January 8, 2024 by Mike Madden
Thud! Cake
“Bruce, Bruce, Bruce!”
There are times when I shake my head in disbelief, and when Sally decided to recreate her (in)famous Bogtrotter Cake this was another such instance. The occasion was Archie’s school play. The production was Matilda, and Archie was to play Bruce Bogtrotter. Bruce is famous for eating an entire chocolate cake, and Sally decided that her Bogtrotter cake was just what he needed. So, I retrieved my large mixing bowl from the cookhouse. Normally this would be used to bake copious amounts of Ciabatta, but on this occasion it would serve to hold the batter for Sally’s cake.
She started off in what looked like a scene from Fantasia, with Mickey Mouse orchestrating various kitchen objects, and ended more like The Cat In The Hat and the Kupcake-inator. However, this cake would definitely not fit in a cup. The science of baking went out of the window as flour, eggs, sugar, butter, cocoa and maybe a few other ingredients were mixed in the rapidly filling bowl. Too runny? Add more flour. Too stiff? Add more eggs. What could possibly go wrong?
Let Them Eat Cake
Eventually, two cake tins were lined and filled with the dark brown batter, and into the oven they went. The batter did not end there. Sally went on to make a dozen cupcakes with the remainder. I did consider telling her that proportions for cupcakes are usually different to those for large cakes, but as the thought of using a measuring implement had never crossed her mind I decided to stay quiet.
An undetermined time later the cakes were removed, and they looked magnificent. A bit like a volcano just before it blows, or the calm sea before a Tsunami hits. Sally was so pleased with her creation that she posted to all of the doubters on social media. After the cakes had cooled she constructed the final Bogtrotter version with chocolate buttercream, and it was left to sit, revelling in its magnificence until the show four days later.
Metamorphosis
Four days can be a long time in the life of a cake, particularly one which could be said to be “scientifically unstable”. It was packaged up (not in cake dome or box, it was too big for that), and off it went for the post-show celebrations. Ole and Zac accompanied Sally, and it was good that they did. The cake was almost a two-man job as it was lifted and transported into the hall.
Things That Go Thud In The Night
I have independent witnesses who all used the exact same word when describing what happened next. The cake was lowered onto a table with a Thud! The “Thud” was so loud that it silenced the room as everyone turned to see what had happened. Many suspected an accident, or perhaps something had fallen from a great height. No, this was the Bogtrotter Cake.
At this point it could still be called “magnificent”, at least by Sally, and as the wrapping was removed the weight was still the only cause for alarm. However, when it came to cutting into the cake there was another problem. The icing, and indeed much of the cake itself, had solidified. A simple kitchen knife would simply not do, and at one point the gathered throng considered contacting the woodwork department for a saw.
Holes beginning to appear
Finally, the outer layer was breached, and further problems became evident. The cake was so heavy that large parts of it had sunk. Internal holes were visible, surrounded by heavily concentrated and obviously dry concrete-like structures of chocolate cake. A few brave souls munched on it, but the majority of the cake returned home. Even the self-confessed chocolate cake fiend Zac would not touch it.
Collapsing under its own weight
Like birthday cards and Christmas trees I gave it a few days before consigning it to the bin, despite protests from Sally that she might have wanted to give it to the birds! I almost rang the RSPCA, I was already a little worried that it might do some damage to Waterswallows. I took the opportunity to get rid of the cupcakes too. As the cocoa dust settled I made sure that I had some photos “lest we forget”!
Kitchen Creations
I seem to have been very busy in the kitchen, starting with one of my favourites, Festival Gateau. I can remember having this as a child, and until recently Morrisons used to sell them. However, apart from having to be careful with the construction they are actually quite easy to make.
Festival gateau – layers of cream, custard and sponge surrounded by a marzipan dome
Festival gateau uses a lot of egg yolks in the custard, so I needed something that would use the egg whites. Raspberry Pavlova did the trick.
Raspberry Pavlova
I tried my hand at corn dogs. These just seemed like an unhealthy way to eat sausages even though they were baked rather than deep fried. The kids enjoyed them – but I’m not sure I will make them again.
Corn dogs
Rice dishes are always popular with the boys, and paella is a common creation. To add some variety I made biryani with chicken which went down well, but there was a clear favourite. Taken from Mmm…No1…Cookbook, Jambalaya is not only a great song its a great dish too! Tesco in Whaley Bridge now sell all manner of sausages, so I opted for chorizo, a spiced salami and Catalan fuet. It was so good I made it twice! I also used a similar combination to make a meaty and spicy paella.
Spicy paella
Breaking Bread
As you know I retrieved my giant mixing bowl for the Thud! cake, and whilst it was out I made use of it. Ciabatta is very satisfying to make, especially if the bread is properly aerated with a crusty exterior. I made individual buns rather than larger loaves, and they disappeared in no time.
Ciabatta
Its Beginning To Look A Lot Like…
Despite the success of the savoury dishes, its the sweet treats that are undoubtedly the most popular. I repeated my success with Pastel De Nata, and a pre-Christmas chocolate log has now become tradition. Two batches of gingerbread men, Christmas trees, hearts, etc were almost gone before they could be decorated.
