!
Going to see The Stranglers in Nottingham in March. Can’t remember the last time I saw them, but the first time was almost 40 years ago! I wonder if they will remember the words? Michael Glover is very excited about the prospect. I wonder if Annie’s Burger Shack is also on the cards.
Spam seems to have taken an odd direction since Christmas. As well as the Nigerian Generals and well meaning American benefactors, I’ve now been offered an online degree, miracle slimming pills, and perhaps most bizarrely a field light that is bright enough to blind a bear. I kid you not. Bright enough to blind a bear. What a selling point! Perhaps I will dedicate one of these blog entries entirely to Spam. I certainly get enough of it.
Finally, I had to laugh. You may recall that I had to have stomach injections post op, and now we have a container full of discarded needles. These specially made containers, ‘Sharpsafe’ or something like that, hold the needles until they can be properly disposed of. ‘You can drop them off at the doctor’s in Whaley when you go,’ Sally said. A couple of hours later the needles were back in their original place, on the side in the kitchen. ‘You didn’t take the needles,’ she complained, but I pointed out that I did indeed take the needles. Unfortunately, the doctor’s do not take needles, and if they did it would have to be at Chapel, and even then they would only take needles that they had actually given out. I would have to take them to a hospital, and preferably the one that originally handed them out. ‘That’s ridiculous,’ said the ex nurse. ‘I’d have thought that someone who works in a hospital would know the procedure for disposing of needles,’ I said, which it could be argued was somewhat inflammatory. ‘So, do you know anyone who is heading off to a hospital any time soon?’ She ignored me as she put on her coat and went off to work at Wythenshawe Hospital. I had to laugh.
December 30, 2015 by Michael Madden
Another Year (Almost) Over…
Well its almost New Year, and the chocolate fest will soon be over. Even at Easter its not really acceptable to tuck in to half a box of Ferrero Rocher at 10 am, have brownies with cream for lunch, and eat stuff thats in the fridge just because its there. Someone needs to tell Sally that, even at this time of year, shopping is optional! The Bags For Life have been discarded in favour of huge boxes. Today was a horse riding expedition, followed by a trip to the shops in Macclesfield. That probably won’t last long as she has taken Zac with her, never the most patient of shoppers.
Roll on Saturday, and not just because we will be well in to 2016, it is also the day I can officially put full weight through my leg. I must admit, I have been tempted a couple of times, and it doesn’t quite feel right, with some interesting swellings in places that I didn’t think could swell.
Its been a busy week in the kitchen, and not always a successful one. I made a cranberry, almond and orange sponge. One of Nigella’s. It looked very easy on the telly, but when I found it on the net the quantities seemed a bit off. I checked the video on Youtube and after getting distracted several times, sure enough the quantities are significantly different. For one, the eRecipe uses a mixture of ounces and cups. Never did quite get the American use of the ‘cup’ as a measurement. Anyway, it came out very sticky, gooey and crunchy, all at the same time, more like a crumble than a sponge, but Sally loved it, and it didn’t last long. When I get the quantities right she may well be disappointed.
I’ve not been to the pub for ages, maybe manage a cheeky couple on New Year’s Eve, but if not then I will definitely be heading out on Saturday!
There always seem to be tragedies around this time of year, and I guess the flooding is what has made headline news this week. There has also been an earthquake, a shark attack in Gran Canaria, and a terrorist bomb plot foiled. There have been some very sad deaths, too. Lemmy was arguably the biggest name, but he had a great life in rock and roll before succumbing to the big C at the age of 70. Specials drummer John Bradbury also passed away at the alarmingly young age of 62, but the most tragic was surely Pavel Srnicek who suffered a cardiac arrest aged just 47. Frank Sinatra has been on the tv, but he died years ago, whilst Elvis died almost 40 years ago, but that certainly hasn’t stopped him from releasing a new record.
Of course, there are also good news stories. A German man died when he tried to blow up a condom machine, and there are reports that during the recent security lockdown in Belgium police and soldiers engaged in an orgy!
One of my favourite Christmas presents, for various reasons, is my Muddy Fox cycling shades, with 4 different coloured lenses. I look forward to getting out in the very near future, though shades may be pushing it a bit, except perhaps to stave off the glare from another present, a fluorescent lime cycling top. You will definitely see me coming.