Run, run, as fast as you can
However, I decided that I would make my own gingerbread house instead of buying an inedible kit. It went quite well, although the construction was somewhat tricky. The roof was a significant challenge, but cola strips and matchmakers seemed to do the trick. As with all things Christmassy, a sprinkle of icing sugar can hide a multitude of sins.
11 Walters Wood
In the past we have had issues with burglars in Whaley Bridge, particularly at this time of year. My gingerbread house was not immune from this, and the path started to disappear as soon as it was finished!
Happy Thanksgiving
To celebrate Thanksgiving I tried my hand at Mississippi Mud Pie. Very sticky and sweet – another that may not get a second try!
Mississippi Mud Pie
Nutella Dodgers
Chocolate digestives never last very long, although with Ole being away I thought I had a chance. Not so, and the second batch, with a chocolate base, is almost down to crumbs.
Another biscuit I decided to try was Nutella shortbread sandwich, using my pastry cutters to make them look pretty! Zac is not a fan of shortbread, but Ole is!
Nutella Shortbread Sandwiches
Festive Food
The run up to Christmas is always busy, but perhaps the most important job is to put the final dose of Cointreau into the Creole Cake!
A couple of days later it was time to cover the cake with home made almond paste before baking it again in the oven.
Once ALL of the cooking is out of the way I can leave it to Sally to add the finishing decorative touches.
Although Zac would maintain that the Christmas Log is the most important festive creation.
Christmas pudding has become a spectacular part of the festive season – and this year I got Zac to film the final flaming event!
Birthday Balloons
You might think that 20 is too old to have balloons on your birthday, but Sally decided that Zac’s 20th would be celebrated in the traditional way. So, on her way out of the supermarket she suddenly remembered “balloons”, and grabbed a couple of packets. On the eve of the big day I was tasked with blowing them up, and I was a little surprised to see “21 Today” emblazoned across the surface. Undeterred, I still had the second packet to fall back on. Unfortunately, the 8th birthday message was even less appropriate!
Cat Capers
Bo seems increasingly used to having Thomas around the place. There is a lot of play fighting between them, and Thomas does occasionally get quite brave. However, Bo will always have the last swipe just to let him know who is boss.
The ears are a bit of a giveaway
With it being close to Christmas there are a lot of boxes that the pair of them use for hiding, sleeping or playing in. Thomas has also discovered that there is a bowl on the kitchen windowsill that is just his size.
He’s also been outside exploring – but he had to be rescued from this predicament.
Can you get me down please?
Bo has also been using the boxes to avoid her new friend.
But Thomas can be determined.
Though really they are best buddies!
Thomas has been having his injections and check ups, and when I mentioned to Ole that I had taken him to the vet in Chapel he was a little confused. “I didn’t even know there was a vet in Chapel,” he said, “or did you just take him to the doctors?”
A Christmas Special
There were more creatures involved when Ole’s long awaited appearance in the Christmas Special of All Creatures Great And Small was finally aired. There was a concern that many of his scenes might have been cut but this was not the case. He appeared several times, and was second only to James Herriott in the credits! We look forward to a busy 2024.
Another Sunday Lunch
We managed to fit in another Sunday lunch in October, to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We had heard good reports of the Old Hall in Chinley, so we decided to give it a try. With lifts there and back we could enjoy the atmosphere and a bottle of wine before our meal. The food was good, one of the better Sunday lunches in the area. Perhaps not quite at the Royal Oak, Hurdlow or the Barrel standard, but certainly not far behind. We will be trying it again!
Where There’s Muck…
Fiona lost her phone, and with the wizardry of modern technology she located it at Fern Farm in Buxton, where she and Sally keep their horses. They narrowed it down further, unfortunately to the muck pile. So, they set off to try to retrieve the missing phone. There was further bad news to come, as the muck pile had been scooped up and moved to Chelmorton Farm, where it no doubt joined a lot of other muck piles. Undeterred, Louise, Fiona and Sally went to the wilds of Chelmorton.
Louise and Fiona dived straight in to the muck pile, shovelling sh*t in the vain hope of retrieving the phone. However, it was Sally who proved to be most effective, praying to St Anthony as the others threw manure here and there. Lo and behold, the prayers were answered and the phone was found!
Watching The Detectives
And speaking of Sally and Fiona, they certainly dressed for the part on their recent trip to London. That is as long as the “part” was that of two lady detectives specialising in murder in country villages. Watch out for future episodes of Murder Mystery with Lady M And Baroness H. Its an intriguing series that shows what Cagney and Lacey would have been like if it was set in the Peak District. In the 1940s!
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
I got an emergency call a few days before Christmas. Santa was double booked! So, I agreed to stand in for the Pony Stars. There were a couple of dodgy moments, including when a young boy told me he’d seen me at his grandad’s pub the previous day, but overall it went well. I am NOT available for panto!
Guess who?
Happy New Year
Finally in this section, as the New Year rolls in it is always good to get out and about. Today I took in one of the many spectacular views of the Peak District.
Horses, Horses, Everywhere
I went to the sales at Tattersalls on 12th October, with a view to buying a yearling for our new syndicate MMM Racing. I was a little more successful than previously, in terms of picking horses that were also on Luke Lillingston’s list. Luke is our friend and experienced bloodstock agent. I also met Mike Curtis, a friend from Twitter and a syndicate member. By the end of the day we had looked at a lot, earmarked a few, and bid on not many at all as we were priced out of most of the lots. Undeterred, we had another day to go, but I would have to leave that to Luke as I would be at York races.
Pick Of The Parade
Towards the end of that first day we saw a chestnut filly by Sir Percy (or is it ‘chesnut’?) and Luke was blown away by her. He thought she would be out of our price range, and not a particularly precocious type, so maybe not one for the syndicate. We studied her pedigree, and although Sir Percy won the Derby as a three-year-old, he also won over six furlongs in the May of his juvenile season. So, perhaps she might race earlier than originally thought. I drove home and did not think much more about it until the following morning. Luke had four or five that we were interested in, but it would be the Sir Percy filly who was first into the sales ring.
Bring The Hammer Down
Luke asked if we wanted to bid on her, and I said ‘yes’, but without much hope. We led the bidding at 18,000 guineas, but we were approaching our budget of 20,000. There was another problem, as whilst the horse was in the ring we were travelling to York, and about to hit the notorious signal blackspot at Woodhead. The bidding reached 20k, at which point I was willing to pull out, as we had several other prospects. “Do you want to try one more?” Luke asked as the phone signal faded. “Yes,” Sally shouted from the driver’s seat. So we went to 21k, and that was that. No further bids came in, and we had our filly.
Luke would make all of the necessary arrangements, and she would be at David O’Meara’s the following morning. That would give us the opportunity to visit her on our way back from York.
There was great excitement at the O’Meara yard, with David confirming that he thought she would be a six or seven furlong type to begin with, rather than the more traditional five. That was not a problem, as she could still potentially hit the track in May.
I messaged the syndicate so that they could start to think of a name for our new purchase, but for the immediate future we had a race at Musselburgh to attend.
Star Heads North
Star Of Lady M had won at Musselburgh previously, so we were reasonably confident as we made the long journey the day before the race. Despite hitting traffic going through Manchester we made reasonable time, but we were too late for food when we reached the magnificent Carberry Tower. Thanks to Hotels.Com we were upgraded to the Bowes-Lyons suite, a room where Queen Elizabeth and Princess Margaret had told stories to their children many years ago.
The following morning we went to the beach as the early autumn weather was glorious. It was starting to get a bit chilly as we reached the course, and although the ground appeared to be quite firm the rain had obviously softened it in places.
Danny Tudhope was on board, but it made no difference as Star battled to a disappointing 5th of 10. She ran ok, better than her £244 prize money deserved, but I began to wonder if she should be put away for the winter. Maybe we should consider sending her to stud, as there had definitely been more bad days than good during the season.
Star at Musselburgh
Danny was a little more optimistic, suggesting that she might benefit from a visor. David agreed, and suggested we try the all weather courses. There were several reasons for this, including the fact that her mum had won on the all weather, and there were significant bonuses to be had.
Opportunities For The Queen
Elsewhere, Storm Babet curtailed many racing fixtures. Southwell, a likely destination for Canaria Queen, was actually under water due to the local river bursting its banks. She was declared at Redcar, but Tim decided that she needed something easier so we waited.
Meanwhile, we decided that Emerald Duchess would not recover from her broken bone, and so she would be sold as a broodmare. She was entered into the December mares sale at Tattersalls.
Star Heads South
With meetings being abandoned and other meetings scheduled at short notice, race planning became a bit of a challenge. However, we found an opportunity for Star Of Lady M at Lingfield. Danny Tudhope was again on board, but Sally did not fancy the long trip south. I stayed at the Marriott which is actually on the course, so I was close by for the following day.
Lingfield had done really well to get the fixture on at short notice, and everyone was very friendly though the crowd was sparse. Star looked well in the paddock and Danny was confident. It was her first time in a visor, first time on the all weather, and her first time around a bend since the infamous Lily Agnes at Chester, but on the positive side there were only 7 runners.
The Best Laid Plans…
She broke well and tried to track Skallywag Bay, but Skallywag’s jockey took a pull and we lost momentum on the bend. She recovered in the straight, finishing fastest of all, but could only manage third. It was a pleasing run, and one that filled us with renewed optimism. Maybe an all weather campaign was just what she needed. I thought that the bends were still a bit of a problem, but David said that would improve with experience. I set off on the long journey home and wondered how anyone could ever consider the M25 as a commuter route. Luke shared my racing optimism, and we looked forward to her next outing.
Star glad to get the visor off at Lingfield
She was dropping down the weights, and we decided to give her an entry on a cold Friday evening at Newcastle.
She’s A Red Hot Momma (Or Maybe Not)
The vote for the name of our Sir Percy filly was tense, but Red Hot Momma prevailed. David O’Meara recorded a video announcement that I shared with the syndicate, and it was well received. I sent the name to Weatherbys for approval, but there was a problem. Red Hot Momma was too phonetically similar to the broodmare Red Hot Mama and so we would have to think again.