A gift that I gave to the family was tickets to see the stage version of Goodnight Mister Tom, its about the only chance I have to get the kids to do something educational! Yesterday they took to the garden in new Real Madrid and Barcelona kits. El Classico lasted all of about 10 minutes, followed by a debate about whose football team was better at whatever ages. and that is about the only exercise that they have had since the Christmas holidays began. To be fair, Ole has walked from his bedroom to the fridge many times, whilst Zac has carried lots of heavy weights in the form of disguised chocolate from the kitchen to wherever he thinks he can eat it undetected.
Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, and I have a beef chilli partially made in the fridge. I like chilli to be hot, I hope our guests are similar! There are always a few odd people around, and so I will be making a vegetarian sweet potato chilli too. Probably not as hot. I think festive apple puffs will come in handy, so I had better make some almond paste today. So much for the term ‘holidays’. Speaking of which, Sally is hoping to head off stateside in February to ride a horse along a trail. Not sure if she thinks she is Ruben Carter (you have to know the song) or Annie Oakley. She then hopes to take in a rodeo. Its a bit ambitious, particularly as she is going with my sister Fiona. Sally rides quite frequently, and although my sister is probably used to sitting on her arse for long periods of time, I am not sure her business class airline seats ever quite mimic five hours in the saddle of a potentially bucking bronco!
I think a week in the more sedate surroundings of a Cuban beach seems a better option to me.
Today Storm Frank is battering the UK, and Whaley Bridge is getting the tail end of it. Nothing too drastic, but I guess the X-Boxes will be getting some more hammer, whilst next week the first real snows of winter are forecast. That’s great with the prospect of returning to work. Now where’s that box of Famous Names Liqueurs I was looking forward to?
December 19, 2015 by Michael Madden
Back To The Kitchen…Mmm…
Monday saw a trip to see my consultant, ten days after the operation. He removed the dressing and showed me what a splendid job he had done with the stitches. He sent me upstairs for an x-ray (don’t worry, there’s a lift), and when I came back down he showed me the results of his handiwork from inside. It made me feel quite sick as I saw how much he had sawed into the bone and the size of the bracket and pins. There was another chap in the waiting room with a very similar scar (we HTO patients like to wear shorts to show our wounds as badges of honour). Anyway, it was six weeks since his operation and he was almost walking ok, though still with the occasional use of crutches. Unfortunately he had not yet been passed fit to drive. It was an uncomfortable journey home as the full extent of the ‘injury’ began to sink in.
It didn’t get any better on Tuesday, with Zac faffing about in the morning and missing his bus. Despite her assertions to the contrary, Sally ended up giving him a lift, for which he paid with two days without his X-Box. That can be a double edged sword, and later that night, whilst Sally was giving me yet another injection into my stomach (only three more to go) Zac was allegedly doing some homework that involved a cake, grapes, and a glue gun! The kitchen was a right mess – we would have all been better off if he’d have been on his X-Box.
Tuesday was actually a busy day, as my own activity started with a visit to the physio. Alarmingly steep stairs up to her treatment room, but thanks to a lift from Clayton and some skillful crutch work I made it in one piece. She was very impressed with my progress, a good range of movement and inflexion of over 100 degrees, but she gave me some leg raises and leg straightening exercises that were excruciating. At one point she asked me if I was going to be sick.
I have to say that incapacitation is not a situation that I enjoy, but it is equally bad for Sally and the kids. So after returning from the physio I had a couple of hours before I needed to bed down into my office to do some work, and I headed for the kitchen. I laid out all of the ingredients so that I wouldn’t have to move too much, and I made chilli chicken and syrup sponge pudding. Ole would be mightily relieved that he could get something good to eat (not that Sally wasn’t trying her best, of course), and Zac and sponge are a match made in heaven, though he did scrape off the syruppy bits!