F..F..Friday Night
Sally was away and so could not make the long trip to Newcastle, so I went alone and made it in good time. Unfortunately I missed the turn for the course and ended up on a dual carriageway. I did a u-turn at the first roundabout, coming back on the other side. I was a little alarmed that my speedo said 50mph but my satnav was telling me the limit was 20mph, so I slammed on the brakes and ignored the possibility of a ticket. The course was busy, with a funfair and fireworks planned, so there was very little time to catch up with Star before or after the race.
The temperature had dropped significantly by the time of the 8th race. David Nolan was our jockey, and he was a little concerned about our position on the far side of the course. My research told me that there should not be a particular draw bias, but on a cold night such as this there were other factors. She started as co-favourite of 3, but drifted to 7/1. Perhaps someone knew something!
David Nolan on Star Of Lady M at Newcastle
Out On Her Own
David broke well, then tried to get Star covered up. No one would let him in, and by the time he did tuck in it was too late. Our girl ran ok to dead heat for 4th, but David explained afterwards that she burnt herself out running into a strong headwind. Being drawn on the near side and being able to get behind a wall of horses would have been much better, which is exactly what the winner did. It was a reason for optimism as she picked up more prizemoney, and it made me realise just how many different factors came into play before a race could be won.
The journey home was uneventful, but as expected I got a letter through the post. Fortunately it was not a speeding ticket, instead it was a £30 charge for not paying the Tyne Tunnel toll. I consider that a win!
A Horse With No Name
The following week I went to the stable to see our Sir Percy filly. She still had no name – but she looked magnificent.
We also saw Star Of Lady M who looked like she was ready to race again.
Dancing At Wolves
We made another entry for Newcastle, but decided against it. Instead we had options at Chelmsford and Wolverhampton over six furlongs. The prospect of six was intriguing, and we opted for that. She got a good draw in 4, and David Probert, who rides the track well, was on board.
Wolverhampton was a really nice experience, with a dedicated place in the stands just outside the restaurant for viewing. We met Twitter and Facebook friend Will Cemis, and he seemed to have great luck throughout the evening.
David Probert on Star Of Lady M
We were in the last of 8 races, but it was worth the wait. Star tucked in behind the pace and made her run up the straight. Starsong was leading on the rail, and we just managed to get the better of that rival. Sadly, Sixties Chic just pipped us on the line in a three way photo.
Desperately close at Wolverhampton
Wolverhampton is actually 6 furlongs and 20 yards, so perhaps that additional 20 yards was her undoing.
It did show us that six furlongs was a genuine option, and we looked forward to a win in the not too distant future.
The All Weather bonus for October / November was out of reach, but we had accumulated 9 points towards the overall prize.
Daydream Believer
Our Sir Percy filly still needed a name, and after another tense vote there was a tie. The Red Baroness and Percy’s Daydream received equal numbers of votes. So, in a supplementary vote Percy’s Daydream triumphed. I once again sent the name to Weatherbys, and this time it was approved.
Meanwhile, the Great British Bonus people could not get away from Star Of Lady M, featuring her in their latest set of adverts.
“Be more Star Of Lady M”, but what I really wanted was for Star to return to the winners enclosure where she had been four times in the previous season.
Something For The Weekend
The end of November brought about a very busy weekend. Canaria Queen was declared at Southwell on Friday evening, and Star Of Lady M at Lingfield the following afternoon. It was all too much for Sally, so I set off alone for the Nottinghamshire course.
This was the first time Southwell had been open since the floods, and there were no spectators allowed. Owners and Annual members had their own areas, and it had quite a busy feel to it. Tom Denham was sat at a table with several other Tim Easterby owners, so I joined them and chatted about horses and syndicates. I was not overly confident about the chances of Canaria Queen, but I was excited about Star Of Lady M once again trying 6 furlongs at Lingfield the following day. We had even secured the services of champion jockey Oisin Murphy for the ride.
There The Cold Winds Blow
Southwell had done a great job getting the course ready, but I suspect that the jockeys were not too impressed with the temporary weighing room. This was a marquee, and with biting winds all around they were freezing.
Duran Fentiman was on board Canaria Queen, and he was happy to see how the race panned out. As it happened, she broke well enough, got a bit lost as the pace quickened, and finished 7th of 11. Hopefully now she would drop a few pounds to a more realistic mark. I spoke to Tim and we agreed that perhaps she should revert to six furlongs to give her a chance to settle better.
Canaria Queen at Southwell
I left the course and headed south, but the traffic was against me. The A46 was closed and the M1 was down to a single lane. By the time I arrived at the on course hotel at Lingfield the bar was shut!
The following morning it was a two minute drive out of the car park to the next car park which was for Owners and Trainers. Once again Lingfield was friendly, and for this Saturday afternoon meeting there was quite a crowd. I sat with some other owners, and met Sally’s friend and fellow owner Christine who was there to watch Master Zoffany.