That is a recipe from Mmm…No1…Cookbook, and one advantage of lying horizontal day and night is it gives me a chance to spend the evenings filling in Mmm…No2…Cookbook, as well as adding to my ‘The History Of Zombies’ project. This is to try to get Zac off his X-Box and into books, and this week we received a reading list from Chapel School. I must admit that I wouldn’t like to read many of the titles on there, and Zac was adamant that he doesn’t like reading stories as they are too long and boring and don’t have any pictures in. Note to self – illustrate ‘The History Of Zombies’. So now, Zac is reading Harry Potter and the something or other. He got it from Ole, and when I asked how he was getting on he couldn’t even remember the title. Ole, surprisingly, is showing an interest in the stock market, and he is reading ‘Financial Reckoning Day’ by Bill Bonner and Addison Wiggins. If you are vaguely interested in money, stocks, shares and commodities I thoroughly recommend it. Entertaining and informative. However, its not all fun and games, and there are times when I feel quite sorry for myself. The melancholy usually hits when I look in the fridge!
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, my Sky Box went on the blink. Not catastrophically, it was just that the Programme Synopsis didn’t show up. Never really realised how useful that is until it wasn’t there. Over the last few weeks there have also been a few other quirks, such as failing to record, taking ages to boot up, etc. The box is over five years old and therefore way beyond warranty, so when I called Sky I wasn’t surprised to hear that it would cost me over £200 to replace plus £65 call out. However, they gave me the option of taking a six month warranty out on the existing box which would cost £10 per month. That would cover my current issue. Ok then, sounds like a bargain. The engineer was booked to come out on Friday.
More problems for Zac, he has been told by his tutor at school that his bag smells. I’m not really surprised, and after removing more rotting fruit and underwear it was once again consigned to the wash. Any ideas?
Better news on Wednesday, I have won 200,000,000 something from some kind of Nigerian lottery. An American lady managed to sneak it out of the country before fraudsters got their hands on it, for which I am, of course, eternally grateful. My favourite bit of the email was the last line – ‘If found in spam move to inbox’.
Today was a busy day with the Sky engineer arriving right in the middle of it. Within little more than ten minutes he had diagnosed the fault and quickly replaced not only the box but also the Sky dish with brand new equipment. No real down side, as he also told us that our previous recordings will all have gone, so I no longer have to worry about the series link of ‘Come Dine With Me!
I have been on calls for most of the day, all work related, and when they finally died down Sally moved in to place. Her last chance to show that she hasn’t lost her nursing skills as she prepared to remove the 20 clips holding my wound together.
She was very good at it – with only one or two actually hurting. Tomorrow sees the start of partial weight bearing. 25% to begin with, though I’ve no idea how I am going to measure that. If you see me hobbling towards the centre of Whaley Bridge, I’ve probably gone too far!
Well, Saturday morning and a quiet start to the day with Sally catching up with the entire world on Facebook. My main aim today is to start putting weight through my left leg. Its not easy, with tightness in the calf, tightness in the hamstring, and a reluctance to let go. The clip free wound is holding up well, and with some self massaging (in my calf you naughty people) its getting a bit easier.
August 31, 2015 by Michael Madden
Rage Against The Machine (And Against The Son)
Before I start – does this happen in everyone’s house? We had just finished tea and I was outside when Ole came running out. ‘Look what she’s done!’ he shrieked. Meanwhile, from inside, ‘she’, better known as ‘Lady M’ was laughing at having taught her first born a valuable life lesson. Number one, do not put ice down the back of mum’s top. Number two, especially don’t put ice down the back of mum’s top when she has a ketchup bottle to hand. As Ole was busy removing his ketchup soaked top, the triumphant Lady M urged me to give him both barrels of the mayo and barbeque sauce.
Anyway, that brings me on to the subject of washing. As a result of Sally completely giving up the ghost in terms of who wears which underwear, Zac can now be seen in mine, Ole’s and occasionally his own. He has so far steered clear of Lady M’s, but it can only be a matter of time.
There have been a few questions about my most popular post regarding the Prom Bitch. In answer to your question, no I have not had an apology, and nor do I expect one. Let’s just say that there are certain things that appear to run in the family!