Murphy’s Law
We were again in the last race on the card, and so it was a long wait. There was good news from Oisin as he rode the winner of the first race. David O’Meara called to discuss tactics, but the basic message was that Oisin was the right man for the job. In the parade ring he oozed confidence. He had watched her unlucky run at Wolverhampton, and thought he could ease her into the straight before pushing the button. He then took the trouble to record a good luck video for one of our friends, Daisy, who is heading to the racing school.
Oisin Murphy on Star Of Lady M at Lingfield
Oisin In Charge
He was very impressive all round, and I was feeling confident as I went to the stands. Star broke well, and raced behind the early leader. Coming into the straight she ranged alongside and went on. It looked as though she might have hit the front too soon, then Oisin flicked a switch and away she went. She comfortably beat her 10 rivals by almost 3 lengths, and it was both a thrill and a relief to see her in the winners enclosure once more. Oisin ensured everyone was in line for the pictures, and I went to the viewing room for a replay and a glass of champagne.
The winners enclosure at Lingfield
I was almost the last to leave the course, but the journey home seemed to fly by. I took calls from Luke and David as we planned what would be next. David thought that the easy six at Lingfield really suited her, but that her best distance was still five.
The following Tuesday Canaria Queen had been dropped 3lbs, but Star Of Lady M had been raised 7lbs. That meant she was still considerably lower than at the start of the season, so perhaps there was more to come.
The Only Way Is Essex
Our next plans involved Wolverhampton or Newcastle. The Wolverhampton race was for restricted riders so we drew a line through that. Chelmsford was an option, and we could have had Oisin on board. Unfortunately Oisin decided to go to Wincanton hurdling, a meeting that was subsequently abandoned! We entered a Class 3 race at Wolverhampton, but again decided to give it a miss despite there only being 4 runners.
Chelmsford was still on, and we got Hector Crouch as our jockey. Hector had ridden Star into 3rd at Windsor back in July.
On our way to Chelmsford we called at Newmarket where Emerald Duchess was in the mares sale. Sadly, she did not sell, but we have subsequently sent her to Kate Tibbits where she should be rehomed to enjoy an alternative career,
We said “goodbye” to Emerald Duchess
We stayed at a local inn in Chelmsford, and met my sister Lisa and her husband Stewart, as well as Sally’s cousin Jamie and his wife Sharon. It was a shocking night of torrential rain, and there was a further shock when we were asked for ID on entry to the course. The owners area was crowded, and the racecourse itself was a bit weird as the start of most races is behind the spectators. As it turned out we did not get the run of the race, with Hector getting caught out wide and Star Of Lady M pulling very hard.
She finished 7th of 8, unfortunately not enough to get her handicap reduced!
Star Of Lady M wasn’t happy at Chelmsford
A Turkey At Wolves
That could have been it for the year, but we actually ran twice more. The first of these was at Wolverhampton a few days before Christmas. The owners restaurant provided our first Christmas dinner of the season, and with Danny Tudhope back on board we were hopeful.
Danny Tudhope back on board at Wolverhampton
She got blocked early in the race, but finished well to grab third, a reasonable result that confirmed that Chelmsford was just a bad day.
Star Of Lady M seems to enjoy Wolverhampton
Auld Lang Syne
Next up it was New Year’s Eve at Lingfield. We could have gone to Wolverhampton the day before, but Sally was visiting friends in London, who she hadn’t seen for 35 years. So she went with my sister, and then they travelled onwards to Lingfield. I drove down and we were hopeful for the following day. I had reservations because she had had a long, hard season. Perhaps she needed a break? We would soon know.
David Probert was on board, and he had ridden her into third at Wolverhampton previously. Jason Kelly said it was the right race for her, so although we had an average draw in 6 there was some confidence. We made new friends on the large, shared tables in the Owners lounge, and we joined David O’Meara’s representative Sarah in the parade ring for the previous race as Zarabanda’s owners were not in attendance.
A Rough Ride
Finally it was time for our race and Star looked very relaxed in the parade ring. David rang and said he had given the jockey no set instructions. David Probert had ridden a winner earlier in the day, so my instruction was to ride exactly the same race. It never panned out that way, as Star got bumped, blocked and bumped again. She was eased down to finish last of 10, but she was beaten less than 5 lengths. David thought it was just the tactics that were wrong, as she saw too much daylight and ran “with the choke out”. I thought that she might indeed need a rest. David was not of the same opinion, but as we were about to go on holiday he thought she could have an easy week or two.
Discussing tactics at Lingfield
So that was that for Star Of Lady M in 2023. She did not have it as easy as her two-year-old season, but I am told that is typical. Three-year-old fillies struggle to compete with the colts and geldings, but they come back stronger as four-year-olds. We will see what 2024 brings.
You can read the previous edition here…
Sal Qaeda And The Mole
February 29, 2020 by Mike Madden
Radiators!
As the years pass by, you begin to understand your place in a relationship. In the early days everything is rosy. You are up there on a pedestal, equal in every way, and deserving your partner’s undivided attention whenever it might be required. Things change dramatically with children, and rightly so, but it is only when your partner gets a horse that your place in the homestead is truly revealed, and nowhere is this more evident than in the use of radiators.
We have a variety of radiators, and in my naivete I thought that they were all used for the same two purposes; warming the room and drying clothes when it is too cold and wet outside. In a way I was right, but I did not realise the nuances of the humble radiator, and how their usage would change significantly when a horse was involved.
This beast of a radiator used to be an all purpose clothes model. Its depth meant that items could be layered, and its ferocious heat dried everything very quickly. However, now its majestic size is reserved for horse blankets of all shapes and dimensions. Clothes tend to be tossed to the floor if a horse blanket is in need of drying, and the process has the added advantage of emitting a pungent horsey odour.
This radiator is opposite to the washing machine, and was very handy for socks, underwear, hats, and anything small enough to slip between the grooves. If was often the cause of many an orphaned sock, as soft footwear was separated as it exited the machine’s drum, often to never be re-paired with its no doubt distraught sole-mate (haha!). Today it is still adorned with socks, but these are the horsey variety for wearing inside sturdy boots. And they line up in neat, almost regimented pairs, ensuring that they will never be torn asunder. Of course, an occasional non horsey pair will sneak on to the rack, but it will quickly be discarded amongst the carrier bag that contains so many of the aforementioned orphans.
I was never quite sure of the usefulness of this radiator. Clothes slip off it, and it is too narrow to fit many on anyway. In the horse world, it is perfect for hanging reins, harnesses, and all of the other mechanisms of control in the equine world.
Another beast, this one just inside the front door. Woe betide anything that gets placed on this as Lady M returns on a damp day. It will be summarily dismissed, as all manner of wet items get a pre-drying before being either washed, or decanted to the other radiators built explicitly for that purpose.
The second lounge radiator used to be great, as it would hold several shirts, hoodies, etc. Now, it is the exclusive domain of jodhpurs, breeches, polo shirts and other sartorial elements that go to make up the extensive wardrobe of the horserider.
And just in case you were wondering about the merits of horse gear appearing in the “best room”, wonder no more. The saddle has a place and a podium all of its own, and horse blankets often take pride of place. I will leave you to imagine the Apocalypse that would happen if I decided to leave my cricket bat on display (it gets frowned at in the garage).
Ah at last!
I still manage to get the occasional shirt dried here – but it is a challenge, particularly if it is being used to warm one of the numerous pairs of riding or other country style boots!
My return to Ex Pat Radio is going well, with Steve Harley and Suzi Quatro among the guest list. Steve was a real gent, and you can hear his show on Monday 2nd March (7pm UK time), including a great story about his biggest hit. I was a bit nervous about interviewing Suzi, but she too was wonderful. She is scheduled for broadcast on 16th March. I always like to be a little different, and if a guest says “That’s a great question”, or “That’s a hard one”, I feel like I am winning, and both of these illustrious guests fell into that category.
There has been a lot of talk about the reservoir recently, and this is my take on it. Toddbrook reservoir was built specifically due to the increased traffic on the Peak Forest Canal.
This was used to transport Limestone from Dove Holes but because of the increase in elevation the last few miles were via tramway (long since disappeared).
Toddbrook was essentially a supplement to Combs built 40 years earlier.
The increase of railways led to the decline and now it is used for light tourist and domestic narrowboat traffic.
To suggest that Toddbrook solves local flooding issues is just lazy science (did this flooding exist prior to Toddbrook? – there was certainly plenty of flooding prior to the dam problem) – the real scientific research should ask if the reasons for building it 180 years ago are valid today. If they are, is there still a reason to have something of that size, and if not what should the existing land be used for. The merits of having a reservoir above a school and small village are a debate for another day. This is the only opportunity likely to occur for many generations to make the reservoir site into a sustainable benefit for the community.
So we may need a smaller reservoir, but we could definitely use enhanced sporting facilities.
The picture shows the current state of the junior pitch. When the reservoir work is complete how long will it be before that is playable again. In addition, the technology behind all weather facilities has come on leaps and bounds. The Under 16s have played on two this year, and the ability to play football on a flat surface at all times of the season should not be underestimated. The pitches are also used for many other sports, for instance hockey.
There has also been much talk of conservation – and this would be an opportunity to plant thousands of trees and encourage wildlife to flourish in an area of natural beauty.
With all this in mind, do we really want to patch up something that threatened our entire village just a few months ago?
Its that time of year again when the Manchester Metropolitan University Expo showcases several of our projects. Last year we gained Pub-Head which is rapidly heading towards Beta 2, IOS version and launch.
This year we have four interesting projects, which cover an Auto Recruiter, a Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) app, a stallion / mare matchmaker, and the Quick Trip one stop shop for travel app.
Meanwhile, I have been back to Brazil working with Google, this time for a leisurely 4 days. I discovered two things. Firstly, the cheese on burgers over there makes American cheese seem like a fine Stilton. It is basically yellow gunk, and I would not be surprised to see it squeezed on! Secondly, pedestrian crossings are not all they are cracked up to be. There is no point waiting for traffic to stop, it doesn’t. You have to tackle it a lane at a time, and hope that the various drivers that you will encounter are paying attention. The question you have to ask yourself is… “Do you feel lucky?” I am hoping to return in early April – so watch this space for more travel tips.