It’s been argumentative recently, mainly between Zac and Sally. She tries in vain to tidy his room, he does not really understand the fuss. “I’ve had enough!” she exclaimed after one particularly frustrating episode, to which Zac replied, “No – I’ve had enough”. Today he appeared to get the upper hand again. The conversation went something like this…
Zac, “Where’s the hot glue gun?”
Sally, “Probably where you left it”
Zac, “No, I left it on the side. Did you move it from the side?”
Sally, “Yes – I will have put it away”
Zac, “Where?”
Sally, “Probably in the garage. You’ll find it there”
Zac, “No – you go and find it – you moved it”
Sally, “I’ll do it later. I’m watching tv”
At this point Zac pressed the Live Pause button
Zac, “You’ll get it now”
Sally eventually got up and after searching a number of places she finally found the hot glue gun, at which point Zac looked rather smug.
The Raven finished over a month ago, but I got a nice email from Underground Venues this week informing me that payment of £451 will be coming my way! That’s not bad considering they take 40% of the box office. For those that missed it there’s a rather shaky video courtesy of Lady M of the final show that was more ‘relaxed’ than the other three!
The last Whaley Warriors home game produced a fine pan of chicken & potato balti. Unfortunately that is the last of my home made balti sauce. That means the house is gonna stink of curry whilst I make some more. Want the recipe?
Sometimes, the myth can be so strong that it propagates itself. Sally sent an enquiry regarding the hire of a holiday cottage. She did not leave her name, just her email address, ladymadden1@gmail.com. So it came as no surprise when the reply came, and it began…
Dear Lady Madden.
Of course, Lady M did nothing to dissuade the sender!
We had an interesting few days away last weekend, and for a variety of strange reasons. Firstly we headed for London, and our hotel was at the south end of Westminster Bridge. I have never driven through the centre of London before, but Zac was fascinated by the Lamborghinis and Bugattis that seemed to rival the taxis in terms of numbers.
He quite fancied this one that came to a stop at the traffic lights outside the hotel, and one day I think he might just get one!
May 8, 2015 by Michael Madden
That silver car (again)
It was a pleasant day at Chester Races – but I am so glad that I came home rather than heading for Liverpool afterwards. And what happened to the Tote? This is now something called ‘Chester Bet’, and they seemed adept at trimming the prices of any horses that actually won. Anyway, I returned to a great result for Whaley Bridge Under 17s who beat local rivals, and very strong side Buxworth by 6 wickets.
But back to the bane of my life – the silver car with the orange warning light. On Wednesday they returned my car, but I was too busy to check that the fault had been fixed. However, the delivery driver assured me it was all done. So, imagine my surprise when I switched the engine on and the orange warning light winked at me. Repeatedly. And then went solid, just like it was before. I fired off an irate email, demanding that it be picked up and repaired properly on Friday, but that is not the end of it. No, last night another car headlight shone on its rear end, and Sally spotted this…
Yes, a second optional extra, RUST!
So, now my silver car with two unwanted optional extras has been taken away again by the Dacia man and replaced with a white one.
This could run and run! It will now be known as the Ruster rather than the Duster.
Not sure what the chocolate chickpea cupcakes will turn out like, but they took a rather aggressive beating this morning. Hopefully the fajitas will be made with a more gentle hand later.
April 30, 2015 by Michael Madden
We Do Like To Stroll Upon The Prom Prom Prom…
Twelve months ago it was a fanciful suggestion from a 14 year old willing to give up his birthday party for it. Now, the reality of staging the Chapel High School after prom party at our house is becoming a nightmarish reality.
First, the ground rules. NO ONE is allowed in the house. It must all take place in the garden. I am assured that large quantities of sick buckets need to be placed around the garden. We will need at least 2 portaloos. Hmm, maybe get condom machines fitted? Hey, don’t judge, have you ever seen a drunken 16 year old try to get a condom over his (or her) head?
Entertainment – we have a live band. We also have neighbours! A bouncy castle? Best make sure that there is an ambulance on hand. Foam in the bouncy castle? Best make sure that there is more than one ambulance on hand. Water guns alongside the bouncy castle? Forget the ambulances. Just set up a MASH unit.