I guess I can now announce that Ole has an agent. He has been signed up with Alex Priestley Talent since August, and he has finally landed his first paid role. Its only 2 lines in a BUPA ad, but if the pay is anything to go by, if he got a full thirty second ad he’d be a millionaire. He’s had great feedback – and they took some still photos too. His mum will let you know if he appears on a billboard in your town any time soon!
With a break in the weather I got my bike out. Unfortunately it practically fell to bits, so I invested in a new one. Halfords in Macclesfield are great. They filled my tyres with Slime to prevent punctures, and made sure it was fully assembled before I left the shop. As my contract in Leeds is about to come to an end, and journeys down the canal beckon, I am looking forward to a summer of gentle races against narrowboats all the way to Marple.
A few years ago I made a Festival Gateau, and I thought that it was about time I tried it again. The trick is to start with a very light sponge. Fifteen minutes on high with an electric whisk. No idea how cakes were made before such things were invented, Mrs Beeton must have had the arms of a shot putter. The marzipan is easy enough – don’t worry if it breaks, it can be smoothed together later on in the process. The custard is best made with custard powder (tins are too runny), and it definitely requires a very thick cream. Delicious!
Zac has been having an interesting time at school, and after a “misunderstanding” during detention he had to admit to the teacher, “I am not having you waste any more of my time.” She walked out, he walked out, the other four pupils in detention were shocked, and somehow Zac attained legendary status.
Finally, I had a great time in Manchester when I went to see The Rezillos. Forty two years after they first hit the charts with Top Of The Pops, and they were brilliant. You can read my full review here
http://michael-madden.co.uk/tag/zero/
Looking forward to a few more seventies bands on the rock and roll trail.
February 4, 2017 by Michael Madden
Elvis Presley And A Horse’s Arse
Regular readers will be interested to know that after another tortuous phone call I finally got a refund from Expedia. The latest phone call was with a Mr Wayarasinghe, or at least that’s what it sounded like, and he wanted to know what my problem was. I told him my account details, my itinerary details, remember those, that was for the hotel only? And he asked if I wanted him to refund the hotel? Or book a flight? Or what was it? I explained the customer complaints situation, and he asked me to go over it all. Again. So I did. Patience wearing very thin. I gave him my case number. We had been on the phone for an hour when he had a Eureka moment. He said I had to wait 72 hours. I told him 72 hours had passed long ago. No, he said. I will ask for the recordings of your original conversation and then you will have to wait 72 hours. Aaaarrrrggghhh! Oh, wait a minute, he said. I see that your complaint has gone through to our finance team, and they have authorised a refund. Well why the f*ck didn’t you mention that an hour ago? Anyway, four days later the refund arrived, and although I will use Expedia again, there is no way I will ever book anything through their call centre!
Zac broke the screen on his phone. It just about worked, but probably best to get it fixed. So, I went across to Sainsbury’s in Nottingham where there is a Timpson stall that fix phones. iPhone 5C screen – £70, one hour turnaround. The guy in Buxton charges about the same. So, I checked online, and in the Nottingham and Derby area there’s Wemendphones (catchy name!). They come to your work place, fix it in about half an hour, and charge £35. Ok, so they were a bit late, but great service. Wonder if they will expand across to the Peak District?
Sally lost her voice. Tragedy? No. Illness? Probably. Overuse? Almost certainly. I did what every self respecting father would do. I told the boys to make the most of it.
I’ve had a very busy time in the kitchen, with homemade pizzas, homemade doner kebab (oh yes!), and a cakefest this weekend.
The homemade pizzas are easy enough, the dough takes a bit of kneading but nothing too strenuous, and the doner kebab was a bit of an experiment after I saw a video on Facebook. And it turned out ok. A bit dangerous, but that’s because we went to the pub and left the final stage, which involves searing the outside with a blow torch, until we got back (hic!). But it tasted like doner kebab, and it certainly gave you the authentic doner kebab taste in the morning! Might try again, but with beef or pork mince instead – if it works I’ll post the recipe.
The cakefest started because Sally and I both love Festival gateau, and Morrison’s, the last place that it was available from, stopped making it. So, for her birthday I made one. Its known as Princess cake in Sweden, and its basically a top layer of fresh whipped cream, with a very light sponge underneath, then custard, and more light sponge on the bottom, all hidden beneath a marzipan dome.
It looks a bit like this…
It actually turned out quite well, though it was a bit of a struggle getting it out of the upturned bowl that it was assembled in. Sally came up with a very good idea – so next time I will be lining the bowl with baking parchment. Now, the custard part uses egg yolks, and I had only used a bit of it so I had a lot left. What uses custard? Vanilla slices, and because I don’t like to waste anything I made meringue with the discarded egg whites, and because Zac wouldn’t eat any of that stuff, I made chocolate digestives. Think I might need more sugar next time I go to the shop.
I also made a whole baked celeriac. Takes a long time but very tasty. Barbeque spare ribs were another experiment that took a long time, but they were gone in seconds!
Sally made lasagne, something that she’s actually quite good at. I asked Ole how it was. ‘It was ok. There were some burnt bits, but that’s what you get with mum.’