We have gazebos, I certainly hope these will not be required for any future event – they are unlikely to be serviceable. We also have a tarpaulin – not sure what this is for, except maybe to scoop them all up at 3am and dump them somewhere else in Whaley Bridge. Anywhere will do, just as long as it is not at my house.
We are trying to source hazard tape. This was originally intended to prevent the youths from falling down the banking and potentially onto the road. I think there may be many more uses for it before the night is done!
More updates on this one soon.
I should be excited this morning. I am going to pick up my new silver car. Unfortunately it involves a drive into and out of Manchester, never a joyful experience.
I must say thanks to Lou Cooper for giving me the number of Jo Hopkins from New Mills. Jo is a seamstress. Now, there used to be one near the bus stop close to Park Cafe in Whaley Bridge. I asked on Facebook if she was still doing it, and the replies ranged from ‘yes’ to ‘she moved to St Helens’. So, I went down myself to have a look, and her seamstress’s shop looks pretty empty. Anyway, Jo took my trousers and waistcoat and promised to have them done in time for the races next week.
Zac had an asthma attack last weekend. That is a scary thing, and its the first time it has happened for quite some time. He was at Archie’s birthday party, and we still don’t know what brought it on. Maybe he is allergic to magicians. Anyway, just a reminder that this can happen at any time – always be prepared.
And speaking of traumas, let’s go into the kitchen. On Monday, the sink overflow was blocked. I unblocked it using boiling water, washing up liquid, bicarbonate of soda, and more boiling water. Worked a treat. Yesterday, Sally did this…
So here’s a question for you…
Is it…
1. The latest pic from the Hubble telescope
2. A prop from Little Shop Of Horrors
3. Rhubarb
If you guessed 3, give yourself a prize.
I was only out of the house for 45 minutes, but that is what I came home to. Apparently she had been chatting. Remorse? No – in fact she thinks it quite nicely depicts the lost souls of the rhubarb, and she wants to enter it for the Turner prize.
All that I know is that the final Le Creuset pan has reached the end of its lifetime guarantee.
Is there a connection between Sally’s cooking and the blocked sink? I will leave you to draw your own conclusion.
April 28, 2015 by Michael Madden
A Question Of Sex
The Sapphire debate rumbles on. My sister Fiona, who used to be a nurse so she ought to know, reckons Sapphire is definitely a boy. She started to show me pics that demonstrate how to tell, but I’m not really into kitten porn so I declined. However, Jools, who used to be a midwife so she ought to know, reckons its a girl. Sapphire seems unconcerned about the debate that rages all around her, and treats with equal disdain any reference to his / her gender.
Bobby has started engaging with her / him, occasionally in an aggressive manner with a strong swipe of the paw. Sapphire still comes back for more.
We have a retired vet down our road – may have to bring him in for professional advice.
Anyway, Fiona also took Zac up to cricket practice on Friday, and pointed out that the flag was not the Whaley Bridge flag, so what was it? Zac’s response was ‘they probably stole it from an African country’.
Meanwhile, back to the cat. Ole is not happy with the name Sapphire whether it is a boy or a girl. He was reminded that Bobby Bob Cat is an unusual name, to which he assured us that ‘I know loads of people who aren’t cats that are called Bobby’.
Last week I managed to inch ever closer to bridge 19 on the Whaley Bridge to Marple towpath. This week, however, I was thwarted much earlier, at bridge 22. The barriers are back up – but I reckon by the end of the week they will have been dismantled again. If the weather picks up I’m aiming for the Ring O’ Bells on Friday.
Casting for The Raven should be completed this week – then it is down to the publicity. I have also started working on next year’s somewhat ambitious project. A full scale rock & roll musical about a run down diner, with hints of Macbeth and an appearance by Elvis. I did say that it was ambitious.
Its a busy time – not least with the Under 16s football. Hoping for a big crowd on Thursday night at Whaley to see if our boys can clinch second place with a win over Juno. Still waiting to pick up my car, though to be fair I’m not that bothered. Sally is though, and if it doesn’t arrive soon I can see some irate calls to the dealership.
Anyway, burgers for tea. I can recommend the service at MacBurnham’s butchers in Chapel, and I have had my grinder in action already. Patties waiting in the fridge, now for the bacon, mushroom, cheese, etc.