Zac is slowly but surely getting through his copy of The History Of Zombies. He’s done 40-50 pages so far, which is 40 or 50 pages more than he would have read anyway! Anyone out there want a beta copy for an X-Box bound young teen just let me know!
My latest project is a catalogue of covers of songs originally recorded by Elvis Presley. In an act of shameless bandwagon jumping, I am anticipating a huge bandwagon in August to mark the 40th anniversary of The King’s death. I thought it would be easy, but the sheer scale of the operation has meant it might have to be scaled down or it could take another five years. I started with Can’t Help Falling In Love, and it turns out there are over 300 authenticated versions of this. I’ve logged about 230, some quite obscure, the rest – well who knows?! I’ve already uncovered a lot of stuff I didn’t know before, for instance, Elvis Costello’s dad released an album of Elvis covers, and Elvis’s manager allegedly tried to persuade Dolly Parton into handing over half of the publishing rights to I Will Always Love You if Elvis covered it. She refused, and made millions by retaining the rights herself. I was originally going for 40 songs, I’m now on the second, In The Ghetto, that was recorded by Gene West, amongst others. Never heard of Gene West? Neither had I – turns out it is really Barry White. Anyway, I’ve trimmed down my goal to including just ten songs. If its popular I can always do a volume 2.
I’ve listened to lot of Elvis songs so far, including this beauty by Swedish award winning impersonator Eilart Pilarm…
but Zac has still to be convinced that Elvis is anywhere near the star that Justin Bieber is. Based on Youtube views he may well be right, as he compared Bieber’s billions to Elvis’s hundreds of thousands. He then pointed out another factor.
‘Look, Elvis has 58 dislikes on Youtube,’ and then with one swipe of his finger…’make that 59!’
Pixie came for her second sleepover, and although she had been poorly she seemed to enjoy herself. She was one tired little lady on the drive home.
And speaking of illness, the perils of horse ownership were highlighted when the stable got Strangles. This is some kind of horse virus, and the horses have to be quarantined. Now, Nancy has shown no signs of developing it, which is good, but she has to be regularly tested for temperature. Any idea how you test a horse’s temperature? It involves a large thermometer, a horses’s arse, and a lot of fortitude.
And speaking of horses, I’m not allowed to mention the horse to my friends’ wives. Haha!
Ole now has two offers for university places, Sheffield and Liverpool. He’s still trying to get closer to home, with Salford being his preferred choice! Mum took him to Liverpool, and for a few days before we were asking if he had done his prep. The typically teenage response of grunts or silence was not reassuring, and when the big day came he didn’t even have the postcode.
‘It’s just Liverpool University,’ said Ole as they drove towards the motorway.
‘Which one?’ asked mum.
‘I don’t know,’ replied Ole.
‘Well, I need a postcode, you will need to check your email,’ said mum.
Ole reluctantly got his email up on his phone.
‘Its John Moores university,’ said Ole.
‘Postcode?’ asked mum.
So Ole started reading his email out loud.
‘Welcome to John Moores University. Please arrive early, and bring a photograph with you. Wait. I need a photograph. Mum, have you got one?‘
Fortunately mum was resourceful enough to find a Tesco with a photo booth so that Ole had a vague chance of getting through the door at Liverpool!
Of course, once his A Levels are over there will be a huge sigh of relief, and he intends to celebrate with a lads holiday to Zante. Mum is not too happy, as he will be away for his 18th birthday, and the threat to fly over for the occasion has not gone down too well. The funny thing is, it appears to be mainly Whaley lads who are going, and Whaley lads who have been friends since the early days of Taxal School. One of the mums works in a travel agent, so she has booked it all, ensuring that the little darlings are in an apartment complex that has a 24 hour warden on site! It will be a bit like a care home.
We may well be planning a trip to Washington and New York in the autumn, but Zac would prefer Los Angeles. ‘I know L.A. like the back of my hand,’ he said. ‘I could get you from the airport to downtown no problem. And, I know where there are at least three strip clubs.’ So you see, GTA is not all bad!
How much do we really need the weather forecast? I mean, its absolute rubbish. If we didn’t produce all of this incorrect data and didn’t spend time talking about what the incorrect data was telling us we would be so much better off. We would only be able to talk about what is actually happening and we wouldn’t have a largely inaccurate view of what the coming days will be like.
A recent spate of bad weather was forecast as follows. At 7 it said it would start snowing at 8. At 8 it was 9, at 9 it was 10 and at 10 it was 11. This is hardly long range stuff. In the same period of time it forecast that there would be snow for 4 consecutive days, three hours later they decided it wouldn’t even snow tomorrow. Might as well rely on the weather girls to just make it up.
They have been forecasting weather for years and they are not getting any better. So let’s just cut it out. Spend the money on the NHS, or a ladder to the moon. We could remove the weather app from our phones, we could remove the forecast from media such as television and newspapers. Scrap the weather satellites and close down the Met Office. Anyone against? Its a difficult thing to do, they say. Well yes. Clearly too difficult. It could be argued that people need to know what the weather will be, well that might be true but our current situation gives them nothing, causing unnecessary disruption and wrong decisions. We might as well rely on Bill’s Bunions!